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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Another Noisy Neighbours thread; would I be heartless if I complained?

42 replies

AdultHumanFemale · 09/07/2018 18:27

I just can't tell if I'm BU. Maybe more of a 'What Would You Do?' kind of dilemma. I feel like I am going to be unreasonable whatever I do.
Last year, a new family moved into the house next door but one to my mum's. It is a mixed estate, my mum owns her house and the new family are council tenants.
They're really difficult to live near (my house is just a stones throw away on the other side of the road). The family consists of a mum, several teens, two pre-school aged children and two dogs. There is a dad around occasionally. Nobody works or goes to school, so they're in all day, every day.
They are so noisy, and it's driving their immediate neighbours potty. In this heat, with windows open, our whole end of the street can hear them. Whether indoors, in the garden or hanging around outside their house, the shouting, swearing and arguing, seemingly between all members of the family is incessant.
They have a weekly dog poo and household waste bonfire in the garden, which really stinks, and one dog in particular escapes all the time, wreaking havoc in neighbouring gardens.
Add to that lots of vehicles and motorbikes gathering on the pavement, verge and sometimes even obstructing the road on evenings and weekends.
My mum is so miserable about it, she doesn't want to be in the garden or have the windows open. She says she wants to move to get away from it.
My problem is that I could just go and talk to them, were it not for the for the fact that I am too chicken as they are quite fighty, and police have been around, once for a big brawl out in the street, but also because I hate the idea of a woman who is as good as on her own in difficult circumstances, and gets treated like shit by her partner, feeling even more stressed harassed, especially as she has two really young children. Their next door neighbour, who is trying to keep relations civil, was told by the mum that they were relocated from their previous house because of complaints from neighbours, and that she is so relieved that nobody here has complained. But it is just that everyone is too scared.
Has anyone got any experience of addressing a problem like this and for there to be a constructive, win-win resolution? WIBU to complain, either directly to her or the council? l feel that, by comparison, we are all really lucky to live where we do, and that we should have a bit of a "There but for the grace..." attitude to this family, but I also feel awful for my mum and the other immediate neighbours, all of whom are pensioners who are too scared to make a fuss.

OP posts:
NC4Now · 09/07/2018 18:30

I think I’d want to say something, but it’s hard. Maybe a word with the council is the way to go.

pigsDOfly · 09/07/2018 18:36

Just because someone's circumstances are difficult it doesn't give them a free ride to make everyone around them miserable because of their bad behaviour.

If you don't want to speak to them directly, I agree with SC4Now, talk to the council.

I've lived next door to noisy neighbours and it wears you down.

KarmaStar · 09/07/2018 18:36

I feel for you op.
Be very careful about going to speak to them.
I say this because of they get visits,now or in the future,from environmental health,or the police etc,they are immediately going to think,rightly or wrongly,that you have rung up to complain as you'd been round once,and will forever be their go to person to throw blame at.
Speak to your environmental health at your local council office first.
Your poor mum,how horrible to have this all day every dayFlowers

KarmaStar · 09/07/2018 18:37

If not of sorry

Racecardriver · 09/07/2018 18:39

Just complain. If they have been previously relocated due to bad behaviour then all the more reason to expect them to behave dece tly this time.

Cornettoninja · 09/07/2018 18:41

I think karmastar is very wise with her words. Keep as much distance as you can if they intimidate you and report through the available channels.

I know it can feel two faced but some people are too defensive to communicate effectively with and frankly they will know enough about society to know their behaviour isn’t acceptabke

GreenEyedBlonde · 09/07/2018 18:45

Absolute cunts. I fucking hate humans like this who force their vile lifestyles on the rest of us Angry

Sammyham88 · 09/07/2018 18:49

Probably wouldn't go round on your own tbh, from what you've said they hardly seem like the type of people to see reason or to take any notice when they've already been relocated once, if they're disturbing your entire street then they've probably already (or soon will be) reported to the council by one of your other neighbours and worry if you had gone round to raise the issues that they'll focus on you when the complaints start coming in.

They clearly don't care about anyone else but themselves so if I were you I'd start a diary and as much evidence as you can gather every time they stop you from having quite enjoyment of you property, get your mum to do the same and any other neighbours who you can trust and are also fed up with and all individually report them to your local council.

Why do they get to make an entire street feel intimidated and miserable? They've had one chance already and don't deserve a second

HyacinthsBucket70 · 09/07/2018 18:55

My mum had this - lived next door to a family renting (private landlord). They were Eastern European and the children were at school - but they came home and had a sleep every afternoon so were then bouncing off the walls until midnight. They had a trampoline in the back garden that involved shouting and looking into mums garden, and the parents smoked constantly (weed) in the back garden - plus there were at least 8 people living there in a 2 bed house. Add in the cars, door slamming when they were on early shifts at the local factory - my mum was put onto antidepressants by her GP and was climbing the walls. She could never have a door or window open. The LL didn't give a shit as they were paying the rent, so she had to go down a very long protracted road of going through EH. But she hung in on there, and one weekend recorded the sound at 1am..... so eventually they were given their notice.

Expecting everyone else to put up with your noise is the worst behaviour from any neighbour. Go through official channels and don't let up with it. And get other neighbours on board too. The council/HA will soon deal with it if lots of others join in.

brummiesue · 09/07/2018 19:00

Letting this continue just because you feel sorry for the wife is ridiculous! Shes part of causing the noise and chaos. Dont go round in person as - like someone else said - when an official complaint goes in they will know its you. Keep a noise diary for a week or 2 with video evidence then present it to the noise complaint team at the council. Encourage their direct neighbours to do so aswell. The council are probably already expecting thisWink

Cheerbear23 · 09/07/2018 19:01

Just complain to the council it sounds like they are making everyone’s a misery. A dog poo bonfire is vile too.

BarbaraOcumbungles · 09/07/2018 19:05

There’s scumbags like this everywhere. Mumsnet hates they word chav but that’s what people like this are. Report them and keep reporting them until the council do something about them.

CheshireChat · 09/07/2018 19:18

Complain, if they want to avoid being evicted then they should abide by common sense rules, like no bonfires and less noise. These rules will be outlined when the council talks to them so they can choose how they proceed, they will not be evicted without being given a second chance.

You're showing kindness towards them, but what if any of their neighbours starts getting depressed because of the chaos?

maxthemartian · 09/07/2018 19:23

Definitely complain! They should be behaving like civilised human beings with one eviction behind them already.
Go direct to the council so that they don't know that it's you.

Hellywelly10 · 09/07/2018 19:25

Please dont confrunt them op, it may not be safe for you to do so.

dadshere · 09/07/2018 19:43

Get your complaints in, make sure you have kept a diary, photos and videos too if possible. I had to suffer a neighbour from hell, relocated by the council to next door to us. She was horrendous, we tried to be neighbourly when she moved in, but it was clearly a wasted effort. Dh recorded the instances of anti-social behaviour, (police refused to come at 3.am, when their music was so loud dd's room was like a disco.) Eventually we got rid of them.

Dieu · 09/07/2018 19:46

They sound like scum. Please don't for one moment feel bad about complaining. It's nobody's problem but their own if thrown out. Really feel for your mum, and good that she has you to look out for her Flowers

OftenHangry · 09/07/2018 19:50

Agree with previous posts. Don't go there. They will just go after your mum after that with bullying and more noise.

Contact council or housing association if it is under them. Get the other neighbours do the same or at least ask them if you can sign them under the complaint.
It's not a quick process but they will be moved. Recordings help. Just a video of you sitting in the garden to illustrate the noise. Or the smoke when they are burning rubbish.
If your mum loved her house (using past tense, because this makes one hate their house for a time) FIGHT.
Good luck x

longwayoff · 09/07/2018 19:51

Dont try to reason with them, theyre clearly used to being moved on. Just complain to council - and to their landlord if council have rented the house for them. Get your other neighbours to complain. Insist on anonymity. It will take a while to shift them to yet another house where it will start over again.

FlyingElbows · 09/07/2018 19:57

Your local council website should have a section about anti-social behaviour and contact details for the relevant housing office. We're almost exactly the same problem as you. Our newish estate backs on to a council estate. 99.9999% of the residents are absolutely fine, no trouble at all but there is one woman who is awful. Constant shouting, swearing, loud music and she's so damn loud. Someone phoned the police last Sunday because the music outside was deafening. She's really aggressive as well so the advice on our council website to speak to the problem neighbour is a no go. I'm sure your council will be able to advise you but don't feel bad about complaining. It's miserable having to put up with people like that.

DesignStatement · 09/07/2018 19:57

Complain to the council. Don't go it alone.

longwayoff · 09/07/2018 20:19

And really dont speak to them about it no matter what the council suggests. They have paid staff to do that so you dont have to.

Redundancy1 · 09/07/2018 20:25

Don't speak to them

Could you write to the council and just say "resident of X road". They will understand that no one wants to be named.

AdultHumanFemale · 09/07/2018 22:14

Thank you, everyone. Interesting that you all think that the council is the way to go, despite all online advice suggesting speaking directly to the neighbour in question first. I suppose I just feel a bit cowardly and two-faced as a PP suggested. But a good reminder that the council does have paid housing / EH officers to address issues like there. And that it might be possible to insist on anonymity. And I worry that perhaps the mum, who is the one adult who is consistently there, doesn't have that much control over the noise made by the teens, friends and visiting relatives etc (honestly, their social life is thriving), yet she's the one who will be the most impacted if a complaint is upheld.

OP posts:
longwayoff · 09/07/2018 22:40

You cant save the world although your aims are laudable. Trust us on this one, you cant save your neighbours either. Save your mum. They'll make your lives a misery for the next six months minimum. They'll be rehoused

And theyre not concerned about your welfare. They know not to behave in this way and dont give a stuff

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