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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to wonder why she didn't spend any time with me?

48 replies

MrsMuddlePluck · 09/07/2018 22:36

Went to outdoor concert at the weekend. DH and I arrived at 7pm [partly due to having to do a plumbing job that took 2 days instead of a couple of hours, so we had no water until late in the day]. BF and her DH went several hours earlier and were annoyed with us that we couldn't go earlier too. We were all looking forward to the concert and we had not planned for the plumbing job to take so long - something we really could not have predicted.

We rendezvouz'd when we got there. DH's both went off to get booze for all of us and food for my DH and me. Once we had sat down on the grass to eat, she p'd off and I hardly saw her all night. She was happily chatting to people she had just met at the venue! When I tried to get her to come and dance with me, or to sit down next to her she waved me away, like a naughty schoolgirl.

Add to this that DH decided he wanted to go home halfway through the set, just as I was getting 'warmed up' and dancing to the music! So we ended up leaving v early. She texted me to ask where we were as the concert was still going on. Then she followed up later with a couple of texts saying that they stayed til the end as the 'artist' was their priority and worth the wait to get out of the car park.

I'm furious and feel very let down - at DH because decided to leave just as things were getting going and spoiled my night; BF because having moaned that she was looking forward to spending time with us, then completely ignored us all night.

Who's being unreasonable here?

OP posts:

BackforGood · 09/07/2018 22:59

Your dh
Who goes to an all day concert / festival, several hours late and then leaves early ?
I don't think you can blame friend for mingling with other people as you weren't there.
I'm not sure if I've missed something, but don't undersatnd why your dh wanted to leave so early ?

Mrsharrison · 09/07/2018 23:08

Your dh sounds like a control freak. Maybe she's had enough of him.

Leeds2 · 09/07/2018 23:13

Your DH sounds very unreasonable. I would probably not have left with him, if that was feasible.
I also don't think your friend was being unreasonable for being cross that you arrived late. Yes, your plumbing problem was unavoidable but to her, it probably sounded like a bit off a cop out.

CrackerCrisp · 09/07/2018 23:24

Your DH. Why did he leave early? What was the point in going? Why did you have to leave with him?

Imchlibob · 09/07/2018 23:32

Your dh is a knob-end and deliberately spoiled the event both by prioritising this plumbing and then making you leave early.

He should have left alone. Why did you agree to go with him if you were enjoying yourself. Is he an emotionally abusive and coercive control freak?

LadyDeadpool · 09/07/2018 23:37

Your dh is a knob-end and deliberately spoiled the event both by prioritising this plumbing and then making you leave early.

I can't see anywhere in the OP where her DH prioritised the plumbing?
I don't think he forced her to leave either. So hardly emotionally abusive, by using the term on something like this you trivialize real emotional abuse.

OP I don't think anyone was really unreasonable, you could have stayed and got a lift with your BF, your BF wasn't unreasonable to not want to sit down with you when she was having conversations with other people either.

Sammyham88 · 09/07/2018 23:48

YABU and your DH sounds like a dick.

You'd planned this with your friends and she was obviously excited about it, was the plumbing job really that important that it couldn't have waited? You turned up several hours after her and then expected her to ditch people she'd made friends with when you finally did turn up.

Why did your DH even go if he's going to leave half way through the set? Why couldn't you stay on your own? Also sounds like you didn't even text to let her know you were leaving early either..

I'd send her a text apologising that it didn't go as planned and that your DH is a miserable arse.

BoomBoomsCousin · 09/07/2018 23:57

What's with the quote marks around "artist" in your OP? The way you write it comes across, to me, as you being snide about the fact she was interested in the people you'd bought tickets to go and see. So maybe you all just had different expectations of the night and with the plumbing issues everyone came out a bit disappointed. You and your DH were the ones who managed to not enjoy yourselves, though.

SlothSlothSloth · 10/07/2018 00:04

She was probably annoyed at you for being boring! I know it won’t feel like that from your side and I’m not saying you are, but that’s how it would look to me. Prioritising plumbing over a fun event you had planned and then leaving very early... it would annoy me tbh.

Still, she would ideally have just talked to you about her feelings rather than be rude.

Pressuredrip · 10/07/2018 00:06

Why would having no water until late in the day make you get there so late? What was the reason your dp gave for wanting to leave? Why did you leave with him? Who paid for the tickets?

PinkBalloonsAndCherryCoke · 10/07/2018 00:07

I think your friend was really rude and childish by a)ignoring you and b) waving you away when you tried to chat to her.

bakedlikeabun · 10/07/2018 00:12

Do you have form for this, that would annoy your friend? Does your dh often demand to leave events early?
I'm assuming the plumbing was a diy job from the way you phrase it, so you could have stopped sooner and gone to the gig.

incywincybitofa · 10/07/2018 00:12

Your friend was rude as for your DH, was he tired, maybe her DH said something upsetting to your DH? Or maybe he was fed up hanging out with a 15 year old wanna be which is how your friend comes across

bakedlikeabun · 10/07/2018 00:23

I don't get that feeling at all. If I was looking forward to a gig with my mate and she arrived late and left early, I wouldnt think that it would be my behaviour that would be criticised, but here!
You kept friends hanging about for several hours and then got the hump whenever the found others to talk to.

bakedlikeabun · 10/07/2018 00:23

Sorry for typos iPad going crazy

KC225 · 10/07/2018 00:24

Why didn't you go with them if you knew the plumbing job was going to take longer.

BlancheM · 10/07/2018 00:24

Your friend was enjoying herself and getting in the spirit which is the way these things normally go, whereas you rocked up hours late, left early and weren't as into the gig (which is annoying to other people who do get something out of it).

Arum51 · 10/07/2018 00:31

You didn't even tell her you were leaving, you just bogged off? So you arrive hours late, try to pry her away from people she was socialising with, then dump her without comment?

You're being unreasonable.

PinkBalloonsAndCherryCoke · 10/07/2018 00:33

Arum each time the OP tried to talk to her friend the friend waved her away, so I think it's understandable that OP went without saying goodbye as the friend clearly didn't want to speak to her.

BitOutOfPractice · 10/07/2018 00:34

So you expected her right sit there waiting till you deigned to turn up, speaking to nobody but you. Then you leave early without saying goodbye. Yet you're pissed off with her? Ok!!

YABU

TragicallyUnbeyachted · 10/07/2018 00:56

You arrived late, hours after you'd agreed to meet her, so she got chatting to other people at the concert. Then she didn't immediately drop them in favour of you when you eventually turned up. Then you left early, hours before she'd been expecting you to leave, so you weren't around when she tried to catch up with you.

And you're angry with her?

Your DH, on the other hand, was BU unless he was genuinely feeling ill or had a headache coming on or something.

wombat1a · 10/07/2018 01:03

Blimey, your poor DH, a job that was started a day beofre and should have taken just a couple of hours turns into a major thing (good for him for getting it started the day before the event). Imagine if he had started it on the same day. Then after spending two days on something you drag him to an outdoor event when it's extremely hot rather than just go yourself.

I feel sorry for your DH, you could have arranged to go with your friend and come back with them but instead you drag that poor bloke out when he's probably knackered.

Original poster

MrsMuddlePluck · 10/07/2018 08:12

Seems like a lot of re-explaining to do. Here goes:

It wasn't an all day thing. It was an evening outdoor concert. We had never said we would go earlier than 7pm. It was BF who decided she wanted to go earlier (car park opened at 5pm) as the weather was good, but we knew we couldn't as we have kids who do stuff during the day which we organise / taxi for anyway plus the sodding plumbing job which didn't go to plan.

The plumbing job took longer as diy and all the fixtures have changed over the 18 years we have had the kitchen, so DH had to keep going back to the store for different tools.

Concert itself didn't start until 7.30 so we were there by then. Arrived at 6.45.

DH had found out that concert at same venue 2 days previous (different artist) had 1.5hour queues to get out, which would have driven him mad. He has ADD although I'm never sure how much of that is an excuse not a reason iykwim?

The singer we went to see came on at 2030 and finished at 2230, hence my frustration at missing half of it.

OP posts:

Original poster

MrsMuddlePluck · 10/07/2018 08:18

In addition, she has 2 children at uni, I still have a school age child with commitments at weekends as child is an athlete, so she is free to do as she pleases.

OP posts:

anotherangel2 · 10/07/2018 08:23

You are being unreasonable. Why did you have to leave early with your DH? Could you not have left later by yourself.

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