AIBU to object to being called a thief by a shopkeeper?

[toxic44]

I sew a lot and get whatever I can from the only fabric shop in town. Two weeks ago I chose some buttons for a shirt I'd made. Shopkeeper watched me put one button on the shirt to see if it was right. I counted out the extra ones I needed from the tube on the counter, put all six together, said I'd take them. 'What about the one in your hand?' I showed her my empty hands and she smiled and shrugged. I went again today with my DMC embroidery silks (which she doesn't sell) to match to fabric. When she'd measured what I wanted, she pointed to my DMC silks, said, 'Are they yours or ours?' There were two other customers at the counter who made a great show of not listening. I told her she'd called me a thief before but she won't do it again. I'd intended to buy an overlocker (£250) and told her that, too, saying I shan't bother now. She tried to make a joke of it, saying she hadn't meant anything.
As I was going out of the shop, I heard her say to the other women, 'Well you can't be too careful, can you, with some people.' AIBU to find this totally insulting?

I wouldn't have been especially offended if I'm honest. I'd probably still go there if it was the only shop for 5 miles.

Rude! I would take your custom to the other shop

Similar thing happened to me today in the Post Office! There's something so infuriating about being unjustly accused.

I think you overreacted to her question about whether the material was "yours or theirs", because you had the previous encounter in your mind. To you, she's the shop owner. To her, you're one customer of many. She might not even remember the buttons thing - which sounded incredibly minor too tbf.

Her remarks as you walked out might have been to cover her embarrassment at you having a go at her in front of the other customers.

Just putting what might be her perspective to you.

YANBU

"You can't be too careful" indeed!

How much was a button, that she was worried you were stealing one?

My dsis and I had similar in a shop in Spain. Our crime? My dsis uses a wheelchair and I was pushing it. The security guard jumped in the lift and waved some kind of thing at my dsis chair to detect any hidden security tags.

If he had touched her I would have gone berserk. Like you, I will never shop in that shop again.

You’re absolutely right to be livid.

The ‘what about the button in your hand’ is incredible.. indicates she was suspicious of you the whole time.

The ‘some people Comment indicates she believes you are of a group known for stealing.

What a fucking cow. If you are a local seamstress or similar I’d write or email the shop.

I can’t believe people are telling you that you overreacted OP. Good for you for making sure her repeated rudeness (humiliation, actually) towards you lost her a big sale.

If she thinks you're a thief then I doubt she will be too upset about you not returning, more relieved than anything else.

Can't believe some of the reactions on this thread how can anybody think the shop owner did nothing wrong? She was undeniably rude, and the 'some people' comment implies racism. Bitch.

she sounds like a racist cunt tbh, and if were you I would take my custom elsewhere.

Thank you everyone. Yes, I'll take my custom elsewhere. I didn't, 'have a go at her', I reminded her quietly about the button thing (a mighty 15p button) without changing my tone or volume. It was her comment to the other customers that really did it, totally uncalled for. She knows I am not a thief. A while ago she wanted me to give classes at the shop and pay her £25 an hour for renting the room, and I declined. So maybe she was 'getting her own back.' Her loss.

YANBU OP. I've also found that when you're buying fabric/swatches etc. It's perfectly natural to handle the fabric so she was being greatly U. Sorry you went through it.
Similar thing happens to me in Boots. I'd bought a number of items previously and been given some vouchers (which were well within date). I picked up the items I wanted to buy and took the items to the till. When I handed over the voucher the salesperson wanted to know where I had got the vouchers from. I explained and then she proceeded to ask me if I had found them on the floor. I was absolutely humiliated and went straight to the manager.

Boots must do training on how to be rude to people, not to mention try to rip them off in airport stores.

Our local haberdashery treats everyone like rubbish. I do all I can to avoid shopping there, go online for mostly everything, because they are so snooty and unfriendly. They are the only one in town.

I was judged to be a shoplifter in M&S once. I was v overweight post baby, hair etc a mess, looked a right sight due to massive sleep deprivation. The security man followed me around like he was stuck to me - it was clear hedjudgedme a likely shoplifter. I avoided it out of embarrassment for months. Years later I only go back when I have to (small town limitations) and loudly speak to my child when I can in my post MC voice to make sure I’m left alone.

posh MC voice

An Asian friend of mine became aware the other day that the store detective was sticking to her like glue and clearly thought she was a shoplifter. She was so miffed that she didn't bother to point out to him the (white Anglo-Saxon) person she saw blatantly shoplifting just down the aisle.

I would be very annoyed too OP. I'm English but live in Australia and here, the big shops have a policy where they "can" ask to see inside your bag as you leave.

I think that's OUTRAGEOUS. As the stores are basically treating all customers as suspicious.

They even have a special person posted by the door to do it.

I do show if asked...they don't always ask. But my DH HATES this (he's Aussie and has always found it annoying)

He will refuse and I must say, I plan to research the legality of it.

@AjasLipstick: I'm English but live in Australia and here, the big shops have a policy where they "can" ask to see inside your bag as you leave

The bag has to be larger than a sheet of A4 paper, and needs to have a sample size shown in store (or used to, I know size is accurate). They can't touch anything in your bag, but can ask you to move an obstructing item. You can refuse to allow them to look, and they, in turn, can ask you to leave store.

That being said, I have only once, in decades of shopping, been asked to check my bag at a supermarket and that was because I did look suspicious - really scruffy, late at night, in a tearing hurry to get to the other local supermarket before it closed as I wanted something specific for work the next day and the one I was in didn't have it.

I gather K-Mart checks a lot, and I recently bought something at JB HiFi and they checked, and that was another nail in their coffin. I will never go there again as they must be the most awful place on the face of the earth - cluttered, disorganised, hopeless service and not even very cheap.

Actually, thinking about it, he probably shouldn't have checked my purchase as it was an ereader and in a bag which was smaller than a sheet of A4.

However, that's a long way of saying that I have virtually never had a bag check in Australia.

Froodle well I certainly don't look scruffy but yes, I've been asked in Kmart and JB HiFi and the JB Hi Fi one annoyed me more than anything as the woman was quite rude in the way she asked.

I also won't go there again. It's overpriced anyway.

It looks like a cheapo store by the way they market but it's anything but!

I've decided the next time I am asked I will just say no.

It was very rude and possibly racist. Take your custom elsewhere.
We once went to buy a new car in our old, weekend gardening clothes. The chap in the Jaguar garage ( sadly my husband quite fancied an XJS) ignored us completely, even when there were no other customers. We approached the desk and he said “ We don’t deal in older secondhand cars”. So, so rude. He lost a cash deal on a new car silly man. We settled on a Volvo XC90 that was not what my husband wanted but they had great customer service. It was also a better family car!

Ajas: Yes, JB Hi Fi is a vile place.

I only bought anything there because I wanted an entry level iPad and could get it there using my Coles Flybuy points - it was a want, not a need as I have a newish MacBook and felt guilty getting the iPad, so by using Flybuy points I could justify it. They had to order one in for me, and when I didn't hear about it, rang them and, surprise, surprise, they no longer kept them, but I could get the new one for an extra $250 dollars. Thanks, but no thanks, bought new model elsewhere, but then had the best part of $400 worth of gift cards which had to be used there. I was ropable.

The super light, large format Kobo ereader was the only thing I could see that I wanted, but my relationship with JB i Fi is over before it really started. My mum used to have an expression "shoddy droppers" for shops that sold all manner of cheap and nasty tat. JB looks like a shoddy droppers, but is horribly overpriced.

Ajas: Just thinking further- have you been asked in Coles or Woolies?

YANBU. She sounds racist to be honest and she shot herself in the foot by losing a regular customer. In addition the other costumers who she was slagging you off to may now also have a low opinion of her and may not return.

I used to buy flowers weekly at a new florist walking distance from home. As she became more established I noticed her customer service skills were dropping. The final straw was when I was selecting some flowers and a good looking couple who had an air of wealth came in. There was a festival so they must have come to the area for the event and decided to browse through the shop.

She basically stopped helping me and ran to them, fawning all over them. As I was picking up a bunch, I accidentally brushed against another flower and she loudly barked at me to be more careful in front of the rich looking couple. I could hear her quietly complaining to them about my terrible crime of brushing against a flower whilst they nodded and smiled. I felt hot with shame. She treated me like she’d never seen me before and like I was a nuisance although I’d supported her small business from opening day. The other couple whom she was trying so hard to ingratiate herself with left without buying anything. I paid for my flowers and never went back in. I now walk past her shop to the next flower shop. She tries to strike up conversation or fawn over my dogs as I walk past but she’ll never get another penny from me. I have also told DH that he is never to purchase anniversary, mother’s day flowers or Christmas trees from that shop again.