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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not know what to do about social media and pregnancy

38 replies

FASH84 · 08/07/2018 15:20

I'm seventeen weeks, we've now told all close friends and family, and work are now also aware. I wasn't going to do a FB announcement, but MIL today put something on her FB wall (tagged me) about her grandchild 🙄. Everyone knows DH is an only child and there are still quite a few colleagues and general friends who don't know just because we haven't seen them. We'd asked for nothing on social media until work knew but she's taken the fact they now know as a green light to go mad. I've untagged myself. I didn't think I'd be that bothered but we'd had a chat about how my mum announced my brother's second before he did, and she agreed it should've been their news to share or not. I don't want to fall out with her, I think she's genuinely just super excited, but I suppose it makes me feel like I should say something on social media before some of our friends etc see her posts. Is there a way to do this that isn't hideously tacky???

OP posts:
NewYearNewMe18 · 08/07/2018 15:45

You don't have to say anything if you don't want to. Your SM account is yours, hers is hers. People use their accounts in very different ways, some use it as a diary, some just show the good times, some post endless music videos … But in all honesty at 17 weeks you're hardly going to be able to keep it secret for much longer, you're 'showing' already and shes excited shes gong to be a grandma. Rather that than the endless posts about disinterested MILs we read about..

Yarnswift · 08/07/2018 15:49

We did the following;

Quick post with ‘happy to say we are expecting our first, due roughly xx’

Then nothing more till he was born.

sexnotgender · 08/07/2018 15:51

I'd be a bit annoyed but you did specify no SM until work knew so she did abide by your request.

I'm currently 11+5 and don't plan on it being on SM at all. Personally I think it's crass but I'm aware that's probably an old fashioned view.

DCITennison · 08/07/2018 15:51

Surely anyone who doesn’t already know is likely just an acquaintance?
Don’t do a fb announcement if that wasn’t what you intended, it’s not necessary.
Honestly, what does it matter now that your mil discusses it openly?
It’s not a secret and anyone who would be particularly interested already knows.

NotTakenUsername · 08/07/2018 15:52

We'd asked for nothing on social media until work knew but she's taken the fact they now know as a green light to go mad

How is one post after she has followed your wishes exactly going mad?

LyndseyKola · 08/07/2018 15:52

We'd asked for nothing on social media until work knew but she's taken the fact they now know as a green light to go mad.

To be fair, she did exactly as you asked. Nothing until work knew. So yeah, it’s a bit gauche, but she abided by your wishes.

FilledSoda · 08/07/2018 15:54

It's much classier not to put it on sm at all but I'd let mil have her fun.

Osirus · 08/07/2018 15:55

I didn’t post anything. A lot of my distant friends were surprised when the occasional baby picture appeared.

I would adjust your settings so you have to approve anything you are tagged in before it appears on your timeline. I did this (also MIL related!).

moreismore · 08/07/2018 15:55

I sent a WhatsApp/text to close friends and anyone I didn’t see regularly that I would want to tell personally.
Then I just left SM and when people twigged due to random pics/other comments they all just left lovely comments and I responded as I felt like. No one got offended and I didn’t feel like I’d posted stuff I didn’t want to

AWomanIsAnAdultHumanFemale · 08/07/2018 15:57

You don’t have to do anything. Your FB is yours and hers is hers. Just because she has announced it on hers doesn’t mean you have to do it too. If people see hers and ask you then you can confirm you are pregnant. You don’t owe the world an announcement!

TroubledLichen · 08/07/2018 16:04

Agree that she did exactly as you asked with the no social media until work knows request. You should have said no social media full stop if that’s what you wanted but it’s a bit late for that. It’s not her fault that you weren’t clear so definitely don’t have words with her and risk a falling out.

Personally I’d just leave it and not do your own announcement as I’m not a big fan of Facebook posting but it’s up to you. Anyone you actually see socially that may have also seen MIL’s post presumably already knows as you’ve told them in person so this really isn’t a big deal. And consider what you actually want going on social media once the baby arrives and be clear with MIL. So if for example you don’t ever want baby pictures posted or if you want to announce the birth yourselves you need to be clear and tell her exactly that.

ReservoirDogs · 08/07/2018 16:04

She has done one post in accordance with your instructions not to do anything until after you've told work and this counts as her going mad???

Try to think of it as being lovely that she ks excited to be a grandmother. As you say as DH is an only child so it is her only chanve to be one.

Involve her with your plans and what you want to do with the baby and she will be more likely to follow your rules and be onside.

ReservoirDogs · 08/07/2018 16:06

Excuse my phone typos! And congrats by the way.

RhubarbRhubarbRhubarbRhubarb · 08/07/2018 16:08

We did a group text to friends, told family by phone and after that I didn’t care. People found out one way or another.

Do you want it to be kept secret or did you want to be the one to share your news? If it’s the first, then reiterate that you don’t want anyone else to know yet. This is totally fine. If it’s the second, then yes, do an announcement of your own.

Applesandpears23 · 08/07/2018 16:11

I haven’t mentioned either child on social media but then I don’t post much anyway. I have asked others not to post pics of my children on social media. This hasn’t been a big ask as none of them are particularly active on there. You might like to change your settings so you have to approve anything you are tagged in before it appears on your wall and to prevent anyone writing on your wall.

Original poster
FASH84 · 08/07/2018 17:04

Thanks all, sorry I wasn't clear she tagged me in one post which then shouted up on my feed, but there have been about a dozen today already on hers, think I'm just not going to mention it on mine unless someone asks, all the important people know already. I've changed my settings so I have to approve tags too. It's not a secret (not now work know anyway, I've just started a secondment and wasn't sure how they'd take it), I guess we'd just hoped to share it ourselves as we saw other people, but DH doesn't do social media and I'm not a fan of the announcements. She's generally fine and is just a bit overexcited so wasn't going to say anything to her, just felt like I had to post as she had, but you've all made it clear it's still fine not to! We had been diagnosed with fertility issues and DH is an only child so I think she'd come to terms with not having grandchildren, so I understand her excitement, she actually told us she is taking early retirement so she can help with childcare, which is lovely of her and we generally have a good relationship. I think the thing that irked a little bit was that she was disapproving that my mum had done exactly the same to my brother, but then did the same herself, but I'm over it. Like PPs have said there are much worse MILs on here 😁

OP posts:
NotTakenUsername · 08/07/2018 17:14

Your mum didn’t do exactly the same to your brother though.
Unless your brother gave her a time after which she could post this, and she respected that.
I don’t know, I get people are funny about sm but it almost seems like at the moment it is fashionable to not announce. As a P.O. mentioned, it’s ‘classier’. I don’t know why people have Facebook if they don’t post things on it.

NotTakenUsername · 08/07/2018 17:14

Pp*

SoyDora · 08/07/2018 17:22

I’m 15 weeks with my third and haven’t announced any of mine on social media. MIL put something on her Facebook page last week but we’d already told the people we wanted to know and anyone else is welcome to find out through her page/me being tagged!

SoyDora · 08/07/2018 17:22

Ps congratulations!

SoyDora · 08/07/2018 17:25

I don’t know why people have Facebook if they don’t post things on it

I have Facebook because it’s useful for finding out info announcements about the DD’s clubs such as ballet/swimming etc, find out about local events that are happening to catch up with friends I don’t see and to occasionally post some photos. Doesn’t mean I have to announce my pregnancies on it. I just tell the people who I think would want to know Confused

NotTakenUsername · 08/07/2018 17:27

I just find it all a bit precious. No one cares that much unless you are close friends. Why would it matter? It’s not like you’re being pursued by the paparazzi. 🤷‍♀️

SoyDora · 08/07/2018 17:32

No one cares that much unless you are close friends

Well yeah, exactly. That’s why I don’t do an announcement, obviously Confused. I’ve told my close friends, so what’s the point in doing an announcement for the benefit of a load of people who don’t particularly care?

DappledThings · 08/07/2018 17:36

I just find it all a bit precious. No one cares that much unless you are close friends. Why would it matter? It’s not like you’re being pursued by the paparazzi

Exactly. So it doesn't matter either way. I didn't announce either time but if someone else had it wouldn't have mattered because I don't care to control my sm that much.

I actually liked other people telling other people because I hated making announcements of any kind, including face to face

NotTakenUsername · 08/07/2018 17:39

I wasn’t referring to your choice to ‘announce’ or not. I’m saying in general. If you don’t want to announce then don’t. But why be so precious about someone else announcing the huge life changing event coming up in their life? (Becoming an aunt/uncle/grandparent/etc).

Just because you own the bump doesn’t mean you own the news. Like I said, it’s a bit precious.