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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Ex Husband Had a baby with my Best friend

29 replies

Cianna2011 · 10/07/2018 09:04

Hi,
This is my first time doing anything like this. Just after some thoughts.
I was married to my husband for 5 years and my best friend and him were seeing each other. We have two beautiful kids one 7 and the other 5. I have just recently found out that they have a child together. 6 months old. The DNA results proved it. I feel betrayed even though I haven't spoken to her in a couple of years. I don't know how my kids are going to take it when they are told. I'm so angry with both of them! Is this normal to feel like this?

OP posts:
LyndseyKola · 10/07/2018 09:05

So they were cheating behind your back during your marriage?

NewYearNewMe18 · 10/07/2018 09:08

How long have you been apart?

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 10/07/2018 09:08

How your kids take it will be determined by how you present it. They do not need to deal with your hurt and anger and disappointment. How long have you and exH been separated?

Littlebluebird123 · 10/07/2018 09:10

I don't think YABU.
What a horrible situation for you to be in.

Although he must not have much contact with DCS for them not to know they have a sibling. Or doesn't he live with OW?
I think most children are excited to have a new sibling but it depends on the relationship. If the baby is with exH then when they visit they'll have contact and it will just be a part of life.
If the baby is not with him, he would need to be the one sorting out whether they see/know about the sibling. If this is the case you don't need to do anything as it's nothing to do with you.
Flowers for you

NewYearNewMe18 · 10/07/2018 09:12

I assume he and the OW are now separated if a DNA test was involved ?

longwayoff · 10/07/2018 09:25

Of course its normal to feel how you do. Its high on the list of unforgivable behaviour whether your marriage was over or not. Youll have to adjust tho. Wish you well.

ElderflowerWaterIsDelish · 10/07/2018 09:27

We're they having an affair when you were married?

Are you separated or divorced from ex husband?

If they have got together while you and your ex husband are not together then both are free agents and are free to date who they want to, it's not ideal that he has got into a relationship with your friend but technically they haven't done anything wrong, once you and he ended the marriage he can date who he likes...

If you make this into a big thing then you are going to come.off as petty and jealous,

Smile, wish them well if you see them and congratulate them about the baby, that is after all your kids half sibling, and if she marries him she will be tour kids step mother, so it's best to keep things civil for the kids sake and not cause a drama where there doesn't need to be a drama

ElderflowerWaterIsDelish · 10/07/2018 09:28

*your

Butterymuffin · 10/07/2018 09:30

Sorry but that's trashy behaviour on both their parts IMO. You probably are going to have to suck it up, stay tight lipped and be the better person for the sake of reassuring your kids, but I totally understand why you're angry and think you have every right to be.

Mummyoflittledragon · 10/07/2018 09:30

Oh dear. What a horrid pair. It reads like your best friend got with him while you were together. But even if not ex husbands and fathers if our children are off limits for best friends. I’d want to rip their heads off. You are going to have to put the anger aside and tell your children. Does his father want them to meet the baby?

Juells · 10/07/2018 09:30

If you make this into a big thing then you are going to come.off as petty and jealous

You should put a Welcome sign on your back as well, and lie down on the floor.

Nicknacky · 10/07/2018 09:31

Did he not believe the baby was his if he had to get a dna test?

CrabappleBiscuit · 10/07/2018 09:36

I’m confused about the DnA....

DarkDarkNight · 10/07/2018 09:36

How your kids take it will be determined by how you present it Agree with this.

It’s perfectly normal to feel angry, hurt and betrayed. Wait to tell the kids until you can do it without emotion.

DontDribbleOnTheCarpet · 10/07/2018 09:37

Let him deal with how to tell the kids. He is the common factor here and the baby is nothing to do with you, so let him deal with it. In the meantime you can practise your cheerful reaction to being told all about it by your children.

DontDribbleOnTheCarpet · 10/07/2018 09:41

I meant to say, if you jump in and tell the children then you will probably be accused of interfering and being bitter, trying to turn the children against him etc.
You probably should let him know that you know (if it wasn't him who told you) and say that you think he should tell your children, but the actual telling needs to come from him because he is the one who needs to answer their questions.

BobbleHat102 · 10/07/2018 09:52

Jeez. So sorry to hear that, what a pair of c**ts!! Who does that?!?

BlueBug45 · 10/07/2018 09:58

OP there is a lot of information missing from your post. If the woman is your best friend why didn't you know she gave birth to a baby regardless of who the father is? Clearly she isn't your best friend and you stopped having any friendly relationship years ago.

Just let your ex crack on with telling them and say nothing as that is your DCs half-sibling, which is why you say nothing to them.

Tjzmummabear · 10/07/2018 10:32

She wasn't a friend and you're so much better without either of them.

DayManChampionOfTheSun · 10/07/2018 10:45

You haven't seen her for a couple of years so are we to assume they were together after you separated?

ravenmum · 10/07/2018 10:50

So if you haven't seen her for a couple of years, is that when you split up from your exh after finding out about their affair?

And a year and a half later they had the baby, so it was conceived after you'd split up?

Your friend was a cow to have an affair with your husband; he was equally shit to have one with your friend. But once you'd split up they could do what they wanted.

It's crap when an ex seems happy with his OW, that's for sure, and crapper when it's an ex friend. But they now have their own lives. Your children will probably be happy to have a new half-sibling; at that age they are too young to know any different.

OhLookHeKickedTheBall · 10/07/2018 11:44

IIRTC I assume you split because of the affair, and he's now dumped the OW and baby given the need for a DNA test. So he's been a double shit?

Confused2090 · 15/07/2018 23:35

They were an item as soon as we separated and they had been f**king behind my back and I just didn't want to believe it!! They split. She was jumping on what ever moved. He doesn't want anything to do with the baby. But my kids need to be told reguardless! Just want to tear their heads off! Even tho been separated for 3 years! I don't want my kids to get hurt in the process of all this crap they have created!

BunnyCarr · 15/07/2018 23:40

They both deserve each other.

agnurse · 16/07/2018 01:45

You do not need to do anything, really. Your children's father needs to step up to the plate, tell the kids what happened, and arrange for them to see their new sibling.