Don't want to return to work

[Workshy666]

DS is nearly 2. I've been having a ball with him since he arrived. He's an easy child, we have a brilliant setup with local friends and playgroups and toddler classes. I absolutely adore helping him climb the couch a million times a day, making Lego tunnels for his "aermonpane" to fly through, talking about capatillers and wobble wobble butemfies, poking sticks into drains, solemnly watching the washingsheem go roundanround, stomping puddles, etc.

It's the first thing I've ever done in my life that I've really enjoyed and felt reasonably OK at (though I do realise I've been lucky with the kid and his loveliness isn't really about my parenting). I'm 42, so that's a lot of my life where I've been dragging myself through uni and career and non-career jobs that I've mostly really not enjoyed much, out of a sense of obligation and "this is what it's like being an adult, life's not about enjoyment". I don't want to stop. Even a part time job is going to halve the time I could spend with DS while he's little - say a 20 hour job would require 25+ hours' care, probably over three days...

We can afford me not returning to work. But I feel incredibly guilty as pretty much everyone we know has both parents working, and there are plenty of comments from friends, grandparents, DH's colleagues, about it being harder to return to work once you've been out for too many years when they're at school, about me "not contributing to society" because I don't work, about me "throwing away my career" and "letting my mind go to waste", etc.

I absolutely don't think I'm letting my mind go to waste or failing to contribute to society. Parental care of little children is hardly a waste of time and effort, particularly when it's working as well as it does for us. But I do recognise that it will be very, very hard indeed to get a job when I'm close to 50 and have been out of the workforce for nearly a decade. I also realise that my pension provision isn't perfect and that I'm currently financially dependent on DH.

We have a good relationship and this setup works well for us, so a split isn't likely, but if we did split we're reasonably financially comfortable/cushioned. This cushioning is the result of me spending 20 years in uni and a job I didn't really like, doing nothing but work because I was too depressed to enjoy anything else.

AIBU to continue to have fun with DS while he's little and worry about jobs later? Or am I being irresponsible?

If you did want to start earning again why don't you look into being a child minder and work from home

Thanks everyone. These responses make me happy.

I have a few transferrable skills that hopefully won't be useless any time soon, and a part-time semi-freelancing job to return to eventually (assuming the company survives Brexit). I also have a few fairly strong interests of my own that would fill the gaps nicely if I end up underemployed once DS is at school. So I haven't lost my own identity, am more revelling in DS' development ofhis own, at the moment.

If you can afford not work, dh is happy for you to stay at home and you want to stay at home, then it's a no brainer. Stay at home! Don't worry about what others say. Enjoy it while you can. Before you know it he will be a moody teen who only surfaces for food, before he returns to his pit!

I would look on it as a fantastic opportunity.

You can look after your child, explore other earning options.
I became a SAHM and it was a fantastic springboard to changing my path.
Don't believe the doomcasters!

Every one of my 5 closest friends ditched their 9-5 careers and every one has gone on to do some amazing things.

So, in four years time, when you have seven hours in the middle of each day Monday to Friday when child is in school or after-school activities, what are you going to do with your time?

(If you were planning to home-school, and give recorder, piano, violin and saxophone lessons personally, as well as starting 2-person choir, drama, football and cricket clubs, then obviously this question is less applicable. )

What better contribution to society could you make than raising a happy, healthy, well adjusted member of it? Your situation sounds perfect, OP. I really wish I'd enjoyed mothering a small child as much as you do.

Genuine question: If your husband announces tomorrow that he wants to become a SAHD because he wants to spend more time with his boy and doesn't really like working and asks you to work full time in order to fund that, how would you feel?
My own childhood is tinged with exactly the same memories of my mum. Papier mache, dens in the garden, planting flowers....anything and everything to do with play, fun and nurture.
I work full time and I still do these things with my kid (except for papier mache, eughhh!)

Please make sure you keep these transferable skills ip to date, and develop others. Also allow you child some nursery/preschool
I have 2 friends in the moment stuck in a deep dark hole after the kids started school (one, turns out having done nothing professional in 4 years devalued his skills a lot) or a partner suddenly died (and there is no way they can keep the house or even stay in the region)
take some courses, volunteer. how much is not important, doing something is

My OH would have found it difficult to work as he did and be a parent without my support- lots of trips away including abroad, long hours, unexpected jobs on call etc.

We are a team.
Although he was supporting us financially, I was also supporting him.

if my DH was happy to pay for me to stay at home then I would in a shot! Fuck working, life's too short. Sadly I am not in that position but if you are, I would do it without any guilt.

For me my only concern was if I take X amount of years out will I get back in as I couldn’t afford to never return? That depends on your actual role & career path, mine isn’t something I could pick up again & pt wasn’t an option. After DC1 I gave up career & went for a local pt role with the view to using it as a stepping stone.

Also times are different, technology is moving fast etc. I’m in my 30s and just starting to see some marriage breakdowns in our friendship group, so I really think it’s important to keep a toe in. However if your husband earns 500k a year it’s less of a worry!