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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU not to give wedding gift?

29 replies

JohnnyLisaMark · 10/07/2018 18:05

I've been invited to a wedding as a +1. Don't know the couple, only met groom once in passing. I have to travel really far to get there and take a day off work, so it's costing me. The invitation says something like "having you all there is the greatest gift we could wish for but if you want you can donate towards our honeymoon". I have no active desire to donate towards their honeymoon, as I am struggling to pay off debts and already spent over £200 on train tickets and accommodation. Is it completely socially unacceptable to not give a donation? I feel like people would think I was a dick if I didn't, and I'd feel resentful if I did and then couldn't pay my credit card bill.

Can I just give them a card? Am I overthinking things?

OP posts:
lynmilne65 · 10/07/2018 18:06

Don't go

DPotter · 10/07/2018 18:07

Surely the responsibility for the present lies with the person form whom you are the '+1'. So yes - I think you are over-thinking things. Leave it to your partner, oh and don't offer if you can't afford it!

KirstenRaymonde · 10/07/2018 18:07

Just give them a card. But you also don’t have to go if it’s putting you out so much.

SnuggyBuggy · 10/07/2018 18:07

A card is fine

KirstenRaymonde · 10/07/2018 18:07

And yes, only the person getting the invite is responsible for present giving. If you’re a couple you give as a couple.

MagicFajita · 10/07/2018 18:08

A card is fine. Also , it sounds like you don't even want to go , why are you going if you're so broke and don't know them?

madcatladyforever · 10/07/2018 18:09

Why are you going?

Nanny0gg · 10/07/2018 18:11

Not your problem.

It's for the named guest to deal with.

BeakyPlinder · 10/07/2018 18:11

I Recently got married and some guests like you had travelled far to get there and just gave cards and we were absolutely grateful that they came and realise how much of an expense it is. Definitely don't give money as the plus 1 either!

And also you kind of forget who gave what if your like us and just ripped open all the cards the next day 😂

AmazingPostVoices · 10/07/2018 18:12

They won’t notice whether you give them a gift or not.

Neither will anyone else.

LadyFidgetAndHerHandbag · 10/07/2018 18:13

A card is definitely acceptable, in fact I'd get in on your partner/friend's one rather than one on your own then maybe send a thank you card of your own after the day saying how kind of them to invite you and how much fun you had, compliment something (even if it was a shitty day Wink), etc.
I'm getting married soon and we're not having gifts - we've nominated some charities and have said that people can donate if they'd like to spend money on us. I really hope people have taken us at our word.

Sanguin · 10/07/2018 18:14

Aren’t you eating or drinking anything there?

kaytee87 · 10/07/2018 18:14

Surely you just sign the card of the person you're going with and they put the money in?

19lottie82 · 10/07/2018 18:15

Is whoever you’re the +1 to giving a gift? If so then surely it will be a joint gift?

If not then I’d say you have to give something. Not necessarily £££, a £12 bottle of champagne from Lidl would do the job, but a bit rude to turn up empty handed.

MadMags · 10/07/2018 18:15

Not sure why you’d spend money you don’t have going to the wedding of strangers.

oldsockeater · 10/07/2018 18:15

It's not up to the plus one to give a present, but why are you going if it's so inconvenient and you don't know them? They would probably rather you didn't go - they only invited you to be polite to your partner.

LeighaJ · 10/07/2018 18:15

"having you all there is the greatest gift we could wish for"

You're already giving them a present just by being there, not your fault if they were just slyly throwing that in so as to not sound as grabby as they actually are.

If you want to make it extra special dress up like a present with a bow and everything.

honeyishrunkthekid · 10/07/2018 18:17

Why would you go to a wedding of someone you don't know or particularly care about?

LeighaJ · 10/07/2018 18:17

Oh and to answer everyone's question she's obviously going to the wedding she doesn't want to go to because it's a new relationship and he's hot.

TroubledLichen · 10/07/2018 18:18

You’re going as a couple as it’s named person and guest, you being the guest. So you give a joint gift and that’s the responsibility of the person named on the invite. That aside, why on Earth have you spent over £200 you don’t have going to a wedding of people you don’t know?!

hmmwhatatodo · 10/07/2018 18:19

Why are you going to all this trouble for people you don’t know? Why didn’t the person asking you to go help towards your travel and accommodation if they really wanted you to go with them?

KirstenRaymonde · 10/07/2018 18:20

Sanguin what’s your point? Covering the cost of a guests meal/drinks with the gift has never been the tradition in the UK.

TheMonkeyMummy · 10/07/2018 18:23

That is the most selfish thing I have heard today.

They are clearly trying to make it a pleasurable experience for the person you have in common, by issuing a +1 invite.

Common sense would say that the card/gift is signed from the both of you. So take it up with that person.

If you don't want to go, then don't go. I am sure someone else would love the opportunity to be part of a celebration.

Aprilshouldhavebeenmyname · 10/07/2018 18:24

Packet of condoms in a card..

Sanguin · 10/07/2018 18:27

It’s not about covering the cost of the food and drinks. My point is the OP will have no qualms about eating their food and drink but will be resentful to stick a tenner in a card for them. I find it very rude but at the end of the day hey it’s up to you.