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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to object to being called a thief by a shopkeeper?

55 replies

toxic44 · 13/07/2018 19:05

I sew a lot and get whatever I can from the only fabric shop in town. Two weeks ago I chose some buttons for a shirt I'd made. Shopkeeper watched me put one button on the shirt to see if it was right. I counted out the extra ones I needed from the tube on the counter, put all six together, said I'd take them. 'What about the one in your hand?' I showed her my empty hands and she smiled and shrugged. I went again today with my DMC embroidery silks (which she doesn't sell) to match to fabric. When she'd measured what I wanted, she pointed to my DMC silks, said, 'Are they yours or ours?' There were two other customers at the counter who made a great show of not listening. I told her she'd called me a thief before but she won't do it again. I'd intended to buy an overlocker (£250) and told her that, too, saying I shan't bother now. She tried to make a joke of it, saying she hadn't meant anything.
As I was going out of the shop, I heard her say to the other women, 'Well you can't be too careful, can you, with some people.' AIBU to find this totally insulting?

OP posts:
SayNoToCarrots · 13/07/2018 19:07

Is she judging you based on what you look like?

mumonashoestring · 13/07/2018 19:08

It'd be the last time I spent money in there and if she's not the owner I'd make sure they knew why they were losing my business. Not so much for checking that you hadn't forgotten to put a button down or for not being quick enough to realise that what you were holding wasn't a brand they stocked, but for that last comment.

Unless you were wearing a stripey top and a mask and carrying a bag marked 'swag' Grin

lynzpynz · 13/07/2018 19:21

So stupid as a shop owner to alienate what looks like regular business if nothing else!

You have every right to feel insulted, her comment as you were leaving shows the first few ‘innocent’ comments (by that I mean her attempts to say she didn’t mean anything by them!) were anything but!

TwoGinScentedTears · 13/07/2018 19:27

What a silly thing for her to do! We all know that independent shops can struggle and you're clearly a good and regular customer. But not any more, huh?

SharronNeedles · 13/07/2018 19:29

I actually don't think she did anything wrong... I'm surprised by your reaction.

SoShinySoChrome · 13/07/2018 19:30

What mumonashoestring

Original poster
toxic44 · 13/07/2018 19:43

SayNoToCarrots I'm Middle Eastern looking, old enough to have grandchildren and wear teeshirt and plain pants. No accent, no heavy eyeblack. I don't understand it.

OP posts:
NoFuckingRoomOnMyBroom · 13/07/2018 20:04

I was thinking the same as Sharron tbh, I think you've taken umbrage at something that wasn't there 🤷‍♀️

percheron67 · 13/07/2018 20:13

Not quite the same thing but the last three times I have gone into a Boots branch a chap has come hustling over saying "can I help you, Madam"? It made me feel very uncomfortable as he zoomed over and waited by me. I only needed a lipstick and him standing there whilst I paid. I mentioned it to a neighbour and she said that is what happens when staff think you are going to steal something!! I feel mortified by his manner. Is this what happens does anyone know? If so, I wonder what on earth I had done to make him act like that and follow me to the counter.

5foot5 · 13/07/2018 20:27

@percheron67 I wonder if it is something really straightforward like the style of coat you wear (lots of big pockets) or the bag you carry that sets alarm bells off for him. Perhaps you inadvertently have the same style choice as regular shoplifters!

Gardenpicnic · 13/07/2018 20:29

But she asked you a straightforward question - why didn't you say simply they were yours? Confused

HolgerLowCarbingLoser · 13/07/2018 20:31

About Boots, no that’s just because the twats in head office (not in boots specifically but in retail generally) force their retail assistants to do this. Staff will have a target to approach every customer that comes in within a certain time, because some idiot study somewhere said that this makes people buy more stuff.

Bibesia · 13/07/2018 20:44

I actually don't think she did anything wrong... I'm surprised by your reaction.

She implied OP was trying to get away without paying for goods which the shop doesn't actually stock, then made a rude remark whilst OP was leaving. She also accused her of doing the same thing with buttons, and failed to apologise. I'd say there's plenty wrong there.

percheron67 · 13/07/2018 20:50

5foot5 Oops! I hadn't thought about anything like that! Will rethink my wardrobe before going in again. Thank you

percheron67 · 13/07/2018 20:52

Holger. Thank you for message. If that is what stores think and do I think they will lose custom. I hate being badgered and imagine I am not the only one.

Original poster
toxic44 · 13/07/2018 20:57

Gardenpicnic I did. Told her they don't sell DMC, which as the owner, she knows. The labels were clearly visible. Had they been hers I would have put them on the counter to be paid for. One strike: what about the button in your hand? Two strikes: Are those our threads: three strikes: You can't be too careful with some people.

OP posts:
Andro · 13/07/2018 21:03

'Well you can't be too careful, can you, with some people.'

She has made a decision about you based on some aspect of your appearance or presentation...and been crass enough to let you hear it. YADNBU!

HolgerLowCarbingLoser · 13/07/2018 21:53

I know, I hate it too. It is entirely counter productive, but that’s what they’re made to do.

Original poster
toxic44 · 14/07/2018 00:12

Andro I'm olive-skinned, I wear my hair combed straight back in a bun and I'm sometimes mistaken for a Traveller woman. What lit my fire was I have been a frequent customer for nearly two years since she first opened the shop and she's been happy enough with that. Maybe she feels established now. Well, I won't shop there again.

OP posts:
cariadlet · 14/07/2018 00:18

I wouldn't have a problem with the query about the buttons and thread, because that could have just been politely checking that you hadn't made a mistake or checking which items you needed to pay for.

But the comment that she made as you left was extremely rude and insulting. You are right never to shop there again.

FeistyOldBat · 14/07/2018 09:51

You're not being unreasonable to think this is totally insulting; I would too.

I'd write a polite letter to the shop owner detailing what happened in the presence of two other customers who'd very likely go away and talk about it, and telling them you wouldn't be shopping there again.

Myimaginarycathasfleas · 14/07/2018 10:07

Is it a local shop, for local people OP? Grin

Original poster
toxic44 · 14/07/2018 11:12

Myimaginarycathasfleas Yes, it is the only fabric shop in a town of 35K people. The next similar shop is in a town five miles away. Most customers are 50+

OP posts:
Foslady · 14/07/2018 11:17

I think I’d be doing the extra 5 Miles. I had something similar with a local haberdashery, can only think it was because I was a teenager and teenagers aren’t supposed to be into embroidery are they ConfusedHmm

Bibesia · 14/07/2018 11:40

With all the available competition on the internet, it's particularly insane to antagonise regular customers. That "You can't be too careful" attitude could indeed end up being far too careful for the survival of this woman's business.