To hate toddler bedtime so much I feel like crawling out of my own skin (or the window) to get away from it?

[Inkstainedmags]

Sometimes I love the snuggles and intimacy of it with an equally strong feeling but right now bedtime is killing me. DS (2) isn't even that bad, he just wants to talk to me and drag all of his stuffies out of their basket and read 4000 books and have another drink and use the potty and read 4000 more books and... you know. He used to be asleep by 7 but now it's 8/8:30.

It's just that at the end of a long day I'm desperate for a little headspace and body space (three months out from breastfeeding he seems to be getting more obsessed with my breasts than ever) so when bedtime stretches out to 2 hours I feel like jumping out a window or shutting him in his room and letting him cry until he collapses.

Then, when he does fall asleep I come downstairs and hate myself for my impatience and the body language I know he witnesses when I'm frustrated.

Does anyone consistently love bedtime and do you have any tips for changing my attitude to it or do I just have to grit my teeth until he's old enough to take himself to bed?

kaytee lalalala I can't hear you. I have wondered whether naptime is ending but that window of head space during the day keeps me sane.

I totally understand, my ds is just about to turn 2. He naps 2 hours at lunchtime and 7pm-7am but I'm very aware the time will come that this will change. He's always been on the later side for dropping naps (2 naps til he was 18mo) so I'm hoping he'll keep his nap til he's 3 🤞

You could try just doing bedtime an hour later so you're at least not stressing about it?

Stop being such a tool, MrsMeee

OP, I second posters who say it’s the weather. But also, the way I coped was to keep it simple. Teeth, wash, milk, one story. Cuddle me, cuddled her dad, bed.

No deviations. She asks every night if she can sleep in mine. I say no every night except Thursday, she doesn’t know it’s regular, but she appreciates the treat and I feel less harsh.

Good luck x

Oh I feel it. And bollocks to the ‘teach him to’ mantra. Its not that easy ime.

We’ve had the same thing with our 2.5 year old over the past few weeks, and sorry to say it turns out she was ready to drop her nap. Since doing so she’s gone straight to sleep at 7pm ish each night, is sleeping better and waking later (7am rather than 5-6am). She’s happier for it too. So maybe time to bid farewell to your window of head space? I feel your pain 😂

My kids (5&2) are pretty good at going to bed- pjs, teeth, story, bed. Almost never have to go back in to either of them. And I still really hate bedtime most of the time and find myself dreaming of a future when they just take themselves off, I’m just so desperate for my evening! (yes I know I’ll miss it when it stops yadda yadda yadda). So I am always hugely impressed with parents who have things much more difficult and don’t even up rocking in a corner somewhere...

My ds had a couple of nights where he wouldn't go to sleep until 9/10 a few weeks ago. I figured it was because he was outside playing in bright sunlight then being told it was bedtime. Now I bring him in at 6pm, shut the curtains, let him watch ITNG, bath at 6.30pm then bed 7pm.
Could be worth a try? I struggle to wind down when it's bright sunlight.

I know exactly how you feel!
We had to set strict limits although he's negotiated it up to: 4 stories (1 long and 3short unless I'm tired), 3 songs, "talks" and "circles"(from in the night garden) then one kiss and hug
I use the stories to speed up getting changed etc... "If we're quick we'll have time for The Gruffalo" and do abbreviate the stories and songs.

Oh and of course the gruffalo and a song before sleep, by that point he's usually pointing at his cot.

I have just got out of DD bedroom. DH did bath time and the first hour of lights out. I fucking hate bed time

We had to set strict limits although he's negotiated it up

Feeling your pain on that. Clearly, where we went wrong on Brexit was sending David Davis instead of a crack team of toddlers.

I go through bouts of this with my kids (two under 4) where I'm absolutely sick of them by bedtime then 10 minutes after they're asleep I'm wracked with guilt for not cherishing every moment.

We have a good routine going at the moment but the times aren't set in stone and depend on what way naps fells/how early they got up.

Bath every night, a few stories on the couch, milk then teeth upstairs then into their own beds for a few more stories (number of stories depends on what they choose, ie: how long each one will take). Lights off and I often stay and hold both their hands for 5/10 minutes. If they're still awake I whisper I have to go do a specific job, "tidy up blocks", or "fill up the dishwasher". My DH is here too so we sometimes take turns, sometimes do bedtime together. I love them so so much and try to remember how lucky I am when I'm feeling pissed off. And that in a few years they won't want me near them.

Invariably someone will potter into our room in the middle of the night and get into our bed but by then I've had a break so I'm actually delighted to see them.

Feeling your pain on that. Clearly, where we went wrong on Brexit was sending David Davis instead of a crack team of toddlers

^ 😂 my mum says that toddlers are so stubborn as in caveman days they wouldn't have survived otherwise. So when my ds is shouting for a third bowl of strawberries I try to remind myself it's just a survival instinct.

I literally spend £50 a week on petrol
Cos dc will Only sleep during the day if driven for 30+ minutes (2 hour nap)

I feel your pain

(Then goes bed 10pm til 7-30 am)

I hate hate hate bedtime I find it boring and frustrating. My kids don't cry or moan but the youngest can roll aroumd for an hour before going to sleep he doesn't even want us in bed just to sit in the chair next to him. Ds1 gets uo for a pee 65 times well 2 or 3 but everytime he creeps along the hall then scares the shit out of me.
Dp does most of the bedtimes because i get so fed up I would much rather do the tidy up than sit waiting for ds2 to sleep.

I can't wait until they are old enough to go to bed and stay in bed.

ah the toddler years- genuine sympathies to those of you struggling. I have 6, so know what it's like. I have teens now so never have any time to myself- how I long for the toddler years!

performs secret toddler sleep-dodger handshake

I feel your pain op - 2.5 yr old dd’s bedtime is creeping up later and later and of course daddy has no business having any part of bedtime in her eyes

I’m pretty sure dropping the nap would crack it but she’s only managed a couple of days here and there without it and every other time has passed out at 5pm and really mucked up her sleep cycles. Fussy eating has risen it’s head too but I’m not quite as fussed about that.

Little cow bag had always been a terrible sleeper though so in other ways I think we’re making small headways with self settling.

Cc never worked on my dd, she could keep going for hours with 10 minute catnaps to reenergise for another round. I honestly think I made her worse in the end and made the attachement need stronger. Anyone professing to have all the answers can kiss my ringpiece frankly. Might have worked on your kids but you haven’t met mine so keep your smug to yourself.

Just repeat ‘it’s a phase it’s a phase it’s a phase’

I’m still trying to get DS3 to sleep. I started at 8.

In his defence he’s getting over chicken pox. (although he’s a pain in the backside about bedtime 98% if the time!) He’s not actually feeling ill right now but was really poorly over the last few days.

I feel really guilty but by this point I am regularly saying ‘I love you, but please, GO THE FUCK TO SLEEP!!’ on repeat in my head. My husband works long hours, I can’t remember the last time he did bath and bedtime, he’s not usually home. I get up with him every morning around 6am apart from Sunday’s which is my lie in day... except quite often I take DS1 to a hobby that we both enjoy which has a lot of early starts.

I just get so frustrated and resentful by this point in the day

I’ve always done story downstairs then go to bed, kiss and good night. I don’t spend any time in his bedroom. My ds is two next month.

We have cuddles and story and teeth done then up. The changes recently have been he used to have milk but that’s stopped; used to get in his gro bag but he started getting stressy so they went; and we used to carry him up and now he walks up the stairs.

We made a conscious decision not to stay in his room. We go in if he needs settling (which has been a bit more than usual recently!!) but otherwise he’s in and down. I’m more firm than his dad on that front but even he has started leaving him there now whereas he’d be the first to bring him back out!

I had to do CC which has helped a huge amount. Maybe doing everything outside the room and keeping his room for sleeping only?

Raising a brew anyway - one day they’ll be teenagers and we won’t be able to drag them out!

I'm still trying to settle mine and he was up at 6am, I don't get any down time at the moment and it's hard. I'd kill to watch some crappy tv or read a book but by the time my toddler gives in, I'm shattered and need to get ready for bed myself. He's usually up at least once in the night but the good news is, the hot weather is tiring him in the afternoon so he sometimes has half an hour nap, so great to get a tiny bit of headspace.

You need to set some boundaries, right now he knows he can spin this out and he is. It should be clear you will only read one book and that's it. I had to be tough on mine as I worked full time from when they were 6 weeks old (1980's) and quite honestly I'd have gone barking mad with this scenario every night and it isn't good for them either.

I used to have the same issue when my eldest was small. I generally would cuddle/ bf to sleep but it could be quite a long process (and frustrating at times!!) What worked for us was a special toy for bedtime - I think we had an early learning torch one time and a torch which projected pictures of space (very cheap from toymaster) he would only get it when lights were out. It really helped him to settle and go to sleep. I have two amazing happy sleepers now. It is a bit of grin and bear it situation if sleep training in the traditional sense isn't your thing - but having come out the other side twice I can say that doing it the cuddly way has not made me a rod!!

It’s the nap I would say. Reduce it to an hour if you don’t want to lose it. Or bring it forward.

DD is 2.5, hasn’t napped since 20 months old. But if she does have a nap for whatever reason then bedtime is late and very drawn out.

Usually it’s up to bed at 6:30pm, 2 books, cuddle and lights out. I sit with her but don’t talk to her, she is asleep in minutes. Sleeps until 7am the next morning.

I’d much rather have my evenings than an hour during the day but appreciate it’s hard to think of dropping the nap. DD never gave us the choice!

It gets better pretty quickly if that's any consolation, my 5 and 3 year olds have been terrible sleepers and it's better now. I have to say rules and consistency have been a huge part of making things better along with rewards for good bedtime and earning their stories with good behaviour during the day seems to make it more definitive for them. I know it sounds nuts but bedtime was bad when it was really hot, I made it 30mins earlier and it worked a treat.

It will be over before you know it and you will miss it more than words can say.

Wow thank you all so much. I put my phone away to watch a show with DH (it's our 10th wedding anniversary and boy do we know how to celebrate ) and come back to all your sympathy, solidarity and useful tips. I'll be going back through your posts to make notes of things to try.

We probably do need to cut down his nap (2 hours) and definitely need to lay down some new rules about bedtime. There have been a lot of changes in our lives recently - stopping breastfeeding, successfully potty training (thank you Oh Crap!) and preparing to move continents - so I think we'll do some mental preparation and start making bedtime changes in a month or two when the dust settles.

Thank you for your time! Just reading your posts has brought my post-bedtime stress levels down significantly.