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Original poster

To not really want DD getting drunk at home?

52 replies

freddynamechange2 · 10/07/2018 04:39

DD (19) has started getting into alcohol. Never really enjoys going out with friends into town/to their house and prefer buying it and drinking it at home. She has done it for 3 weekends straight now. Spending almost £40 each time. I'm not keen on encouraging the spending. Also, on 2 of the weekends I've had to tell her to get in from the garden as she was laughing too loud. I don't have an issue with her drinking, but honestly, I think I'd be much more okay with it if she was out with friends. Any opinions would be nice, thanks.

OP posts:
Hannabee123 · 10/07/2018 08:27

I agree with a previous poster maybe she's lonely and down?
I'd look at going away for the weekend with her (no alcohol) or just do things with her to encourage her to get out. Teach her that you can spend that money on alcohol in more constructive ways... £40 a weekend in a month could be a trip away somewhere nice!

ReanimatedSGB · 10/07/2018 08:37

It sounds very. much as though she is profoundly unhappy. I'm fond of a drink and I quite often have a couple of ciders at home, but an entire bottle of spirits, to herself? That would worry me if my kid was doing it.
Is the isolation a recent thing? That could indicate that something specific has happened to distress her. If she's always struggled to make friends, then (Look, I know everyone hates armchair diagnoses of ASD) possibly she has some kind of high-functioning autism, which is often not spotted early in girls, and needs some help with social skills.

Lobsterquadrille2 · 10/07/2018 08:38

Hi OP, I've been in AA for 10 years and I hate to say it but the situation you describe is very similar to some of the stories people have shared in meetings as to how they started. Obviously it doesn't have to mean that there's a serious problem but drinking alone is generally one of the signs. We say that alcohol wants us alone in a room, curtains drawn, drinking until unconscious and eventually dead. Sorry to sound brutal.

The positive aspect here is that your DD is drinking openly. It's much more common to hide bottles and drinking and to deny it. Drinking to excess is often an attempt to escape from thoughts or emotions that seem more than someone can deal with. It does temporarily lift the mood, as we all know, but it's also a depressant and a progressive illness (which I'm not saying your DD has) such that you need more and more just to feel "normal" rather than "drunk".

If it's contained to weekends then it could be worse. Just keep an eye on it for now.

9amTrain · 10/07/2018 08:42

Honestly this is massively worrying...

Undercoverbanana · 10/07/2018 08:45

What else does she do with her time/money?

She sounds bored and lonely.

Is there any distraction like sport or music? Anything social like a running club or choir?

FairiesAndChocolate · 10/07/2018 08:50

That's a ridiculous amount. I say this as a heavy teenage drinker. However it is best she does this at hime and not out as all kinds of awful things can happen to her if she drinks this amount out.

I agree with pp that this does not sound like an inexperienced drinker at all.

I suspect something has happened and maybe you need to get to the route of it. Sounds like a cry for help imo

BrexitWife · 10/07/2018 08:59

You have no issues with her getting drunk at home alone???
And no issue wuthher drinking more than a fully bottle of rum in a weekend??

Do you realise that someone who is binge drinking like this regularly is basically an alcoholic???

So yes she might be 19yo and an adult and therefore can do what she likes but are you happy to be complicit in her becoming an alcoholic?

RayRayBidet · 10/07/2018 09:11

Does she actually drink a whole bottle of vodka and a whole bottle of rum in a weekend? Amazed she is only laughing loudly, I would have thought she would be unconscious. Doesn't sound like she has only just taken up drinking.

BrutusMcDogface · 10/07/2018 09:19

Oh wow. What is she laughing at on her own?

I was going to say drinking at home with a few friends, fine and safe (as long as not in excess). But this is in excess, and she's on her own. I understand you don't want her to feel bad but she can't carry on doing this.

titchy · 10/07/2018 09:19

So she's on the verge of becoming an alcoholic. She has some pretty major issues (no one gets pissed on their own without having some major MH issues) and all you're bothered about is the cost.

Fuck me - way to minimise...

ChuffingNorah · 10/07/2018 09:24

Titchy I don't think anyone is minimising things here. The £40 issue is to to with the fact it gives an indication of the amount she is drinking.

Notquiteagandt · 10/07/2018 09:32

Somethings triggered this.

Has there been any change or breakdowns of friendships or boyfriends etc??

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 10/07/2018 09:35

I don’t believe this. If she’d drunk a bottle of vodka and a bottle of rum over 2 days she’d be dead surely. By a bottle of vodka and a bottle of rum and using the same two bottles to make cocktails for 3 weekends seems more likely to me. Even then it’s a lot of booze.

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 10/07/2018 09:39

What size bottle is she buying OP?

Notquiteagandt · 10/07/2018 09:43

@GhoulWithADragonTattoo

A standard 750ml bottle of rum was my standard bottle for a night at 18. Granted it was drinking with friends rather than alone. But id finish the bottle.

So I dont think its beyind relms of possibility.

specialsubject · 10/07/2018 09:45

this is a major drug binge, just that the drug is legal. she is using to get out of her head which means she is seriously sick and unhappy in her head.

she needs help quick, although I have no idea how you get her to accept that. I hope someone does.

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 10/07/2018 10:03

A 750ml bottle of rum is 30 units of alcohol. The NHS website says anything over 12 units of alcohol puts you at very high risk of alcohol poisoning. I don’t think you were finishing a whole bottle in on night. More like sharing it between friends. Here OP’s DD is apparently also drinking a bottle of vodka as well over nights. She’d be having her stomach pumped st hospital at those levels.

FairiesAndChocolate · 10/07/2018 10:09

Of coutse5its possible.to drink a whole bottle. Plenty of people do it. Thats quite a sheltered way to think tbh

Confusedbeetle · 10/07/2018 10:10

A classic description of these issues is written about very well in the book Eleanor Oliphant is completely fine. Clearly separates the drinking from the anguish. This girl sounds as though she has issues she cant express. The drinking is just the symptom

Aria2015 · 10/07/2018 10:20

Drinking on her own is the worry. I do it occasionally but I have a dh and lo so the chance to be alone is cause for celebration in itself lol. But for her just to sit in the garden and get drunk is a bit unusual. I can understand a couple of drinks in the sunshine but not £40 of booze. My worry is that she'll start thinking having a drink is the only way to occupy her time and that can be a dangerous road. Generally half the fun of booze is letting loose with friends she's only done it for three weeks so not a pattern at this stage but things can escalate pretty quick. It's fine to enjoy her own company and not having a social life isn't a crime but associating alcohol with winding down alone has got lots of people into a real mess as they soon find they can't be without it. Is she down about anything? Could she be filling a bit of an emotional hole? I wouldn't focus on the money, more the reason why she feels the need to do this and see if you can get to bottom of it.

flissfloss65 · 10/07/2018 10:30

She sounds like she wants to be enjoying nights out with friends. As she can’t she’s decided to enjoy the drinking aspect at home alone.

This would really worry me and I would intervene. Can you talk about it with her? Or spend time going out with her at the weekend? Hopefully with early intervention she will stop.

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 10/07/2018 10:44

A bottle on Fri and another bottle on Saturday 3 weekends in a row for a female novice drinker. I don’t believe it.

Stroller15 · 10/07/2018 12:06

What was she laughing at OP?

SpongeAndBubbles · 10/07/2018 12:20

This is definitely unhealthy but I'm glad she's choosing to drink at home ATM instead of go out as being in town + getting plastered is a recipe for disaster as my best friend has proven(many times.... Blush )

I would definitely try having a talk with her about it, there's nothing wrong g with drinking I love my cocktails but there's a difference between enjoying a few and just getting hammered for the sake of it x

baxterboi · 10/07/2018 12:24

A 750ml bottle of rum is 30 units of alcohol. The NHS website says anything over 12 units of alcohol puts you at very high risk of alcohol poisoning.

I know this situation is different in that she is doing at home but really 18+ year olds in every town centre across the UK is putting away a hell of a lot more than 12 units on a weekend night. Some lads I went to Uni with once had a competition of units drank in 1 month and the "winner" had drunk over 1000 units in 28 days.

OP as others have said try talking to her. Sounds like something else might be going on.

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