Granny Vs Grandma - WIBU?

[CherryTangfastics]

When DS, who is now 3.8, was born DM asked my MIL what she wanted to be known as. This was before we had even left the hospital. MIL said she wanted 'Granny'. DM said 'I wanted that'. So MIL suggested Granny S and Granny M. DM thought that would be too complicated and agreed to be called 'Grandma'.

It has been that way even since. Even though DM lives abroad half the year, DS chats to her on Skype/WhatsApp all the time and is fully aware she is 'Grandma'. DS has continued to called MIL 'Granny' but sometimes mixes the names up.

Fast forward to last month when we are on a week long family holiday all together. After we arrive home I'm on speakerphone to MIL and DS asks me if it's 'Granny'? I say yes and she replies 'I don't know where he's got this Granny business from, I'm Grandma'. I refer to the hospital story and remind her who's who etc. It's like after a week of hearing my DM being called 'Grandma' she suddenly wants that title. DM also heard the conversation and wasn't impressed.

Now every time DS says 'Granny' to MIL she corrects him which makes him upset as he knows he's not wrong. DH overheard her the other day and asked what's going on. I explained and he said she can't do that. I said you need to have a word as it's messing with DS's head but of course he won't. Today DS started calling DM 'Granny' and she's not happy

Sorry if this is a boring/long one, but MIL is starting to grate and I'm getting it on both sides. Surely MIL is BU and things should stay as they are?

My DS has 3 - Gran (my mum) - Granny-Surname (my MIL) and Granny-round-the-corner (my step-mum). He's 18 and has always found this perfectly normal :)

"To MIL: "He won't be calling you anything if you don't stop behaving like a toddler. Because I am done with this nonsense. Stop messing with my child's head. You are Granny. Or you are not hearing from us for a while."
Because weaponising children is always such a good idea.

MIL picked Granny. She also was granted first choice, essentially, and OP's mum went with another name. MIL has put herself in this position, and she needs to get over herself and live with her decision sensibly. SHE is causing distress to the child, not OP.

1st world problems. My DGMs were both granny(surname) My own DD had two Grandmas(first name) Neither she or I ever got confused.

My children have
Nanny Tina (ex mother in law)
Grandma (my mum)
Nanny-Where-We-Have-Dinner (my nan) sadly deceased now.
Nanny Mo (my partner's mum)

I am called Nanny by my grandson, as is my ex-husband's wife.
My grandson's paternal grandmother lives in Turkey and I have no idea what she's called.

"SHE is causing distress to the child, not OP."

She's being daft. But she is not causing distress to the child-that's just silly.

She's being daft. But she is not causing distress to the child-that's just silly. Quite. "Silly old granny, she's decided she wants to be called grandma". I'd let your son choose - granny, grandma, nana, nanny, grandmama, gran, nan - they all mean the same thing.

This comment from @MayCatt sums up my feelings entirely**

I would tell her she's being utterly unreasonable in upsetting and confusing your DS just before he has to deal with all the upheaval that a new sibling will cause.
*
If she can't be sensible and put your DS before her own selfishness then I would tell her if she doesn't like Grandma then she will be called (Mil's first name).*

Im too pregnant and tired to referee anymore. They can sort it out between themselves or DH can step in and deal with his Mum. I'll leave DS to call whoever whatever.

Epic bold fail

We had the whole thing where both wanted the same name. for a short time we have two grandmas and two granddads. It didn't bother me at all. However when she became a bit older she chose her own. they have all now stuck and has worked well for us as we have 4 grandparents and 3 great grandparents.

• My mum is now the only grandma

• my dad is the only grandad

• My MIL is Gogo as she couldn't say grandma when little and it came out as Gogo. MIL decided she didn't want it to change when she could say the correct word it so kept it as Gogo.

• My FIL is Gaga for the same reason that she couldn't say grandad and he decided to keep it to separate out the two.

• my Gran is known as Gran

• My Nana is known as Nana and my Grandad as Grandad (name)

• my DH grandma is known as GG

each of them like their given names for their own reason and everyone is happy. the names may change again as she ages (although my gran's mum was known as munna all of her life by everyone as my gran couldn't say mother and we all still refer to her as munna even now)
if it is stressing out your LO, let him decide and tell them that is the way it is going to be; if they refuse constantly use the given name in front of them all the time and make sure everyone else does as well- they'll soon get sick of correcting. Along the lines of "silly granny she must have forgotten she's granny as you already have a grandma and she's not here"

When my first child was born she was lucky enough to have 2 x grandparents and 4 x great grandparents on my side of the family - my parents were Nanny and Grandad and the great grand parents were differentiated by adding where they lived - so Nanna and Grandad 'Village' and Nanna and Grandad 'Town'. Until one day, when DD was about 5, we set off to visit one set of great grandparents... DD chatting away in the car suddenly asked to clarify who we were visiting .. I explained "you know, Nanna and Grandad 'Town' " .. "oh yes" she replied - "Nanna with the Grandad we Don't like"!! Out of the mouth of babes and all that!!

MIL is being really silly - Granny is lovely - Grandma so harsh.
Granny is like "Mummy", Grandma is like "Mother".
MIL got the better title at the beginning!

Good grief, it doesn't matter! We had two Grandmas and two Grandpas and could tell them apart. When we were little we knew Grandma with the black hair was married to Grandpa with the white hair (Mum's parents) and Grandma with the white hair was married to Grandpa with the black hair (Dad's parents). When we got a little older, Dad's parents adopted an orphaned kitten they named Snoopy, so then there was "Grandma and Grandpa with the Snoopy" and "Grandma and Grandalpa without the Snoopy".

My kid has a total of 9 grandparents (8 living) because her parents are divorced and remarried and Hubby's parents are divorced and his mum is remarried. So we have two Grandpas (my dad and her mum's dad), one Grandma (my mum - her mum's mother is deceased), one Nanny (MIL), two Granddads (FIL and SFIL), one Nan-Nan (her stepdad's mum), and one Pop-Pop (her stepdad's dad). She knows who everyone is.

If someday I become a grandmother I think I'd like to be called Nana or Mimi. I could become quite a young grandmother as I'm only 20 years older than DSD.

It does matter because it's upsetting the OP's DS that he's being corrected.

Can you train your DS to say "Silly granny, that's not your name, that's grandma's name, you're granny! You've always been granny!" Or is that too disrespectful? Maybe you can say it to him instead, possibly with a reference to granny getting a bit forgetful in her old age...

This is really unfair though - it's not reasonable to upset your DS over something so petty. Hope your DH can sort it out and save you the stress.

I have never understood this impetus to give the two grandmothers a different title. As soon as a child has a concept of names they are going to be faced with at least 3 "Ella"s and 3 "ollie"'s in nursery. They can cope. We surnamed each grandma withe the city name. It's all fine.

What I meant was it doesn't matter that there are two grandmothers with the same grandparent name. Obviously it's ridiculous to "correct" a child for using the "wrong" grandparent name. I think the grandmother is BVU.

Get him to call them by their names. Seriously, they are being pathetic.