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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To hate toddler bedtime so much I feel like crawling out of my own skin (or the window) to get away from it?

69 replies

Inkstainedmags · 11/07/2018 21:11

Sometimes I love the snuggles and intimacy of it with an equally strong feeling but right now bedtime is killing me. DS (2) isn't even that bad, he just wants to talk to me and drag all of his stuffies out of their basket and read 4000 books and have another drink and use the potty and read 4000 more books and... you know. He used to be asleep by 7 but now it's 8/8:30.

It's just that at the end of a long day I'm desperate for a little headspace and body space (three months out from breastfeeding he seems to be getting more obsessed with my breasts than ever) so when bedtime stretches out to 2 hours I feel like jumping out a window or shutting him in his room and letting him cry until he collapses.

Then, when he does fall asleep I come downstairs and hate myself for my impatience and the body language I know he witnesses when I'm frustrated.

Does anyone consistently love bedtime and do you have any tips for changing my attitude to it or do I just have to grit my teeth until he's old enough to take himself to bed?

OP posts:
Original poster
Inkstainedmags · 11/07/2018 22:54

It will be over before you know it and you will miss it more than words can say.

I tell myself this while I sit by his bed vibrating with frustration.

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WittyJack · 11/07/2018 22:55

If it helps you to feel better, my toddler has gone to bed - but DD2 is windmilling around like the Easter bunny on steroids and clearly never ever ever intends to sleep. And DH is flat out and snoring, which just makes it feel so much worse :((

Original poster
Inkstainedmags · 11/07/2018 23:01

she thought there were ghosts in her room

bless her. I think DS is more of your bog standard nosy and doesn't want to miss anything sort of toddler although now you mention it when he wakes up through the night he does sometimes seem utterly terrified.

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Original poster
Inkstainedmags · 11/07/2018 23:03

where we went wrong on Brexit was sending David Davis instead of a crack team of toddlers

This cracked me up but are we absolutely certain the country isn't being run by a bunch of toddlers?

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Original poster
Inkstainedmags · 11/07/2018 23:05

@WittyJack I feel for you and find no comfort in your pain. Flowers and a sharp stick with which to poke your DH.

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clairedelalune · 11/07/2018 23:10

I try to see the positives... I now dread bedtime more than bottom set year 9. Bedtime is a nightmare.

Original poster
Inkstainedmags · 11/07/2018 23:20

I go through bouts of this with my kids where I'm absolutely sick of them by bedtime then 10 minutes after they're asleep I'm wracked with guilt for not cherishing every moment.
...
Invariably someone will potter into our room in the middle of the night and get into our bed but by then I've had a break so I'm actually delighted to see them.

Baraginbin are you me?

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Fluffywuffyunicorn · 12/07/2018 00:00

Dd (2) doesn't nap. So that helps.
We start getting ready for bed between 7-730. Dd gets tucked in every night by dp and I settle and read till she falls asleep. We used to read the usual childrens books, but some nights we could be reading upto 10 books! I'v switched to books without pictures (currently harry potter) and we read a couple of pages a night.

User467 · 12/07/2018 00:37

Audio books work well here. Do your usual routine then tell him he can choose quiet for sleep or to listen to a book but mummy is going downstairs. If you pick the right book the reading is quite soothing

mrsjezzabell · 12/07/2018 02:24

I am going through this at the minute too. I have a DD4 who can put herself to bed but a DD2 who will scream the house down unless I hold her hand until she goes to sleep, which can be 5 mins or 2 hours. Also a DS3mths who is attached to my boobs during this. And it has to be mummy not daddy to put her to bed. I’m hoping she will grow out of it soon.

deptfordgirl · 12/07/2018 06:37

Oh my gosh we are having this at the moment, it just seems to have come out of nowhere. Ds has always self settled after a couple of books and a song and gone to sleep within 5 minutes. But for the last couple of nights he has screamed for me to come back for another song. I have been firm but his screaming gets more and more intense and he works himself up until he is literally shaking so I've had to bring him into our room where he has fallen asleep and then transfered him. I just don't know what's changed. I have cut his nap to see if that helps and last night he cried for a minute and then went to sleep as he was exhausted but a couple of hours later he work up hysterical wanting me. Is it just an age thing? Really need some downtime in the evenings and also have a 3 month old who needs me then.

Hortonlovesahoo · 12/07/2018 06:47

I don’t want to hijack this thread but for those who suggested reducing the nap/ removing it: what do you do when your toddler simply falls asleep (in the car/ on the sofa etc).

Waking her up is a massive no no as she’s so grumpy (don’t know where she gets it from HmmBlush

womcombat · 12/07/2018 08:33

I'd love to sit my two down and explain to them that actually I'm a pretty happy easy going fun person to be around, but 4 hours sleep and people repeating my name 4,762 an hour don't bring that out in me.

womcombat · 12/07/2018 08:35

Also at 2, I found mine was constantly adjusting nap times which had a knock on effect at bed time. Naps were dropped at 3 and bed time was instant at 7pm again!

OhHolyJesus · 12/07/2018 09:08

Moving continents might do it! My son goes out like a light on holiday and with clock changes.

Congrats with Oh Crap and everything else - lots going on. You could tackle it once you're settled in the new country if that's not too long to bear OP!

Our 5th wedding anniversary is next week and we're having a take away - oh how times have changed Grin

UtterlyConfused111 · 12/07/2018 09:17

Op
Same story here! We have a good bedtime routine but after a day of “mummy” 7000 times a day, I just want to sit down and have some peace. And I am pretty sure the solution is giving up the nap or shortening it but baby and toddler both sleep for 2 hours from 1-3 and it is my sanity saver!!!
Think I’ll start shortening it though... bedtime fuckwittery is just getting too much

Original poster
Inkstainedmags · 12/07/2018 14:09

I do think we'll wait to tackle it in the fall when we're settled in our new place, otherwise we could go through all the hassle just for the change of routine to set us back. It's not always bad but last night was especially torturous because I heard our takeaway arrive while DS was still pacing back and forth giving me every book off his shelf.

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Original poster
Inkstainedmags · 12/07/2018 14:11

I do find that it really helps me to enjoy bedtime and the cuddles when I know that I will be walking downstairs by a fixed time.

QueenAravis ^this. Part of the torture is definitely not knowing whether he's going to bounce around for another hour or crash in five minutes.

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Cornettoninja · 12/07/2018 14:52

I'd love to sit my two down and explain to them that actually I'm a pretty happy easy going fun person to be around, but 4 hours sleep and people repeating my name 4,762 an hour don't bring that out in me

Grin
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