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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

...to not hand over pocket money to my dd's to buy MORE sweets?

57 replies

emsiewill · 27/05/2007 16:20

The dd's are having a "sleepover" tonight (as dd1's friends couldn't make it).

I have agreed that they can have a Twix and a bag of Haribo (yuk) sweets (have already bought them) for their midnight feast. That is to share - not one each.

I don't like them eating too many sweets and chocolates, the rule is supposed to be one item a week, although the reality is quite far from that.

For example, this week they had a bar of choc on Friday night, a bar of choc last night, and a bag of crisps with lunch today (don't normally have crisps in the house). So in reality they actually have more than I would like.

Dd1 (who is sitting here with me awaiting your replies) thinks I should give her and dd2 £2 each of their pocket money to go and spend on more sweets "because it's our money". I think what they already have is enough.

Bear in mind that this is 1/2 term week, and therefore they are likely to end up having more "treats" during the week, especially as their cousins are coming to stay.

So would you give them the money? Their argument is it's their money, they should choose, my argument is that they should save their money, and not waste it when they already have some food for their midnight feast...

OP posts:

katybird · 27/05/2007 16:29

How old are your dds? I wouldn't cave in, they've already had more than the house rules this week and they've got more sweets to look forward to tonight. I know it seems harsh as it's their pocket money (do they earn it or is it just money you give them?) but at the end of the day you're the parent, and you're making the rule for the good of their health. Sorry girls!

Dogsby · 27/05/2007 16:30

love haribo

GrandMasterHumphreyLyttelton · 27/05/2007 16:30

I think it's fine as long as they are prepared to spend a great deal of their future pocket money at the dentist.
Fillings start at about £20, girls. It's your money.

(not a scary pic, btw)

Dogsby · 27/05/2007 16:30

i think speical occasion and it IS ehr money so dont be so mean

Original poster

emsiewill · 27/05/2007 16:38

They are 7 and 10. They feel that they are really badly done to when it comes to sweets and chocolate - all their friends seem to have cupboards full of the stuff in their houses - we don't even have such a thing as a digestive biscuit...

They sort of earn their pocket money, no real defined tasks as such - dd1 is borderline OCD and keeps tallies of everything everyone does, which means we have to be 100% 'fair' or risk hours of moaning. So we tend to just get them to do stuff as and when.

OP posts:

policywonk · 27/05/2007 16:39

Not there yet (sons are too young) so feel free to disregard me, but isn't pocket money partly about teaching the kids the harsh reality of cash? ie, if you spend it on swets now, it won't be there next week for half-term treats. If you're retaining control over how the money is spent, they won't learn that lesson so quickly.

Dogsby · 27/05/2007 16:39

let em

do aversion therapy

Original poster

emsiewill · 27/05/2007 16:39

And when they eat things like Haribo, I can practically hear their teeth melting.

OP posts:

Dogsby · 27/05/2007 16:40

oh fgs you are overreacting

WelshBoris · 27/05/2007 16:41

I am a militant breastfeeding food police nazi

but I love Haribo.

Let 'em have the money.

NuttyMuffins · 27/05/2007 16:43

Mine aren't allowed to spend pocket money on sweets, end of.

Original poster

emsiewill · 27/05/2007 16:43

True policywonk, but when they go on their holiday in a couple of months, and have spent all their pocket money, I will have to sub them the cash, which also defeats the object. I feel if I just give them the cash, then that's just teaching them about instant gratfication (and as I am not v good at willpower myself, want to try and lead them down a different path)

To be honest, it's more about the sweets than the money I think. And I do let them have them more often than I like, as I don't want to make them into "forbidden fruit". But a twix and a bag of haribos late at night - surely that's enough for anyone? It's not even a "real" sleepover...

OP posts:

Original poster

emsiewill · 27/05/2007 16:44

Don't think I am overreacting actually...

OP posts:

Dogsby · 27/05/2007 16:45

ok you decide then
i am apst caring.

policywonk · 27/05/2007 16:46

Why sub them? If they've spent it, they've spent it.

Fair enough, if the sugar thing is very important to you, then you're entitled to make a ruling about it.

I also think it's very brave of you to be sitting their with your DD reading these replies in the full knowledge that the MN jury might rule against you! (Hello, DD!)

Original poster

emsiewill · 27/05/2007 16:46

Dd1 is so good at going on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on....(you get the picture), I start to question myself.

I think I will stand firm though. In fact I'd already decided that, just wondered what others would do.

OP posts:

somersetmum · 27/05/2007 16:47

Well, my ds went off to cub camp on Friday with one large bag of Wine Gums safely packed in his rucksack. He was the only one that did not get into the minibus laden down with sweets, popcorn and fizzy drinks. I feel guilty now. I thought I was sending him off with treats (I would like to add that he also had cash to spend in the Tuck Shop), but I didn't bank on all the other mums going totally over the top. He probably thinks I'm a scrooge now
So, based on this, I would let them.

Dogsby · 27/05/2007 16:47

id let my duaghter spend HER moeny on what she wants and take the consequences

NuttyMuffins · 27/05/2007 16:47

They already have some sweets though, so spending pocket money on more is just silly IMO.

Original poster

emsiewill · 27/05/2007 16:48

I would have to sub them, they are going on a PGL holiday - couldn't send them penniless.

I already told dd that I had made my mind up and MN would not be deciding for us, just giving us an idea of other mum's opinions...

OP posts:

Dogsby · 27/05/2007 16:48

but you decidedin gbaout pocket money totall goes agianst the whoel idea of pocket money

foxinsocks · 27/05/2007 16:49

at 7 and 10 I reckon you've got to let them make their minds up

I think it's a bit late to make a rule that they can't have sweets if they've had them in the past.

And if you don't have many treats at home, I can't see the harm.

Oblomov · 27/05/2007 16:49

What is pocket money for, if not for buying sweets ?
I like the idea of them earning it - that is good - tasks and chores. But then, they must be able to choose what they spend it on- saving up for a game, present, or spending it all on sweets.
If they are old enough to earn it, they are old and responsible enough to chose how to spend it.
Besides it is a sleep over and it is half term. Come on.

Original poster

emsiewill · 27/05/2007 16:50

Yes, we have friends turning up here for sleepovers with absolutely tons of sweets - I never even think to send sweets or money with mine.

Took dd2's friend to the cinema the other day, and the mother gave them a massive bag of marshmallows to eat. I normally let them have 7 of the pick & mix sweets (and that's only cos we get them with a 40% discount - otherwise it would be a packet of starburst).

I just don't think there's any need for it.

OP posts:

Dogsby · 27/05/2007 16:51

you are giving this far too much consideration
poor girls let htem have some

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