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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to wonder why she didn't spend any time with me?

48 replies

MrsMuddlePluck · 09/07/2018 22:36

Went to outdoor concert at the weekend. DH and I arrived at 7pm [partly due to having to do a plumbing job that took 2 days instead of a couple of hours, so we had no water until late in the day]. BF and her DH went several hours earlier and were annoyed with us that we couldn't go earlier too. We were all looking forward to the concert and we had not planned for the plumbing job to take so long - something we really could not have predicted.

We rendezvouz'd when we got there. DH's both went off to get booze for all of us and food for my DH and me. Once we had sat down on the grass to eat, she p'd off and I hardly saw her all night. She was happily chatting to people she had just met at the venue! When I tried to get her to come and dance with me, or to sit down next to her she waved me away, like a naughty schoolgirl.

Add to this that DH decided he wanted to go home halfway through the set, just as I was getting 'warmed up' and dancing to the music! So we ended up leaving v early. She texted me to ask where we were as the concert was still going on. Then she followed up later with a couple of texts saying that they stayed til the end as the 'artist' was their priority and worth the wait to get out of the car park.

I'm furious and feel very let down - at DH because decided to leave just as things were getting going and spoiled my night; BF because having moaned that she was looking forward to spending time with us, then completely ignored us all night.

Who's being unreasonable here?

OP posts:

SlothSlothSloth · 10/07/2018 11:52

OP your post clarifies things a bit but I think the problem is really your DH. He is obviously not suited to going to events like this, for whatever reason, so next time it would probably be fairer on him, you and the BF if you don’t bring him.

LagunaBubbles · 10/07/2018 12:06

But that still doesn't explain why your DH wanted to leave early?

FuckPants · 10/07/2018 12:09

But that still doesn't explain why your DH wanted to leave early? confused

Yes it does

InfiniteSheldon · 10/07/2018 12:16

You have a DH problem not a df problem

FASH84 · 10/07/2018 12:16

Your DH wanted to leave an hour early to avoid car park queues? That's ridiculous, ten minutes to get ahead of the crowd, maybe

SmileSweetly · 10/07/2018 12:17

YABU

You didn't really didn't give the impression you wanted to be there did you? Arriving late and leaving early.

Your priorities that night was obviously not enjoying time with your BF. I think it's safe to say she won't be asking you to any more concerts any time soon.

Your DH was unreasonable and controlling wanting to leave early.

I have a friend who is always cutting visits short, arriving late and cancelling plans, her excuses are always her life is so busy, the kids are demanding, they're having building work done or if none of those apply she resorts the blaming illness (either her or her DC) to get out of arrangements. I've given up on her.

adaline · 10/07/2018 12:21

Why did you have to leave with him?

I'd be really pissed off if I arranged to meet a friend at a concert and they fucked off halfway through to "avoid the queues".

Mrsharrison · 10/07/2018 12:22

I think your friend was on a different level and had warmed up with a few drinks by the time you arrived. She was rude to wave you away but maybe that was down to alcohol.
I agree that this kind of event isn't suitable for your dp. I don't like the parking thing either and would have found another way of getting there rather than leave early.

LagunaBubbles · 10/07/2018 12:24

No it doesn't Fuck pants. 1 and a half hour queues or not if I had paid money to see an artist I would be staying to watch that artist. To leave early and miss said artist makes the whe event pointless.

Boulshired · 10/07/2018 12:38

The build up is usually the only time at a concert that you get to catch up and socialise as once the music begins it lots of swaying. You being so busy is not really her problem, she wanted to enjoy the event in its full form including build up, whereas this was not the same for you.

diddl · 10/07/2018 12:44

It does seem odd that she didn't seem to spend much time with you when you arrived but I'm guessing that she was "warmed up" & you weren't?

Did you have to leave with your husband?

spanishwife · 10/07/2018 12:44

You and your DH, she moaned that she was looking forward to spending time with us and then you turn up late (she was probs waiting for hours to see you) and then couldn't be arsed when you did finally turn up. I don't blame her.

Original poster

MrsMuddlePluck · 11/07/2018 22:26

Did anyone read my second post? I think I forgot to mention that she had a 2-seater car so I could not have stayed and got a lift home with her.

It was an EVENING concert. We had never said we'd be able to go early as we have commitments during the day.

DH will not sit in queues for any reason so my wanting to stay would not have made any sense to him and as he has ADHD, I could not explain why it was important to me.

When we did get there (with plenty of time before the support act came on), do you not think there might be some leeway e.g. "well now you're here we can enjoy the concert" kind of thing? Seems very unfeeling to me. I also tried to encourage her to come and join me + I also went to sit with her a couple of times but she waved me away. That f's me right off. I was there in time (just not 2 hours early when there was nothing happening anyway).

The whole night was ruined by an obsessive DH who would not listen + a selfish BF who had no sympathy and ignored me for the 2.5 hours we were actually there.

I'd been looking forward to it too you know?

OP posts:

Original poster

MrsMuddlePluck · 11/07/2018 22:33

As for her being warmed up - she doesn't drink and there hadn't been any music until well after wed arrived so plenty of time for us to chat + catchup prior to the support act. It's not as if we don't see each other regularly. We don't need much time to catch up?

OP posts:

Bramble71 · 11/07/2018 22:37

It does seem rude of your friend to give you the brush off. Have you asked her about it? Seems odd to me to sit around at a venue when nothing is happening!

As for your hubby...next time maybe go by public transport or taxi? Or leave him at home?

CookPassBabtridge · 11/07/2018 22:41

Yes they both behaved like dicks. It's shit when people ruin something you've been looking forward to.

RhubarbRhubarbRhubarbRhubarb · 11/07/2018 22:42

I get where you’re coming from op. If someone really loves a friend and loves there company it usually doesn’t matter that much if they can’t arrive early or leave late, if there’s a good enough reason. I have known people to turn up a bit late, with a good reason, and everyone’s just thrilled to see them. There must be something else to this imo.

RhubarbRhubarbRhubarbRhubarb · 11/07/2018 22:42

*their

Honeyroar · 11/07/2018 22:44

She sounds like she was pissed off/sulking because you couldn't go earlier. Your OH sounds like a total killjoy. I once went to a Bon Jovi concert with friends that made us leave 20 mins before the end. I remember walking back to the car listening to the crowd singing along, totally gutted, but they had driven.

Why don't you just ask her if you'd upset her? See what she says?

LunaTrap · 11/07/2018 22:45

Is it possible that your friend didn't want to hang out with your DH? I wouldn't either tbh.

SlothSlothSloth · 11/07/2018 22:45

STOP BRINGING YOUR DH TO EVENTS LIKE THIS! Why would you even have thought it would work, with all you say about him? If he literally cannot understand why you would want to watch a concert you came to watch, he’s on a totally different page tbh. That’s fine, doesn’t mean he’s awful or anything - just means this kind of event is not for him!

Your friend was rude to wave you away, yes. Especially since, as you’ve now clarified, you weren’t properly late. I think you are both within your rights to be very slightly annoyed at each other, so as you’re on equal ground it should be easy enough to move on.

OwlinaTree · 11/07/2018 22:49

So you bought tickets for a concert and only stayed for half the act because of the possibility of traffic on the way out?

Next time go for a drink after the gig and wait for it to die down or get a taxi. Waste of money otherwise.

Original poster

MrsMuddlePluck · 11/07/2018 23:02

It's the first time DH or I have been to a concert like this. BF goes to festivals all the time with her 2 DDs. My DSs wouldn't be seen dead with their Mum at a festival.

OP posts:

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