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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Aibu to think my ex is a bit cheeky?

39 replies

princessmum1 · 09/07/2018 13:48

Split up with my partner a few weeks ago. We have a very young daughter together.

Very long story regarding the break up, but generally it has been awful and it seems he is trying to be horrible about everything. Bit of backstory is he basically forced me out of our jointly owned home, and is still making me pay half of the costs of him living there while we start the process of selling it etc. I’ve had to move in with my parents. I receive statutory maternity pay. He persuaded me to try for a baby soon after I started a new job, I wanted to wait until I would receive company pay but as he has a relatively high income (we both earnt the same before I went on leave) he was going to support me while on leave. He removed all our money from our joint account into his own account. Around £15000. I was quite literally left with access to £10 and he refused to acknowledge having any money of mine.

He’s trying to take the money I put down as the deposit on our house (he did not contribute to it, we then paid equally towards the mortgage). I know this is my fault for not signing anything before, but he always said of course he would give me that proportion of money back if we ever split up.

He’s started having our daughter every other weekend. He sends me a list of things to pack before the weekend. I took most of her things as she was going to be living with me.

On the list he has asked for formula milk.

Now I know this is petty, but Aibu to think after all of the above that he could buy his own formula milk for the weekend?!

OP posts:

Mammalamb · 09/07/2018 13:49

Get a good solicitor. Quickly

itsBritneyBeach · 09/07/2018 13:50

Yes, that is cheeky, but alarm bells are ringing here. Get legal advice ASAP

Shiftymake · 09/07/2018 13:56

wow, this is more then formula milk- as other posters said: Get Legal advice asap!

TurnipCake · 09/07/2018 13:58

You need good legal advice asap

Original poster

princessmum1 · 09/07/2018 14:03

I have got a good solicitor, luckily my parents are happy to pay.

Unfortunately going through solicitors for things is taking its time and he is ensuring it is dragged out as long as possible (why would he want to move out of a house he’s paying hardly anything to live in?!)

I can’t imagine someone having to go through this without parents being able to support. It would be even more hellish than it already is.

The milk was just the icing really.. 😂

OP posts:

Aprilshouldhavebeenmyname · 09/07/2018 14:07

Offer to send a list advising HIM of what HE needs to provide for HIS dc in HIS time.
Ring the mortgage company now and tell them you have moved out, do not hand him cash /expect him to make the payments on behalf. . Ask for their suggestion as to what happens now.

diddl · 09/07/2018 14:21

How is he making you pay for a house you are no longer living in?

SchadenfreudePersonified · 09/07/2018 14:24

How is he making you pay for a house you are no longer living in?

I wondered this, too.

c3pu · 09/07/2018 14:25

Is he paying you at the amount the CMS calculator suggests he ought to?

NurseryFightClub · 09/07/2018 14:26

Make sure you get bank statements him removing money from joint account will reflect badly on him

Original poster

princessmum1 · 09/07/2018 14:28

Legally, as we jointly own the property I am liable for 50% of the mortgage. I contacted the mortgage company, they advised to pay 50% if I could. He only put enough money in the account for 50% of it and wasn’t going to put anymore in - I obviously did not want to go into arrears and have it effect my credit rating.

And no, no child maintenance yet. Think he will start paying soon but I doubt I’ll get anything to cover the past month..

OP posts:

StaplesCorner · 09/07/2018 14:29

The money he took will pay the mortgage until it is sold. Your solicitor sounds like shit - go to another solicitor for the half hour free appointment and get the advice checked. You should not be giving him any money - where are you getting cash from anyway?

TheFormidableMrsC · 09/07/2018 14:29

Stop paying immediately. He is not forcing you, you are paying him! Stop it! He can supply everything for the baby when he has her. That is not for you to do. Is the property in joint names? Was the money he removed from a joint account? Can your solicitor apply to freeze accounts for now?

This is way way more than just formula milk but given that was your question...no, you don't supply formula, he does. Cheeky bastard.

Oakmaiden · 09/07/2018 14:29

How is he making you pay for a house you are no longer living in?

I would imagine that because OPs name is on the mortgage/bills then she doesn't want the black mark against her name if they fall into arrears.

BreakfastAtSquiffanys · 09/07/2018 14:29

I'd move back in since I've paid for most of the house

TheFormidableMrsC · 09/07/2018 14:30

I think he will start paying soon

I bloody well doubt it. Get a CMS application in immediately!

ExConstance · 09/07/2018 14:31

OP, you sound like a nice easy going person from your post. you had a child at a time that suited him, you bought a property without the safeguards of a written agreement, you let him bully you out of your home and allowed him to take joint account money. Please be firmer !!!! The bank would have frozen that account if you had notified them immediately and you have a right to live in the house which your solicitor should be able to help you enforce. If you are not living in the house you should not be paying towards it for the time being.

I'm rather concerned that having a solicitor has slowed things down, most family lawyers act pretty quickly and are used to going off to court instantly to get injunctions etc. If you think yours is dragging their feet please change to someone who will protect your interests before he pulls another fast one on you.

ACatsNoHelpWithThat · 09/07/2018 14:32

You don't need to pay for half the mortgage - in the absence of a court order to the contrary it's usual for the person staying there to pay the full amount in lieu of having the whole house to themselves ("rent" for your half of the house if you will).

As for formula milk, tell him to get to fuck.

Thebluedog · 09/07/2018 14:32

Stop paying half the house, he’s taken £15000 that should more than cover any of your half.

Can you get bank statements to prove that you did have th £15000 jointly and it’s been withdrawn recently?

As for formula. You need to send him a list of everything YOU AND YOUR DC need.

Please tell me he’s paying what he should via csa (or whatever it’s called now)

NewYearNewMe18 · 09/07/2018 14:35

Whether the OP is living in the house or not, she is still legally obliged to fulfil her mortgage commitments.

SaltyPeanut · 09/07/2018 14:38

I'm sorry, I have no advice apart from get legal advice but I can see you're already on to that but I just have to say what an utter and terrible bastard he sounds.

He is lower than a worm turd.

Best of luck getting through this horrible situation

Ennirem · 09/07/2018 14:40

Astoundingly cheeky fucker. Give him no more money, adv and advise him if he hasn't got the wherewithall even to feed his own child he has no business having her EOW. In fact, depending on her age you could make the argument it isn't good for him to have overnights at all at this point, why should you have to dance around so he can play at fatherhood one night in every 14? FFS.

KokoandAllBall · 09/07/2018 14:40

No, tell him what he needs to buy for her - using some of that £15,000. If he doesn't buy stuff for her, he doesn't take her.

KokoandAllBall · 09/07/2018 14:41

Have you really got a good solicitor? A second opinion might be in order.

Original poster

princessmum1 · 09/07/2018 14:41

Unfortunately NewYear is correct, I still have to meet half the payments.

The money came from my pay at the end of June, luckily work were able to change the account I got paid into in time.

I’ve got bank statements to show it, unfortunately he’s been doing it over the last year smaller amounts at a time. I had no online access to the account (he said when we set it up I’d never need it as I’d be able to view it on his phone) and he always just gave me his card if I needed to do the weekly shop etc. I’ve been told not to tell him to use this money for now as it will make it more complicated trying to get it back.

The solicitor is trying to be as quick as possible, he refused to discuss anything financial until we had a child arrangement in place.

And yes, I know I sound like a top doormat.

OP posts:

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