Going on a date night.... DD6?

[sparklydust]

Haven't been on a date night since DD (6) was 2 years old! DF offered to babysit and of course we jumped at the chance.

Last night DD started balling her eyes out saying she would miss me so much and doesn't want me to go, wants me to stay here with her and doesn't want to go to granddads. I felt awful and so guilty but at the same time, I really want to go? But worried about her....

She stopped this morning and was all fine about it again but now has burst into tears again saying the same thing. I've offered to FaceTime and even given her my favourite teddy to take but feel so bad however, really want some proper adult time with DH

So I guess I'm asking WWYD and AIBU to go despite the tears? Does that mean I'm a bad mum?!

Facetiming would just encourage more upset and then the rest of your night would be ruined. Go. Hand children over and go. Phones in bags. We've been leaving our daughter (now 5) with grandparents since she stopped needing night feeds and she does miss us but has a wonderful time with them and usually doesn't want to leave.

Alternatively be like the woman in our office who wouldn't do the big Las Vegas trip she had always wanted to do for her 40th because she had never left the kids (8 and 10) overnight for more than a night and they wouldn't cope.

Go and enjoy your date night!!!

Definitely go otherwise she'll think tears are the answer to getting her own way. I wouldn't FaceTime either. She'll be fine with your Dad

Have a great evening OP :)

Actually just remembered when mine were that age they cried if I left them, totally unconsolable, my Mum literally pushed me out of the door.

Now the teenager pushes me out of the door

It's in her own interest (within reason, which this most certainly is!) that her parents look after their relationship.

Have a nice time!

FGS. DH and I have had date nights or nights out since ours were 2 weeks old. Never even gave it a second thought and I was breast feeding.
Feel bit gutted though that my DS has gone on first holiday with his mates and has left me and DH to fend for ourselves.

Posted too soon.
Please go and have a lovely night with your DH.
Your DF will be fine looking after her and she will hopefully enjoy being a bit special having a night out too.

The only time DP have had together since DD 32mo was born, was when we were visiting his older DD who offered to look after her...so we could have 30 minutes in Aldi without distraction. Oh the romance.

(Oh, and a couple of times when DD has been at nursery — DP is mostly SAHD. As I work FT, this means either I’m off sick or have taken the day off to clean the house: living the dream, we are.)

Go for it. My inlaws had our two dc overnight last Friday. We were on our way to the pub when we rang them to them how school had gone etc as we'd been in work. My eldest wanted us to go over to see them and was saying he missed us. We just kept saying we'll see you tomorrow, have fun with gran etc. They were absolutely fine. Your daughter will be fine, if she hasn't been left for 4 years then I can understand why she's feeling the way she is but she will be OK. Enjoy your evening!

Why have you not had a night out with your partner in 4 years?????

FFS go already!

Yip go and have fun.
Do not call or FaceTime I did that once, my ds was screaming when I left him at my mums, called later in night he was crying and asking me to come and get him. I was about 40 mins away got sorted left and went to get him to be greeted with a house in darkness and everyone sleeping!
My mum wasn’t happy with me, said he was fine minutes after I left and my phone call started him off again.

I don't understand how you can possibly not have had a night out with your husband/partner in 4 years?

Unless there is a huge backstory or extensive special needs that should be factored in, I can't fathom this at all.

No wonder your kid is screaming the place down at 6 years old if you've pandered to her her entire life (and not making time for yourself is pandering to her). SHE'S 6!! She's not surgically attached to you - get a grip of yourself FFS...

My Ds had separation difficulties. I have had to go out , let him know and be upset . I do think it is important they learn you are not just Mum and Dad

All those up in arms about lack of date nights - get a hold of yourself!

We didnt have family who would babysit, never mind overnight. Lovely if you've had date nights since 2 weeks, sleepovers every year/etc - some of us arent so fortunate!!

Paying a babysitter makes an evening out v expensive if on low income. Its also vicious circle - if you've got kids who havent been left before and you're considering paying somone they've never met its a bigger deal than someone whose been used to childcare/ being left

So er yep. It would ve lovely to have had regular date nights and horrible that you'd judge those less fortunate. If you're offering......

Hope you have a lovely evening OP

Whilst I agree that this is due to lack of the child being left I also need to point out that not everyone has childcare on hand & babysitters cost a fortune so adds a lot to a night out unfortunately.

And not having childcare available is a perfectly valid reason, nobody is disputing that, of course not!

What I find so bloody weird is that the OP clearly does have a family that has offered but is so wracked with parental guilt that she can't leave her 6 year old and is considering facetiming her whilst out with her husband. This is NOT a normal response and please don't pretend it is.

I sense a massive drip feed coming.

And not having childcare available is a perfectly valid reason, nobody is disputing that, of course not!

What I find so bloody weird is that the OP clearly does have a family that has offered but is so wracked with parental guilt that she can't leave her 6 year old and is considering facetiming her whilst out with her husband. This is NOT a normal response and please don't pretend it is.

I sense a massive drip feed coming.

You need to make this at least a monthly thing!

You must go, because next time would be much worse. You can’t cave even if you want to. She’s 6 and will be fine.

YABU for calling it 'date night'. I hate that expression so much. If you've married/together for over 6 years then you're not 'dating'.

drools with envy over idea of it being a monthly thing @ monalisa

Flipping hell!! How on earth have you not managed a date night in 4 years??

Dies she do this with everyone or just your DF?

Here's what will happen. She will cry like mad, hold on to your sleeve, almost hyperventilate. You will leave. She will keep crying.

For about 90 seconds.

Then a toy or grandad or something will take over her attention and it will be as if you have never really existed. Have a really good evening.