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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I reported someone today for child abuse.

95 replies

Pipeup · 09/07/2018 00:52

Name changed as this is outing.

I watched a mother slam her young child to the floor and throw a bottle at him amongst other things.

I couldn't do much to intervene as I had my own child with me plus a friend of mine and her children. We both saw the full incident and I called the police straight away to report.

What I dont get though is why people are trying to make excuses for this kind of abuse.

I had a message off someone who knows the woman in question saying that her children are a right handful but surely there's a difference between discipline and violence.

Someone else came forward and said that she saw the same woman grab her child by the harm so forcefully she was actually worried it could of broke his arm.

So mumsnet did I do the right thing? If you. saw this happening would you report or turn a blind eye?

I've never reported anyone in my whole life for anything but seeing a child that frightened and distressed really shocked and upset me and the people I was with. I will admit I didn't see what happened in the minutes leading up to whay happened it was the the first push that caught my eye she sent him anout 5 meters across the grass it was that forceful then threw the bottle as he walked back towards her crying she then grabbed him by both arms swung him and threw him to the ground.

Aside from reporting what else could I of done differently in that situation especially when I had children with me myself. A lot of people are saying i should of hit her! I'm not violent at all and what sort of example is that for children anyway?

OP posts:
BuckysRoboticArm · 09/07/2018 05:20

5 metres???? She sent him 5 metres across the grass???? Christ.

babba2014 · 09/07/2018 05:24

I just wonder if she did that in our lives what happens at home?
As a kid I had cousins who were a right handful but they were incredibly spoilt being brought up in the same household as extended family who overruled the mother. However hitting did not resolve anything or make any of them less naughty.

It could just be that she's at her wits end but boy I feel bad for her for not having a coping mechanism as it can't be easy to be driven to do that and I feel awfully sorry for the kid.

I once saw a man repeatedly hit his child. I was gobsmaked and didn't know what to do. I didn't think people did that nowadays especially in public!

Cherrysherbet · 09/07/2018 06:02

I saw a three year old with bad bruising when I was 17. She was with her mum, and they were regular customers in the shop I worked in. The story she told me didn't add up, but I was reassured by a colleague that it was fine. As she knew her, and I was young and stupid, I accepted it. A few weeks later, Mum and step dad killed her. It was devastating.

Yes, you did the right thing to report.

newdaylight · 09/07/2018 06:17

Absolutely right thing.

But the OP says that people were responding to her post. I think that is really not the op’s place to seek this person’s identity. It is down to the police/social services etc.
Police would have been unlikely to find out. Social services wouldn't have even accepted the referral. Child would have remained at risk.

The child is the priority, right? There's nothing wrong with taking a picture of someone and putting it on Facebook.

wheezing · 09/07/2018 06:21

Absolutely right. The Facebook thing isn’t ideal but if it was the only way of finding the name in order to report, it was right.

wheezing · 09/07/2018 06:21

Cherrysherbet Flowers

CurlyWurlyTwirly · 09/07/2018 06:25

OP, you did the right thing. Facebook was a means to an end. You were thanked by a relative and the child is safe with its father.
As adults, I feel we have a responsibility to safeguard all children in society

tmh88 · 09/07/2018 06:25

Definitely they right thing to do, I would of reported the same. Not sure about Facebook, obviously this is completely different and the case of what you saw is much more serious than what happened to us. But when we asked police if we could post cctv footage of a car break in they said that people often mistake who it is and it can cause more bother, slander etc. For the person posting the image if the name accused has been got wrong by the public and it can also bring a lot of trouble to your doorstep. Definitely the right thing to report! But I would maybe try delete the post just in case they are involved with anyone dodgy who could bring trouble your way! Sorry you had to see what you did Thanks

tmh88 · 09/07/2018 06:28

Sorry just seen the child is with his father That's fantastic news! Only just seen the post has been removed also sorry x

MaverickSnoopy · 09/07/2018 06:30

Of course you did the right thing. You could have just provided a missing piece to a puzzle.

IVEgotthePOWER · 09/07/2018 06:32

Well done op Flowers

I would have reported. I also probably would have been unable to stop myself getting involved there and then. That poor child Sad

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 09/07/2018 07:09

You did the right thing x

fleshmarketclose · 09/07/2018 07:10

I once saw a woman backhand her daughter (would have been 4) across the face so hard she hit her head on a wall behind her. I was so shocked I shouted at her that she was a bloody disgrace and that I was reporting her. I didn't know the mother but knew the little girl went to nursery with my son. I reported her using the child's name. She kept her children but I did hear that children's services kept a close eye so it was obviously warranted. I did expect a smack myself for shouting at her or even later for children's services intervention but she never said a word to me which just showed she could control herself if she wanted to.

Funnyface1 · 09/07/2018 07:57

I definitely think you did the right thing. I'd have been as uncomfortable as hell with putting on Facebook but I can understand why you did it and if I'd witnessed this personally, I'd probably be angry enough to do it too.

CigarsofthePharoahs · 09/07/2018 08:04

I think you did the right thing.
Who's to say just how many more times the mum would snap like that and the consequences of that don't bear thinking about.

WellThisIsShit · 09/07/2018 09:17

I think you were brave putting the photo on Facebook, but it was the only way that child would have been found.

Police and ss wouldn’t have found the child so I don’t see what else you could have done... so circumstances kind of forced you into acting.

Well done.

Carecomplet · 09/07/2018 10:01

You're so brave to have done that, @fleshmarketclose! The world needs more people like you. That poor little girl Sad

BarryTheKestrel · 09/07/2018 10:38

@Pipeup I believe we are friends on Facebook, does your name begin with D?Either that or an old work colleague of mine experienced exactly the same yesterday, right down to the outcome.

You did the right thing! 100%.

justilou1 · 09/07/2018 12:05

I had nine broken arms before I was ten years old. I wish to god someone had reported my mother. Don't ever question yourself. You did the right thing, OP!!!

kaytee87 · 09/07/2018 12:11

You absolutely did the right thing op. That must have been so upsetting to see. You couldn't possibly intervene when you had your own children with you so you did your best. If you hadn't taken the photo then the child would still be with that women instead of safe.
If she was doing that in public then what the hell was she doing in private.

Worieddd · 09/07/2018 12:12

You did the right thing op

RaspberryRoulade · 09/07/2018 12:16

Yes you did the right thing, good to hear the child is now safe, poor wee boy Sad

PinkHeart5914 · 09/07/2018 12:17

You did the right thing

No matter how “challenging” a child is they should never be treated like that. How is telling them off for bad behaviour with violence going to help Confused

My parents were foster careers when I was growing up and some of the children we looked after come from some fucking disgusting parents and without people like you reporting these things they would of been left to suffer.

Sleepyblueocean · 09/07/2018 12:23

There is no excuse for behaviour like that. Sometimes you have no other option than to act in a physical way with a child for safety reasons, either their safety or your own but there is never a good reason for what you saw.

RoseWhiteTips · 09/07/2018 12:34

Right thing. Totally.

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