Granny Vs Grandma - WIBU?

[CherryTangfastics]

When DS, who is now 3.8, was born DM asked my MIL what she wanted to be known as. This was before we had even left the hospital. MIL said she wanted 'Granny'. DM said 'I wanted that'. So MIL suggested Granny S and Granny M. DM thought that would be too complicated and agreed to be called 'Grandma'.

It has been that way even since. Even though DM lives abroad half the year, DS chats to her on Skype/WhatsApp all the time and is fully aware she is 'Grandma'. DS has continued to called MIL 'Granny' but sometimes mixes the names up.

Fast forward to last month when we are on a week long family holiday all together. After we arrive home I'm on speakerphone to MIL and DS asks me if it's 'Granny'? I say yes and she replies 'I don't know where he's got this Granny business from, I'm Grandma'. I refer to the hospital story and remind her who's who etc. It's like after a week of hearing my DM being called 'Grandma' she suddenly wants that title. DM also heard the conversation and wasn't impressed.

Now every time DS says 'Granny' to MIL she corrects him which makes him upset as he knows he's not wrong. DH overheard her the other day and asked what's going on. I explained and he said she can't do that. I said you need to have a word as it's messing with DS's head but of course he won't. Today DS started calling DM 'Granny' and she's not happy

Sorry if this is a boring/long one, but MIL is starting to grate and I'm getting it on both sides. Surely MIL is BU and things should stay as they are?

Tell them you won't fucking bother to call if it's such a big deal. Makes me angry. My DM died two years ago so my DCs don't get to call her granny any more. Idiots.

SoShiny In a set of children's stories a girl called Katie Morag lives on an island called Struay in Scotland and she has 2 Grannys, one who lives on the same island, and the other who occasionally visits from the Mainland. Lovely books, also on TV for a while.

This is so silly. I had two Gran's and two Papa's as a kid and there was never a problem.

may I offer what we used, just a suggestion mind you :)

Good Granny
Bad Granny

Sadly, twas true!

Both MIL and DM are Nanny by their choice. When we talk about them they are NannyMILname and NannyDMname but when we're with them or talking to them they're just Nanny. Same with Grandads, though DD ended up giving DF a nickname so he's GrandadNickname regardless of whether he's there or not. If they're talking to their GPs about the other set then they (both DC and GPs) use the longer name.

I have no clue how this system came about, but we all use it.

My one week old grandson will know me as Granny Greyhound (I have 3 sighthounds atm). Could you find something unique about each Granny and use that?

Granny Knobhead has a ring to it

Grandma Nora, Grandma Rita, grandad roger, grandad Paint (ex decorator)

Not hard. Not confusing.

2 Grannies and 2 Grandpas, thought we would have a Grandad for my Dad but he became at Grandpa too. They have their first names after, or slight variation of... such a shame when the grandmothers fight over the names, you don’t hear of the grandfathers caring.

Hope they can both be Grannies OP and things calm down quickly.

Dear God.

DM is being unreasonable. DS gets to choose what to call them, and they both have to abide by it. How old is DM? My Dm frequently 'fills in' memory as previous posters have suggested, but she is 81 (and psyching up for being the one and only great nana)

Makes me kind of glad my DGM insisted on being known by her 1st name as “being called Gran makes me feel old “ (she was in her 70s by the time I remember her, and had had a tough early life so did actually seem old). Albeit as I grew up with kids who called their DGMs Nan, Nana etc, it seemed a bit odd at the time.

My own DM has given her and DF’s titles to DD: he is Grandpa. Mind you, he is also apparently Grandpa to their Ddog. So when my DM talks about “Grandpa “, I’m never sure whether my mum is talking from my daughter ‘s imagined perspective or the dog’s.😹

DS gets to choose what to call them, and they both have to abide by it.

I disagree with this. People get to choose what they want to be called in most other instances. I don't really get why grandparents are any different.

I would tell her she's being utterly unreasonable in upsetting and confusing your DS just before he has to deal with all the upheaval that a new sibling will cause.

If she can't be sensible and put your DS before her own selfishness then I would tell her if she doesn't like Grandma then she will be called (Mil's first name).

My sister's children had Granny [her dog name] and Granny [her dog name].

Don't people just distinguish them by their surname? I honestly thought EVERYONE did this. I has literally never occurred to me to have a different variant of grandmother for my DM and MIL. There's Nanny and Granddad [DPs surname] and Nanny and Granddad [MILs surname].

However MIL is BU.

At one time I had 4 Nanna’s and 4 Grandads. When I was with them they were N & G but if I ever had to distinguish o e from the other I would use their surnames. Was never a problem o your mil is being ridiculous and you and her son need to tell her.

I don’t see why they can’t both be Granny or Grandma (except that it’s confusing your child). Is there any chance MIL is starting to forget things, if she’s so convinced she’s Grandma after years of being Granny?

I had (name)Grandma and Grandma(last name). They were both Gran when speaking to them. I wanted MIL to be Grandma but she wanted Nanny so that’s what DS calls her. She knew I preferred Grandma and corrected FIL a couple of times when he called her Nanny to DS in the early days, because I kept calling her Grandma (not being passive aggressive, just never used Nanny in our family and I kept forgetting). So I made a real effort to remember to use Nanny and now she’s always Nanny. My mum died before DS was born but I think she’d have been Granny Sue, that’s what she was to my niece.

It is so depressing when people go on about children being confused and upset when it's really just grown ups on a power trip. Don't bring the children into it.

I had 2 Nannys and 2 Pappys. Distinguished by surnames eg: nanny/pappy "smith" and nanny/pappy "jones"

DS should call your mother Grandma, and your MiL Mrs Clampett.

I had loads of grandparents as my mum and dads parents both split and remarried, plus biological and step great grandparents (on my mums side - young family). They were mostly nanny’s and pappy’s, in total.... six nanny’s, four pappy’s, one grandad (and one we had nothing to do with so no name) some had nicknames that just evolved over time, some had surnames, some had first names (where the surnames were repeated) but all had the prefix nanny or pappy.

Does it really matter...? They are being childish.

This problem has arisen by not allowing both grannies/grandmas whatever choose what they want to be called in the first place. I don't understand why people think it is confusing to have two grannies or two grandmas - it is a word like mum that designates their role rather than their name. I had grandma surname and grandma surname - which sounds hilariously formal to my own dcs now, but the surname was only used if they needed to be distinguished. It would have been much less confusing to your son if they had been both been allowed to be granny in the first place - by trying to avoid confusion you have ended up making it much more confusing.

I'm Nana to my grandchildren, but when my 2 yr old grandson gets muddled and calls me Grandma, I think it's sweet. Your mother in law sounds unreasonable and weird.

My kids had Nanny in a wheelchair (she'd progressed from old nanny) and Nanny with the dogs.

To MIL: "He won't be calling you anything if you don't stop behaving like a toddler. Because I am done with this nonsense. Stop messing with my child's head. You are Granny. Or you are not hearing from us for a while."