Aibu to think my ex is a bit cheeky?

[princessmum1]

Split up with my partner a few weeks ago. We have a very young daughter together.

Very long story regarding the break up, but generally it has been awful and it seems he is trying to be horrible about everything. Bit of backstory is he basically forced me out of our jointly owned home, and is still making me pay half of the costs of him living there while we start the process of selling it etc. I’ve had to move in with my parents. I receive statutory maternity pay. He persuaded me to try for a baby soon after I started a new job, I wanted to wait until I would receive company pay but as he has a relatively high income (we both earnt the same before I went on leave) he was going to support me while on leave. He removed all our money from our joint account into his own account. Around £15000. I was quite literally left with access to £10 and he refused to acknowledge having any money of mine.

He’s trying to take the money I put down as the deposit on our house (he did not contribute to it, we then paid equally towards the mortgage). I know this is my fault for not signing anything before, but he always said of course he would give me that proportion of money back if we ever split up.

He’s started having our daughter every other weekend. He sends me a list of things to pack before the weekend. I took most of her things as she was going to be living with me.

On the list he has asked for formula milk.

Now I know this is petty, but Aibu to think after all of the above that he could buy his own formula milk for the weekend?!

I second the advice to get his bank account frozen, it's often done when there's evidence of a joint account having been emptied by one party. My solicitor moved like lightning when my ex did it to me. It means that neither of you have access to that money so you do need another account to receive benefits, etc, preferably with a different bank, or even the Post Office.

Fortunately my business account wasn't affected and I had enough to live on.

Make sure he's paying maintenance through CMS. For now it might be enough to cover the mortgage, then when the house is sold you can start again

"I would imagine that because OPs name is on the mortgage/bills then she doesn't want the black mark against her name if they fall into arrears."

Presumably that is in the process of being changed then?

When I divorced that was one of the first things that happened.

Assume you're aware by now that you're describing abuse from him?

Is your ex a "bit cheeky" No - he is more than a bit cheeky - he is a fullblown fucking arsewipe who has manipulated you to right where he wants you: to breed his baby despite you wanting wait, to provide the deposit on the jointly owned home, to kick you and your child out of said home & steal the joint savings account. You need to find a rottweiler of a lawyer for this piece of shit because he is not going to play fair, he is vermin and should be put down, but as you don't have this option, you had better strap on your ladyballs because you are going to have to fight for everything you are entitled to.

Do not send a fucking thing to this bastard. Tell him he needs to provide for his child himself. Nasty abusive shit he is.
Get on to child maitenance asap, this man will never willingly pay.

When my ex moved out of our jointly owned house he stopped paying anything toward the mortgage. I spoke to a solicitor about it and she said if I tried to claim any money from him for it, he could charge me “rent” for his “half” of the house.

I spoke to the bank we had a our mortgage with and they weren’t interested, unless the mortgage was paid we would both be in arrears. So I paid the mortgage myself for a number of months until the house sold so I didn’t get a black mark against my name.
I would assume your ex would feel/do the same and money he has taken from the joint account should more than cover your half of the mortgage.

you are right to be wary about your credit rating - you will struggle to move on if it is trashed. If you can afford the mortgage, pay it. I would, however, get my name removed from any bills and stop paying those as soon as your name is gone.

He should pay the full mortgage if he is going to live their alone - kind of like compensation for you not having access. However, the cutting odd the nose to spite the face approach has long term implications so please do be careful.

Ring the mortgage company and explain, ask how you can pay your 'half', but if he doesn't pay his half the arrears etc will still be attached to you. Will he give you his half, or is he too much of an arse to even do that?
Whatever happens, pay the mortgage, if not and it gets repossessed it will effect your credit, and there may be fees etc that get taken out of any equity, not to mention you struggling/not getting a mortgage on your own.

Re; the deposit, I don't think there is much you can do, unfortunately. I've always had something written up, and if the person didn't like it then I wouldn't have bought with them. When I buy a house with my husband (we currently live in my house) I will get him to also sign something, as the £100k deposit I put down I wouldn't want him having half of IF something happened in the future for the exact reason you are going through. Yes, it's not very romantic, but it's practical, it's MY money, why should he have £50k of my money, or potentially make me sell up to pay him off.

Re; the joint account, unfortunately it is exactly that. As far as I'm aware it will be seen that he took money out of an account he had joint access to. He did nothing wrong (in the eyes of the law).

It is really shit though, and he SHOULD give you half the joint account money, he should give you your deposit back when you sell, he should pay the whole mortgage as you're not there, and he should pay for things for your child, but he is a f arsehole so he won't.

This happened to me. I just didn’t realise this was financial abuse until this process happened. Freeze the account, be a tight-fisted arse, get a SHL
My Ex ‘lost’ in the end thanks to my SHL

Contact all energy providers/Sky/Council tax etc. Put bills into his name, yes you can do this. It will take about an hour. I did it for my tenants.

He is asking you to provide milk??!! Even when he's paying child maintenance I wouldn't expect you to provide milk for when he has her.

How old is she?

I will ask about getting the bank account frozen, but think that may cause even more problems with him in the long term.

He’s already removed my name from council tax etc so at least am not paying the bills now.

I am now aware this is financial abuse. This on top of the dv in the relationship really does make me wonder why on earth I stayed - I never thought I’d be one of those people.

Would definitely never let someone have such control over my money again and would not buy with someone without signing something regarding deposit money - I now realise safeguarding mine and my DDs future is the most important thing.

She’s 8 weeks old.

This is always a tricky situation, re; deposit on a house, and a lot of people would do what you have. A friend of mine sold her house, had about £150k to put down on a new house with her new husband, but the mortgage is in his name and she didn't get anything written up?! I was like 'This isn't just about you, it's your two children's future you need to think about. What if it goes wrong, you're not even on the mortgage/deeds!' and she just said she felt 'guilty' asking him to sign something when they've just got married......