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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Another Noisy Neighbours thread; would I be heartless if I complained?

42 replies

AdultHumanFemale · 09/07/2018 18:27

I just can't tell if I'm BU. Maybe more of a 'What Would You Do?' kind of dilemma. I feel like I am going to be unreasonable whatever I do.
Last year, a new family moved into the house next door but one to my mum's. It is a mixed estate, my mum owns her house and the new family are council tenants.
They're really difficult to live near (my house is just a stones throw away on the other side of the road). The family consists of a mum, several teens, two pre-school aged children and two dogs. There is a dad around occasionally. Nobody works or goes to school, so they're in all day, every day.
They are so noisy, and it's driving their immediate neighbours potty. In this heat, with windows open, our whole end of the street can hear them. Whether indoors, in the garden or hanging around outside their house, the shouting, swearing and arguing, seemingly between all members of the family is incessant.
They have a weekly dog poo and household waste bonfire in the garden, which really stinks, and one dog in particular escapes all the time, wreaking havoc in neighbouring gardens.
Add to that lots of vehicles and motorbikes gathering on the pavement, verge and sometimes even obstructing the road on evenings and weekends.
My mum is so miserable about it, she doesn't want to be in the garden or have the windows open. She says she wants to move to get away from it.
My problem is that I could just go and talk to them, were it not for the for the fact that I am too chicken as they are quite fighty, and police have been around, once for a big brawl out in the street, but also because I hate the idea of a woman who is as good as on her own in difficult circumstances, and gets treated like shit by her partner, feeling even more stressed harassed, especially as she has two really young children. Their next door neighbour, who is trying to keep relations civil, was told by the mum that they were relocated from their previous house because of complaints from neighbours, and that she is so relieved that nobody here has complained. But it is just that everyone is too scared.
Has anyone got any experience of addressing a problem like this and for there to be a constructive, win-win resolution? WIBU to complain, either directly to her or the council? l feel that, by comparison, we are all really lucky to live where we do, and that we should have a bit of a "There but for the grace..." attitude to this family, but I also feel awful for my mum and the other immediate neighbours, all of whom are pensioners who are too scared to make a fuss.

OP posts:
MrsCrabbyTree · 10/07/2018 02:53

It appears that you care more about the lady and her wellbeing more than her friends?? Surely they know she was rehoused due to noise disturbance and if they cared, then they would calm down while visiting her. Just my two cents …...

allthefuckery · 10/07/2018 05:06

Of course she has control over visitors. If they've already been evicted once they would be aware of what past complaints were, and be making they don't make the same mistakes again. They obviously just don't give a shit. Absolutely complain to the council.

FurryDice · 10/07/2018 05:18

Jesus. What utter fucking cunts. As others have said they KNOW what they’re doing. The mum isn’t some innocent in all this. They’ve already been relocated - which in itself is fucking disgusting. They’ve been moved on to your patch despite already making other people’s lives a misery.

COMPLAIN. COMPLAIN. COMPLAIN.

MrMeSeeks · 10/07/2018 07:58

doesn't have that much control over the noise made by the teens, friends and visiting relatives etc
Seriously? I certainly knew it wasn't ok to make excessive noise as a teen, and my dad wouldn't have let me!
Why is ok for this?
Complain! They clearly have not learned any lessons! Stop feeling sorry for them!

AdultHumanFemale · 10/07/2018 08:22

Hm. You are all being really helpful. I think we as neighbours have all been going "Jeez, this is awful! But let's see how they settle in..." followed by "They're still at it! But things must be hard... Who are we to judge, let's cut them some slack." etc for so long that to finally say "Enough already!" seems quite harsh, as we've kind of talked each other into being patient and understanding. But it seems the time has come and that it's going to be me who mobilises the hood. Thanks again!

OP posts:
OftenHangry · 10/07/2018 08:32

There are times to be patient and understanding. This is not one of them. Think of your poor mum. She doesn't want to go to her garden and is thinking of moving. That's not right. Fight for her. Also these people just can't get away with behaving like this. There must be consequences. Don't feel bad about complaining x

Gramgram · 10/07/2018 08:40

Definitely complain to the council, if you aren't sure which department to complain to, then at least take your complaints to your elected councillor, even if you didn't vote for them. You should be able to find their email address on the council website.

SnuggyBuggy · 10/07/2018 08:40

Talking to neighbours first is all well and good if they seem like reasonable people and it is just a misunderstanding. For chaotic awful people like this you just make yourself a target.

I wouldn't have much sympathy for this woman, she hasn't learnt anything from being evicted or tried to change her behaviour. It's her own fault if she gets evicted again.

Amshook · 10/07/2018 08:42

I agree not to approach this family yourself even though that’s recommended as a starting point
With neighbour problems. Definitely the council. And also agree that just because the mum has a tough time of it that doesn’t give her the right to be an antisocial nuisance to surrounding neighbours. Loads of people have shitty lives but they don’t all shriek and swear so half the street can hear them, burn dog shit on a regular basis and generally make a bloody nuisance of themselves.

Cismyass · 10/07/2018 08:50

I just can't understand why anyone would buy a house on an estate like this? Fine if you are housing association tennants or buying into a shared ownership scheme and otherwise wouldn't be able to buy but what's in it for the other homeowners? A local estate near us which my parents decided not to buy on thank fuck due to the proximity of the housing association homes to the almost £400k property they were looking at has already got a dire reputation and it's only been built6 months or so. Drunks screeching and swearing, noise, mess the usual all hours of the day and night and the home owners have the priveledge of paying an annual charge to maintain the place for these scroates.
I live in a council property myself but firmly believe that people who cannot behave/respect their neighbours' right to a peaceful life should not be housed by the council who currently bend over backwards to ensure the scroates are just moved from area to area, at least where i live.

JugglingMonkeys · 10/07/2018 09:22

We've had this and complained. I'm on edge as I know someone from the housing association is going round sometime this week. I've no idea what the outcome will be but they've been quiet as mice since the complaint, but then they were for a while after our complaint last year after they we're threatening physical violence. I hate that we could be the cause of someone having to move from their home but we can't bear living next to them. I'm hoping the housing assc won't suggest meditation, the wife in particular really scares me.

OftenHangry · 10/07/2018 09:24

Cismyass (loving the name) isn't it now mandatory for developers to include certain amount of social housing in all their projects? I heard something like that. So basically every new built estate has a HA tenants too. I live in mixed area and it's lovely. You can get CF neighbours anywhere no matter what price or demographic lives there.

JugglingMonkeys · 10/07/2018 09:32

I should say, even though I am on edge, putting in a complaint was the best thing to do.

longwayoff · 10/07/2018 09:40

You will be insisting on anonimity with the rest of your neighbours dont agree to mediation. Dont be bullied into acquiescence, it'll all kick off a gain in a couple of months

specialsubject · 10/07/2018 09:51

discussion and mediation is for normal humans. these are pigs. i doubt the kids get educated or the dogs get walked ( why are there always dogs?) . they dont have a choice, the woman does.

go to the council. ideally the dogs will be rehomed, the kids taken, the adults put on the street and so meone deserving will get the house.

AdultHumanFemale · 10/07/2018 10:54

Cis (also loving the name), it has been a really lovely, quiet place in the 12 years we've been here; a 100 year old council estate which has lots of old people who have been here since they were literally born on the kitchen floor, and has gradually become mixed as people have bought their council homes. This is the first bit of trouble in our part of the estate, although I have heard there are a couple of other troublesome families in other streets. But really not a nuicance hot spot.
I am going to chat to a few neighbours this evening to build a picture of how to proceed. You are right, I think my mum is so exhausted by it that she needs to know someone's got her back. She's spent her whole working life fighting for other people's rights.

OP posts:
Ginorchoc · 10/07/2018 11:05

I wouldn’t put up with it, my adjoining neighbours have 7 in their house, including 5 teens, 4 dogs and a cat. Hardly hear a noise, odd argument but the parents are all over it.

Your mums neighbours being a large family is no excuse.

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