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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think she's trying to sabotage me?

27 replies

Fatclub · 09/07/2018 12:15

I'm half joking but...
My Mum is generally fab and has done loads for us apart from when it comes to weight. She has done slimming world for years and has lost a lot of weight. She was around 20 stone. She's still heavier than me.

She's quite competitive and jokes she's smaller than my Dad now and seems obsessed with my weight. I'm, 15 stone and a size 16 and she will give me size 22 pants that she's bought because they are too big for her Confused

I was weighed at the doctors a few weeks ago. She asked me what I was and said 'ohhh I thought so, you can tell Shock)

I have just started slimming world myself for health reasons and she's well aware.
I visited Friday and it was the first thing she commented on was me going.
She then offered me crisps and chocolate cake near enough straight away.

Later on she made our tea and offered me what she said was okay. Only actually in the end what appeared a healthiest meal actually turned out to be my weekly syns. I didn't realise this but when I mentioned it I just got a laugh.

Aibu to take my own food next week.
Aib paranoid?

OP posts:
Racecardriver · 09/07/2018 12:17

She sounds a bit mean.

Mrsharrison · 09/07/2018 12:20

She's weird and yes it sounds like she's become obsessed with being the only slimmer in the village.
Can you have the talk and tell her you need her support?

PinkHeart5914 · 09/07/2018 12:23

She does sound mean! Surely as a mother she should be encouraging her child to be fit and healthy not poking fun.

Ignore her, and keep going with your diet. Yes take your own food next time, I would

Iwouldratherbemuckingout · 09/07/2018 12:28

I think she's being the opposite of supportive and you should point out you are looking to her for guidance and support - her answer will tell you everything.

But what on earth did she feed you that was a weeks syn values? That's over 100 syns!!!!

Original poster
Fatclub · 09/07/2018 12:34

Iwouldrather we were told 35 to 105 a week. I've quite a bit to loose and am going on holiday soon so working somewhere near the lower level as is she.

OP posts:
Mousetolioness · 09/07/2018 12:36

Yes sabotage most likely or elseat best wholly thoughtless. I think the first option as she knows the drill re food and syns.

longestlurkerever · 09/07/2018 12:52

She is being awful. It sounds like she still has an unhealthy attitude towards weight and food. Since you have a generally good relationship though can you turn it into something more positive? Tell her she's inspired you, ask for tips, that kind of thing, so she sees this as a joint endeavour rather than a competitive thing?

CuriousaboutSamphire · 09/07/2018 12:56

"Mum, stop messing... Mum, stop messing... Mum, stop messing... Mum, stop messing... Mum, stop messing... Mum, stop messing... Mum, stop messing... Mum, stop messing... Mum, stop messing... Mum, stop messing... Mum, stop messing... " With a smile if you can manage it.

Remember she's lost a lot and is probably still feeling a tad euphoric... she will have lost ALL of her common sense if it's a rare success for her.

And when you have finished remembering that... snarl inwardly and concentrate on you Smile

SummersB · 09/07/2018 13:00

Yeah my mum is a bit like that. She is lovely mostly but when it comes to weight she seems to be hell bent on competing with me, it's so strange! I have lost a bit of weight recently and I'm dreading her seeing me (she lives abroad) because I know she will be massively pissed off and sulky when she sees me.

MessyMummy15 · 09/07/2018 13:05

Yes I find that a bit strange tbh.
I did slimming world with my mother and she was more supportive like if I told her I was going shop to get a can of Coke she'd say "ooh don't forget to get diet one it's less syns" or if I went round for dinner she'd make normal meals for the rest of the family and make me and her a slighter healthier option.
I'm the more competitive of the two of us but I was just more determined to work harder myself rather then deterrent her.
It does seem a bit spiteful.
When she offers you stuff like that just make a comment about determined to stick to it and how your doing it properly. She will soon get the message. It's not rude to say no when she knows the rules herself.

ShapelyBingoWing · 09/07/2018 13:09

My mum is good in many ways (weighs? Wink ) but like yours, she's awful at sabotaging my weight loss. I feel your pain, it's really frustrating. I've essentially said to my mum that I have no issues at all with not eating at hers if she doesn't want to cook things I can eat. She feigns surprise when I bring it up. The following week (I tend to go there for my tea weekly) she'll do something healthy but after that she starts the 'But it's only made with 20% fat mince, cooked in oil and smothered in an unknown quantity of cheese! Why don't you have some garlic bread instead if you can't eat this?'

That said, I'm also really keen to know what she's fed you that appeared healthy but was hiding a week's syns?! 35-105 syns a week translates to 700-2100 calories from none-free/speed foods!

Squatternutbosh · 09/07/2018 13:14

My mum does this too (suggested me going to SW with her even though I weigh 9 stone? Hmm). I don’t understand why a mother would do that to a daughter. I want my DD to grow up and feel confident and happy, and will not be nitpicking at her weight constantly or making her feel shit about herself. I don’t know why a mother would feel the need to compete with her daughter.

diddl · 09/07/2018 13:19

She sounds obssessed!

What did she give you to eat that was so bad & you couldn't tell?

Tjzmummabear · 09/07/2018 13:23

do u live at home op? If u make the meals she can't sabotage them x

have a look a pinchofnom website also slimmingworldsurvival.com

As I have lost 10st I'm more than happy to help. 1 hr of exercise a day. Swim, walk, run, move. My mum a feeder 2... but hey ho, i think it's a way of showing love. try to walk as much as possible to the shops, for fun, as a treat.

Have u tried making the fakeaways your Mum will love them x

Argos value plates are teeny and you eat a lot less.

BrazzleDazzleDay · 09/07/2018 13:24

I have a friend like this, im a 6/8, shes a 12/14. Gives me clothes that are too big for her, or 32b/34a bras for my 32f boobs. Really fucking bizarre, i do have a laugh about it nowadays...

strawberrisc · 09/07/2018 13:26

Before you get upset are you SURE it was deliberate? What is your relationship usually like?

Appuskidu · 09/07/2018 13:26

I’m amazed she made something for you that was a week’s worth of syns, but you couldn’t tell?!

CoffeeOrSleep · 09/07/2018 13:32

So she's still overweight - do you think she's decided in her mind it's "too hard" to lose the weight, and you being oveweight too "shows" that everyone in her family struggles with weight, it's a genetic thing... except if you manage to lose weight - and even end up thin - on the same diet she lost a bit of weight, but still is overweight on - then its clear it's not the diet, it's not the genetics, it's her choices?

You managing to lose weight would show her failure up. She's mentally made you fatter than you are, in order to make herself feel better - she's not the biggest, she's not the only one who can't lose weight....

I would stop going over for meal times for the next month. Try to see her out somewhere, or pop over after dinner (and say "I've just eaten" as you arrive).

Don't talk about your diet, if she says how it's going, just smile and say it's ok and change the subject. If she asks your weight/weightloss, lie and say you can't remember, but you're going off clothes and some things that were too tight now feel ok. Then change the subject.

Stick at it, don't allow yourself to think that you are naturally overweight, don't talk food and diet with your Mum.

Shumpalumpa · 09/07/2018 13:33

the only slimmer in the village.

That made me lol.

I'm dreading her seeing me (she lives abroad) because I know she will be massively pissed off and sulky when she sees me.

I would shimmy my hips in front of her and say 'check out all the weight I've lost'. If she knows you dread her reaction she will continue to do it in the hope that you will give up losing weight.

Mummyoflittledragon · 09/07/2018 13:41

Maybe tell her you quit sw? Take the competition away and wear baggy clothes when you see her so any weight loss is less apparent. Maybe have a snack before you go round and eat a small portion of whatever she cooks up. Blame the hot weather on your small appetite and insist she has some - waste not want not Wink.

MatildaTheCat · 09/07/2018 13:41

Slimming World is all about supporting one another, surely?

Tell her you really admire her success and want her to feel the same about you. All about the sisterhood. Keep one phrase handy and repeat it each and every time she does this.

HelpTheTigers · 09/07/2018 13:43

I have a friend who brings along lots of chocolate, cake, biscuits etc at every visit, despite the fact that I keep asking her to stop. If I give her them back as she leaves, she either puts them into a cupboard or throws them into the room as she's heading out the door!

She has more of a weight problem than I have and makes it quite obvious that it really annoys her, going as far as saying that she didn't want to go away for the weekend with any friends who are slimmer than her.
It's the old green-eyed monsters thing, unfortunately.
Take your own food, call her out on it and don't give in to pressure as you are doing really well! Mutual support is so much more effective than sabotage and suspicion and your mum will benefit too.

areyoubeingserviced · 09/07/2018 13:50

Unfortunately you will find that many people will try to sabotage your weight loss.
They will give you bigger sized clothes ,in order to keep you in your place.
They will not tell you when you have lost weight, but will tell you when you have put weight on.
They will encourage you to eat ‘unhealthy ‘ foods.
They will tell you that you have become a diet bore.
They will not compliment you

adayatthebeach · 09/07/2018 14:19

Do your best to ignore any weight related conversations. Ignore offerings of food. Take clothes without comment and give to a charity shop. She can’t do much if you don’t engage.

DistanceCall · 09/07/2018 14:21

Yep, she's sabotaging you. It happens A LOT when people start to take care of themselves and lose weight, and in the case of your mother it sounds like, consciously or unconsciously, she cannot bear you to get slim.

Act accordingly, i.e. don't accept her food and bring your own, etc.