To not know what to do about social media and pregnancy

[FASH84]

I'm seventeen weeks, we've now told all close friends and family, and work are now also aware. I wasn't going to do a FB announcement, but MIL today put something on her FB wall (tagged me) about her grandchild 🙄. Everyone knows DH is an only child and there are still quite a few colleagues and general friends who don't know just because we haven't seen them. We'd asked for nothing on social media until work knew but she's taken the fact they now know as a green light to go mad. I've untagged myself. I didn't think I'd be that bothered but we'd had a chat about how my mum announced my brother's second before he did, and she agreed it should've been their news to share or not. I don't want to fall out with her, I think she's genuinely just super excited, but I suppose it makes me feel like I should say something on social media before some of our friends etc see her posts. Is there a way to do this that isn't hideously tacky???

Ah, the voice of reason! Welcome DappledThings!

I’m not precious about other people saying anything. Like I said, MIL put something on her Facebook and I couldn’t care less... people are welcome to find out through that.

My mum outed me on Facebook, I’m still cross with her about it now.

I’d not told a lot of people as we’ve had such a journey getting here and felt so anxious about it, so there’s no way I’d be putting anything on there. I’d been out for dinner with friends and they tagged me in pic and my Mum commented on it with something along the lines of bump coming along mama etc etc. I still had size 12 leather trousers on so it defs wasn’t 🤣. I made her delete it but it’d been there all day. Didn’t and haven’t put anything on myself a couple of people asked hubby. Don’t feel you have to. xx

Thanks all, sorry I wasn't clear she tagged me in one post which then shouted up on my feed, but there have been about a dozen today already on hers, think I'm just not going to mention it on mine unless someone asks, all the important people know already. I've changed my settings so I have to approve tags too.

It’s not your MIL’s fault you didn’t have your settings like that before this though, anyone who wants to be able to control whether someone is able to tag them in things that show up on their own timeline or not would have done that beforehand so she probably assumed if you didn’t want it to show on your page you’d have had your settings the way they are now already :)

Glad you’ve changed it now though. It’s risky business changing your settings so anyone can tag you in anything and it just shows up on your page straight away.

It’s risky business changing your settings so anyone can tag you in anything and it just shows up on your page straight away.

That was how my account default settings where when I opened. I had to opt out of this rather than opt in.

We had similar with our baby. We told friends etc but didn't put it on fb. A friend then tagged us in a photo, I had privacy settings so I had to approve, DH didn't. Cue awkward comments from distant family members we hadn't told. Slightly awkward.

It depends who your Facebook friends are. Mine are my actual friends, albeit some of them live miles away so I rarely see them. Therefore I would want them to know I was pregnant once 12 week scan was done. If you have loads of random as your 'friends' then you may not want to but then I don't understand why you want them as your 'friends'.
To turn it the other way around I wouldn't be Facebook friends with anyone I wouldn't want knowing about my pregnancy.

Mine are my actual friends, that’s why I don’t feel the need to tell them via Facebook. I tell them either face to face, over the phone, WhatsApp or text. The ones that aren’t close friends (for example parents of DC’s friends who have added me on there to arrange play dates etc) wouldn’t be particularly bothered anyway.

That’s not to say i mind them knowing (to be honest I don’t care who knows I’m pregnant, it tends to get fairly obvious after a point anyway!), I just don’t see the point in an announcement to them.

We told everyone we wanted in person, let mum and MIL phone around extended relatives with the news after 12 weeks, and ask them just not to mention anything on Facebook. Mainly because if something went wrong I didn't want to have to put it on there.

Everyone respected our wishes, and come the birth DH and I had our settings on lockdown, but again no one mentioned a thing until we'd done a post and announced. Again, we let the mothers have the job of calling extended family first. They were excited to do it and have their proud grandmother moment (and it was too much faff for us anyway, we had a newborn to look after!)

Our friend announced the pregnancy then went off social media until baby was born and everyone around knew (there was a bit of a lag due to family 'issues')

We did one announcement on f.b (no scan pic) at 26 weeks and one photo when he was born and nothing since then (he is 8 months now).

We decided we weren't putting pics of him on s.m for a couple of reasons- no big deal, just thought we had the opportunity not to start him an internet footprint so we didn't. Neither of us use s.m much anyway.

We set up a Whatsapp group for friends and family to keep up to date- usually post a few pics once a month or so. We explained why and that we were not putting pics up.
I am amazed that it has been really difficult to stop friends posting photos (taken irl) - at least 3 times I have had to ask people who are close to us to remove and untag pics of him.
It's turned what was a frothy non-issue into something very heavy because people need to "prove" themselves on social media.

I am 12+6 weeks, I’ve told people that are close to me, family and work knows but I wanted to share my news because after years of being ill, on dialysis and waiting for a kidney transplant, I’m now post transplant and a lot of my work colleagues want to celebrate in my news! I have wanted children since I met my husband 10 years ago. I feel that social media announcements can be done in a way which will be sophisticated. I would put it on social media but that maybe, I think because of everything I’ve been through, I thought this moment would never come for me (I want to shout it from the roof tops) ! Don’t judge me!