To not give ds' friend birthday money

[cakedup]

Ds' close friend is inviting some friends over to his bouse for his 13th birthday. When it was ds birthday I took him and his friends paintballing and the friend gave ds £20 birthdsy gift.

I don't have a spare £20. I'm in financial hardship and I'm scraping pennies. The friend is very well off. I know it would be extremely rude of ds to turn up empty handed. I don't know the parents well, only to say hi to. Ds says it would be embarassing to turn up with a box of chocolates. What do I do?

I wouldn’t give a box of chocolates could you spare ten pounds? If money’s been tight I tend to decline the invitation. Personally I wouldn’t feel right not giving anything.

See if you can find another cheap present for £5 but I would go for something that looks more expensive. You shouldn't get judged for not spending £20 I don’t even spend that on some family members!

Yes me too Snappedandfarted2018 and I have declined 2 invitations this month because of it. However, this is one of his closest friends and he'll still see him at school for his birthday.

£10 would be better but still seems like a ridiculous spend in the scheme of things. It's also the kind of things school friends judge each other on.

Well ds just called to say it's today, not next week as thought! He is going to his friend's house now and wants me to pick him up at 4.45pm!! Can't believe that's going to cost me a tenner!

Go on your local buy and sell sites for your area on FB there’s generally great deals on second hand toys, I bought my DD a trike for 15 quid then had it shipped over for twenty where I live abroad it’s retail is 150. It’s worth looking

By 13 they're pretty much too old for toys. Books are a possibility with some-but obvious not at such short notice.

I think £10 is fine but if you can't afford it you can't. Id hope none of ds' friends felt they couldn't celebrate his birthday with him because they couldn't afford a present.

LadyOdd the friend is 13 years old and I need to sort it within the hour.

I would give him a promissory gift of an outing of some sort. Make it an experience based on the two of them spending the day together rather than physical gift.

Did they enjoy paintballing? Is it affordable and something they'd enjoy doing together at some stage? Or say you'll take both boys to the beach /park / other free activity /whatever might be coming up that you can afford.

At the risk of sounding cheesy, make memories

I really wouldn't buy him a second hand to, for a start 13 year olds don't really want toys and giving a second hand gift is a bit off if you ask me.

@cakedup - how about something daft, that a teenage boy would love - like a huge jar of Nutella and some giant marshmallows to dip in it?

Yes, something like "IOU a surprise all day outing during the summer holidays with DS!"

Gives you time to think about what you can do with him.

Put it in the birthday card so DS has something to hand over.

Oh no! Only an hour poor you x I didn’t realize he was 13 x

My DS has a friend who always gives bigger than we can give.. I always do £5..they are old enough to understand.

A bithday card with some bars of chocolate or a selection of sweets would be fine for most 13 years old. Or a tenner in a card if you can afford it.

I don't suppose you have anything you could regift? Book or t-shirt or something? If not then I would put whatever you can afford in a card and text the Mum to explain that money is tight.

I would buy a few things from poundland or some kind of discount store that look like they could have added up to more.
Even a load of food (junk food/fizzy drinks)

I would hate if anyone invited to a party wouldn't go cos they couldn't afford a present 😩

Card & packet of sweets & iou for a day with ds over the holidays

Give £10 in a card, and that's fine, they are more well off than you, or £5 if you cannot afford that.

Would you be able to get a few chocolate bars/bags of sweets. Not the most exciting but should be less than a tenner and should be a fine for a teenage boy.

At that age DB and his mates would just give £5. So over the year they gave the fivers and got them all back on their birthday....

But crucially, the money came from them (saved pocket money) not from the parents

Does your son not have a money box/his own money he could use ?

You took your sons friend paintballing when it was your sons birthday whereas you son is going to his friends house for a little over an hour, paintballing isnt cheap so dont feel bad about not matching his friends gift of £20, I hope that makes sense. :) What about a novelty birthday cake, and a card? My sons are older now but when they were a similar age one of their friends wasnt well off and he used to buy strange but amusing presents, he even bought me some poundland pop socks once for christmas and batteries another year, we all loved him because he was him, no one judged him, which is how it should be, your sons company should be enough but I understand how you feel

£20!

I'm in a big family and none of us are loaded so even my nieces and nephews get £5 for birthdays and xmas. School friends would def be a token gift. Friend's parents generosity on your lad's birthday was lovely but obviously without any awareness that others may not be so lucky financially and may feel they have to match the amount.

With plenty of time you could have found a bargain gift. I think with the short notice maybe stretch to £10 IF you can but jeez!

@cakedup one year a work we did a secret Santa and I really did not know the person! I went to a local shop and bought about a fiver worth of big bars of chocolate and wrapped it up.

I later heard the recipient telling others, in a really happy voice, 'I opened my present up and it was all these massive bars of chocolate!" or words to that affect!

He was happy and he was a lot older than 13.

I'd go for that if I were you.

I would love that gift now italiangreyhound may steal that idea this year for secret santa