To not give ds' friend birthday money

[cakedup]

Ds' close friend is inviting some friends over to his bouse for his 13th birthday. When it was ds birthday I took him and his friends paintballing and the friend gave ds £20 birthdsy gift.

I don't have a spare £20. I'm in financial hardship and I'm scraping pennies. The friend is very well off. I know it would be extremely rude of ds to turn up empty handed. I don't know the parents well, only to say hi to. Ds says it would be embarassing to turn up with a box of chocolates. What do I do?

I’m in the same position. Dd (14) has been invited to a party at the weekend, it’s short notice and I’m skint, I think I will just send some sweets and dd is going to draw a picture as her friend has asked for some of her art work to go on her bedroom wall. It’s the thought that counts, I wouldn’t be upset if a guest didn’t buy much for my dd’s birthday, not everyone can afford it.

actually a good gift can be something simple but personal, a photo of the 2 of them in a £5.00 frame and some sweets...I would love that as a teen (although may be not the same for boys as girls)

Lynx. 13 year old boys are into that generally. You can get a box with shower gel and spray for a few quid.

Thanks for your suggestions everyone. I am on my way to pick him up and will offer ds £10 to give him. Day out would be nice but realistically I could only afford to take them swimming which the friend does all the time. The cute/personal ideas doesn't really work for 13 year old boys who are just about embarassed about anything.

England football cap or flag? V cheap & available in all supermarkets right now!

Ds would've paid for it out of his own pocket money but he is skint as well!

Bit late now I know but I would have just bought a huge dairy milk (the ridiculously large size that is about 6 foot long) for a fiver and given him that! Or the Nutella and marshmallows gift a PP suggested earlier, thought that was great too. Also I think £10 is entirely appropriate given that friend is having a party at home and £20 was given when you took the friend paintballing, I'm sure £10 of that was a nod towards the fact that you'd paid for that expensive activity and wouldn't be expected for a quiet (and inexpensive) birthday in his own house.

Nutella and marshmallows made me think s’mores kit!!! Sounds like this is too late anyway, but I think he crazy food ideas are perfect.

P.S. Well off people pay precious little attention to the cost of gifts. They sent 20 because it was easy, I doubt they were trying to set a standard. Don’t stress about it.

It worked out in the end! I got there, and the friend had invited about 5 other boys, they were all watching each other play Fortnite. No-one else had brought a present or card apparently. There was nothing birthday-ish about it. The parents weren't even there, the grandparents were sort of there in the background. And the boy's actual birthday was late June!

If money wasn't an issue then I would stick some money in a card for the sake of it but considering the set up, I am just going to get DS to invite his friend over to ours which he'd really like to do.

Perfect! What a pleasant surprise!

Phew!