Ex doesn't want to pay CMS wants to pay half of everything

[namechangedfor]

What are people's views on this.

Ex is self employed. Has freely admitted he pays himself the minimum to avoid tax and so that the maint payments for our child are in the region he wants. Freely admits his accountant does his books this way.

He does not want to pay Cms. He does pay but the minimum based on his 'wage' not on his actual income.

He wants me to declare what I spend on rent, utilities and food so he can decide what Percentage of these to pay. He wants me to disclose and provide evidence of what I spend on our child's clothes, activities, leisure, school trips etc and he will pay half.

I am not willing to do this.

I want a set amount each month so I can budget. I don't really care what that amount is but I want it done through the cms as I don't trust him.

Does anyone think IABU

If you can afford to I'd tell him to stick his payment where the sun don't shine and fuck off out your life.

I am eternally grateful I could afford to tell my abusive ex not to pay. He'd have used it as a fucking great log to best me with every fucking day.

@Wallywobbles

It's not the amount.

It's the way he's going about it.

I don't need it.

He's livid I've gone the CMS. More so as they wrote to him about the variation.

@whatiwishfor the annual income is after pension contributions as they are not taxable. However, you can also ask for a variation on the ground of diversion of income if the amount he is paying into his pension seems excessive in comparison to his earnings. His circumstances will be looked into ie, how old is he? What is his pension provision like?, what job does he do? Does he have to retire at a certain age?

Stop talking to him. He's a cunt. You just have to keep on at CMS. It should be a criminal offence and he should go to prison for it.

I'd give him one total figure in an email in reply to his request and that's it

My partner pays for things for his children instead of maintenance. It works out financially better for their mum and the children are much better off. So he pays directly for all their after school activities, anything to do with school including fees, uniforms, books, camps, etc, we buy at least 50% of the kids casual clothes and shoes, any medical costs and we have the kids every weekend so cover most of the entertainment expenses as they are at school during the week. This way we know the children are benefiting directly from the money. We did a short trial of paying set maintenance but she was always asking for more money and pulled the kids from all their after school activities claiming to not be able to afford them.

^ so he doesn't contribute to a roof over their heads or food in their bellies? Shocking. Is he financially abusive to you as well?

love the way Xenia uses the opportunity to brag, instead of offering advice.

oh excellent. crack on op. make it as difficult as you can for him. as long as you can
what a nasty man he is.

Insist on doing every financial discussion in writing, and make it clear that while you will not criticise him while they are children his child will have the papertrail as an adult, and will know how he used hs accountant to avoid providing for them. .

Fight fire with fire. Tell him if he isn't going to be reasonable neither will you be and if he isn't going to pay a reasonable amount of maintenance you will send his accounts to HMRC for review.

No one wants that now, do they?!?

He is controlling
But good luck in getting any money including child maintainance. Particularly if self employed......

Whatiwish, my ex deliberately poured money in to his pension to reduce his declared salary. CMS do not take this in to account.

You can work those things out for yourself and give him an amount which is fifty percent of your monthly outgoings, he didn't need your details. He can then either agree to that as a regular monthly amount and pay for a solicitor to draw up a legal agreement or you go via CMS, give him those options. If he didn't like your number or going to a solicitor, that's fine you're happy to go via CMS

I know I can work these things out.

There are things we can't agree on. He won't contribute to things he thinks is have anyway. Rent. Heating. Water etc.

Clothing - it's different every month. School uniform got bought last week as there was a 20% off in m and s. Lots of things don't have receipts. I.e eBay.

I don't want to be asking my him every month to pay half of things and put in an expense request like I do for work. I don't want to have to speak to him.

He had fucked us both over very badly. This is outing but I've bane changed - I posted at new year about how he upped and left to go the other side of the world and didn't say goodbye to his child. Just text to me saying sort out the mortgage I'm not paying it or coming back. I sold the house and a week before it went through he said if I didn't give him my half of the profit I'd have to drag him though the courts to sell. I let him have it, to get shot, it wasn't a life changing amount. He then came back a week before the sale.

He's seen his child four times since last year.

Blames me! I just can't believe this cunt has the cheek to say he doesn't want to fund my lifestyle.

I work full time. He doesn't fund anything.

The thing is after everything he's put us through I've never withhold contact as that would be wrong.

Sorry I needed a rant I've woke up and I can't feel in my blood it's pmt time!!

In That case just go cms route and blank him from your life
Don’t make any effort to facilitate him with contact, give him set times, in writing, if he doesn’t turn up write it all down.

Get an email address that is only for contact with him about your child. And then block him on everything

He won't contribute to things he thinks is have anyway. Rent. Heating. Water etc.

But those things will be more because you have a DC living with you!
At least double (2-bed property instead of one bed). And you may have childcare costs, a lot more laundry etc.

I think he's being really controlling, wanting to know the ins and outs of a duck's arse, so he can quibble over everything you spend.

The amount self-employed people get away with pisses me right off. The cost of DP's ex's alcohol dependency goes through in her company accounts as "entertaining clients", and all her fares and taxi bills, I don't know how she gets away with it.

She used the "director's loan" loophole to avoid paying tax on dividends, she "lent" them to the company so that when she paid them to herself, they were loan repayments. I'm pleased to read that loophole has been changed. She "lent" the company £120k one year.