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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not really want DD getting drunk at home?

52 replies

freddynamechange2 · 10/07/2018 04:39

DD (19) has started getting into alcohol. Never really enjoys going out with friends into town/to their house and prefer buying it and drinking it at home. She has done it for 3 weekends straight now. Spending almost £40 each time. I'm not keen on encouraging the spending. Also, on 2 of the weekends I've had to tell her to get in from the garden as she was laughing too loud. I don't have an issue with her drinking, but honestly, I think I'd be much more okay with it if she was out with friends. Any opinions would be nice, thanks.

OP posts:

longwayoff · 10/07/2018 05:06

You dont have an issue with her drinking? Why not? The money is the least of it. Solo drinking like this is very unhealthy.

Original poster

freddynamechange2 · 10/07/2018 05:08

I don't mean I'm fine with her drinking, per se, but that's why I clearly said I'd rather she was out with friends. I'm okay in the sense that she's 19 and I know most do drink, so for her to have only touched alcohol in the past 3 weeks seems moderately okay.

OP posts:

BellaMaroni · 10/07/2018 05:13

I had a very unhealthy relationship with alcohol for 20 years which started in the same way. The impact it had on my mental health was horrendous, and I can only see that now I've gone sober.

Please do everything you can to educate her on the serious impact alcohol can have financially, mentally and physically.

Mummyoflittledragon · 10/07/2018 05:32

£40 a week on booze to drink alone? This sounds very unhealthy. If she doesn’t have mental health issues she may do soon. Can you talk to her?

JustJoinedRightNow · 10/07/2018 05:34

Can you start by joining her for a drink and a nice chat one evening?

Amanduh · 10/07/2018 06:04

What the hell is she drinking herself for £40 per 1-2 nights?

DayManChampionOfTheSun · 10/07/2018 06:26

Is she drinking alone or does she have mates over?

Original poster

freddynamechange2 · 10/07/2018 06:40

She usually buys a bottle of expensive vodka and some rum, usually does cocktails, so fruit juices is within that price. Definitely does seem a lot.

She drinks alone, no mates over. It does seem unhealthy to be alone, but she's always been antisocial. She moans that it's not fair to "think she's odd just because it's not with friends" so I'm doing my best to not give her the impression I think that.

OP posts:

Nonyabizzness · 10/07/2018 06:49

Wow you do not think that your daughter might be developing a problem or that there is a problem for a 19 year old to drink a bottle of rum and vodka all on her own at home. Wow!

Yes kids experiment with drinking, but I really think you need to see what you wrote from other posters stand point. Do you drink excessively at home whereby you do not find anything wrong with what she is doing and the amount she is drinking at one time? Did she grow up with excessive drinking at home?

putonyourdancingshoes · 10/07/2018 06:49

What about you suggest a girly night out just the two of you? Go into town and have some cocktails. That way you're there and she gets to have the experience of actually going out. Then maybe she might be more inclined to do that.

LoniceraJaponica · 10/07/2018 06:52

She sounds lonely

AjasLipstick · 10/07/2018 06:52

What was she laughing at alone in the garden OP? I don't think YABU at all! I'd be concerned for her mental health.

FusionChefGeoff · 10/07/2018 07:34

Definitely worrying.

This is shouting 'drinking to change the way I feel' which at such an early age is a red flag.

I'm a recovering alcoholic and this would frighten me in my own children.

It's very likely there's something fundamentally making her unhappy so if you have any funds to explore private counselling that could be a timely intervention.

Typhers · 10/07/2018 07:40

I’d ask if she’s lonely, but this is safer than going out and getting trashed in the city like most youngsters. Is she social generally or a bit if an introvert?

Hillstreamloach · 10/07/2018 07:43

Yes have a talk with her and tell her you are worried. A couple of glasses of wine or beer would be one thing, but she is drinking a lot.

jelliebelly · 10/07/2018 07:53

A 19 yr old drinking a bottle of vodka every weekend on her own is a problem - do not try to minimise this.

UmbrellaPlants · 10/07/2018 07:57

You say she’s only touched alcohol is the last three weeks but getting through £40 worth of vodka and rum (even with mixers included) doesn’t seem like an inexperienced drinker to me and would worry me she’d been hiding her drinking before now.

I don’t think you can stop her drinking (might force her to hide it then) but maybe try educating her about daily unit limits?

Is she getting very drunk?

Hannabee123 · 10/07/2018 07:59

Binge drinking is bad but I would be alot more concerned of she was doing it in the week too. If you say she's only doing it at weekends I would have a chat with her incase it does escalate

SavageBeauty73 · 10/07/2018 08:01

That's a lot of units on her own. It sounds a dangerous path (I'm divorced from an alcoholic). Can you encourage her to have a couple of fruity ciders instead?

5foot5 · 10/07/2018 08:07

My first reaction was that if she is going to get a bit drunk she is safer doing it at home. But that was when I assumed you meant someone having their first few drinks and getting tiddly quite easily.

However your DD is drinking a LOT. I like a drink at weekends as much as the next woman but these amounts are excessive. Also very worrying that she is doing it alone.

Does she have friends? If so what do they do at weekends?

Snowysky20009 · 10/07/2018 08:11

I would say it's a 'novelty' but that is a lot of alcohol for a weekend! Is everything else ok in her life? No other problems?

lifeisabeachsometimes · 10/07/2018 08:16

Your dd sounds lonely and isolated, and is drinking to fill the void. I would do is a book a Gp's appointment to get some support to stop this straight away. If you move swiftly she may avoid a dependency that could continue for her whole life.
Could you organise a weekend away just the two of you and have some fun? Go to the cinema, theatre, out walking, spa break. Talk to her, find out what her friends are doing, where she sees her life heading.

She is still young and if she has lost direction and friends that is a very dark place to be.

Aus84 · 10/07/2018 08:17

Oh my goodness OP, I initially thought you meant her friends were coming over and they were all drinking at your house. She's drinking alone!

I drank a bit when I was that age, but always with friends. I was not interested in touching alcohol when it was just me. Is there something else going on? Something she is trying to numb with the drinking?

Aus84 · 10/07/2018 08:19

And don't swap it out with 'fruity ciders' or have a drink with her like others have suggested, that's not going to fix the cause.

Lana1234 · 10/07/2018 08:27

I’d drink that amount between a couple of friends at that age. That’s a large amount every weekend for one person. I’d probably go with the above and suggest a nice weekend just the two of you with no drinking and try have a chat with her about it

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