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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think that yr3 is not too young for sex education?

114 replies

FunnysInLaJardin · 11/07/2018 20:27

Obvs age appropriate. Another mum is DS2's class was outraged that her DS had to hear such things as he is so innocent and naive.

I am quite happy with it as tbh he has heard all of this already from his older brother. FWIW the boy in question also has an older sister so chances are he knows too.

But AIBU? There seems to be a difference of opinion in RL!

OP posts:

megletthesecond · 11/07/2018 21:32

You're never too young for biology.

GettingBackToMe · 11/07/2018 21:35

Depends what they are showing them and how the teacher handles it. Naming body parts and biology textbook diagrams is one thing, but in yr 4 my DS’s class were shown, with cartoon videos, all about how babies were made, culminating in an access-all-areas video of childbirth. They all came out of school screeching about how disgusting it was (‘my eyes! My eyes!’), like a horror film etc, and some of the girls are now determined that motherhood is not for them. Personally I’d rather teach them about this stuff myself, as and when they are curious, or it becomes relevant, rather than leave it to the school to traumatize them!

malificent7 · 11/07/2018 21:36

What is wrong with knowing the penis goes in the vagina or are we supposed to talk about belly buttons and other such bullshit.
Its a scientific fact fgs. I'm amazed at the amount of handwringing that goes on re sex education.

OldBean2 · 11/07/2018 21:38

It isn't PSHE, it is Science and it is about naming of parts and that comes under the Science Curriculum. I have had to deal with an irate dad making the same assumption. If it is PSHE, you will get a note... but frankly schools do not consult when talking about basic biology.

I also expect him to send me a letter complaining when children discuss this in the playground! Because we get one of those every couple of years, too.

malificent7 · 11/07/2018 21:39

And this thing about knowing about sex meaning a lack of innocence is bizarre.

InDubiousBattle · 11/07/2018 21:46

LittleDorrit I think it's different if a child has never shown an interest or asked, it's just that when my ds did ask I wouldn't have seen any benefit in lying. The first thing he asked when my friend was pregnant and 'had a baby in her womb' was 'how did it get there?'! He's also seen that his sister and me don't have a pen and asked why.

malificent7 · 11/07/2018 21:49

It would be far worse if your child lost their innocence if they were coerced into inappropriate actions due to being sheltered from life's basic facts.

malificent7 · 11/07/2018 21:53

I learned it all at a very young age (7) in graphic detail due to the very detailed Osbourne facts of life.
I also used to sneak into mums room and read the joy of sex. I still managed to wait till 16 before I lost my virginity. Despite peer group pressure.
I wonder if the French or Spanish are so worried about sex ed?

FatSally · 11/07/2018 22:04

No school gives their Year 3, 7 and 8 year olds, PiV talks.

It's about body hair, puberty, periods, the PANTS stuff. 'Sex education' is a misleading term for that age.

No, I don't think it's at all necessary for 7 year olds and younger to know about PiV sex.

Teaching your five year old about PiV is pretty grim.

Janek · 11/07/2018 22:09

This is a good book, there's a girls' and a boys' version.

DiabolicalMess · 11/07/2018 22:10

Oh god my baby ds is just about to go in to y3!!

I suppose I don't really have a problem with it, it's obviously going to be a gentle introduction - they're not going to settle them down on the carpet and put on a porno are they. They have already been discussing the PANTS thing at our school which is more important at this age in my opinion and something we have already discussed at home. We have not broached sex though in any way - despite just having a baby brother arrive recently. I'm embarrassed to say I "grew him from a poppy seed in my tummy"

BertrandRussell · 11/07/2018 22:17

"No, I don't think it's at all necessary for 7 year olds and younger to know about PiV sex"

Can you explain why not?

GlitterGlue · 11/07/2018 22:18

Not too young for basic biological facts. If they don’t get the actual facts from a parent or a teacher they’ll get some half-baked nonsense from the playground.

Loopyloopy · 11/07/2018 22:18

It's a curious scientific fact that the earlier children learn about sex, the older they are when they start having sex.

InDubiousBattle · 11/07/2018 22:18

I think it can be done in an age appropriate way though.
Diabolical, I think that would have been my instinctive reaction initially too but ds would have just wound me up in circles! 'Why a poppy seed? Why didn't you grow a poppy? If I plant a poppy seed in the garden will I grow a brother?......... It would go on for hours.

DiabolicalMess · 11/07/2018 22:40

@InDubious I know, in hindsight I wish I had been more honest, I'd been thinking he might ask but never really decided on what would be the best / most appropriate way of approaching it, without knowing what and how much detail they're told at school. What if I tell him the full p in v thing and he goes in to school and tells his friend and his friend tells his mum that littlediabolical said such and such, when friend's mum had gone down the gooseberry bush route. My ds is only six at the moment, one of the youngest in his year and won't be 7 until after they break up for summer. I'm going to keep telling myself that...

As an aside, when do you stop being naked around kids, I'm thinking now, perhaps even should have been before now, I'm breast feeding and ds sees everything fairly frequently, I'm usually sat topless in bed in this bloody heat when he comes in of a morning. Should I be covering up? He still comes in whilst I'm in the shower to ask who my favourite wrestler is random questions. Should I be asking him to knock by now? Or is there benefit whilst he's still pre-pubescent or seeing what a natural woman is like before he even comes across porn later in his teenage years 🙈 (that sounds really wrong and I hope i don't come across like Norma Bates and don't worry I'll be discouraging porn!!!)

Sorry, I don't mean to derail the thread...

FatSally · 11/07/2018 22:45

"No, I don't think it's at all necessary for 7 year olds and younger to know about PiV sex"

Can you explain why not?

Because it's just not relevant. It's not something any seven year old needs to know so I can't see the point in purposefully telling them about it.

InDubiousBattle · 11/07/2018 22:53

I suspect they make that decision for us! I think I'll be led by them as to when they want privacy etc. I know some of my friends saw their parents naked for the entire time they lived at home, so 18 ish. Given that I now actively avoid seeing myself naked where possible I can't imagine it going past the point at which we all have to shower/bathe at the same time to stay safe and get out of the house on time!

Pollaidh · 11/07/2018 22:57

I knew PIV aged 5, obviously decades ago. Matter of fact. Thought it all sounded a bit yucky.

DC4 knows the biologically correct facts and terms, it's just part of an ongoing conversation, and he asked. Older DD has known for years too. They're completely matter of fact about it.

SidekickSally · 11/07/2018 23:01

My DDs had sex education early in school but in the early years it was just biology and then the importance of self respect, learning that no means no, boundaries etc. That is a really important lesson, it's not all about the physical part of sex.

I've always been open about the subject too, why not. DDs had lots of questions and thought the whole thing was hilarious for a while then it became no big deal. I didn't force the subject on them but they naturally had questions and I can't see the point of skirting round a subject. I think this has stood them in good stead now they're older.

Pollaidh · 11/07/2018 23:03

And you can't pull the wool over my DC's eyes. If it doesn't make sense they keep asking. They can tell.

i.e. How do you make a baby?

You need a sperm, like a seed, and an egg, and they are like 2 recipe books which combine to build a whole new person.
Then they ask where the sperm and egg come from.
Then they ask how the sperm get to the egg.
Then they ask how the sperm gets from the willy into the vagina...

Loopyloopy · 12/07/2018 02:40

There is absolutely no issue with your child seeing you breastfeeding! It's normal!

Angelicinnocent · 12/07/2018 07:15

Most of the parents I know have just gone the honest answers when questions are asked route and it seems to work. They know the facts before they get to those embarrassing preteen years and also know they can ask their parents questions.

The horror on 1 dad's face when his preteen daughter asked him to explain what tea bagging was, after she heard it in the playground, did make me wonder if it was all for the best though

user1499173618 · 12/07/2018 07:33

Where human babies come from and how they are made is one of the most fundamental pieces of knowledge in the basic kit we all require to pursue our lives. Children need to grow up not even remembering where they learned this, so embedded is it in their culture to talk about sex and reproduction as a biological function.

Lotsofdigestives · 12/07/2018 07:42

Fat Sally. I taught year 6 PIV sex Ed.

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