AIBU to think this is spiteful even if you do not like someone !!

[Nogymjustcake]

Hi,
Backstory is that my biological grandfather died quite young ( early 50's ) before I was born.
My nan met a man who was also widowed at a youngish age. They both had grown up children.
They have lived with one another for 27 years.
He is the only grandad I have known, always turned up to birthdays, special occasions.
We saw him regularly and he always saw us like his own.
Recently he lost his fight to a long on going disease.
Throughout this he still lived with nan and she cared for him.
The weeks leading up to his death he became to unwell for her ( now heading in to her 80's ) to look after.
The hospital said he would need to go in a hospice. His daughter refused this and took him to hers.
We have been waiting for funeral arrangements.
We were then initially told it was staking a while because they wanted him to be buried with his wife.
Then a few days later they hasn't text to say that they did not want my nan or the rest of the family to attend and that she was not invited and not welcome.

Yes, spiteful

Yes, that's terrible.

This is awful!! He’ll come back and haunt them, as we say should here only half jokingly.

Horrible and I bet they're panicking that he's left his money to her and not them

That's really really horrible.

Oh, that's horrible. Your poor gran.

Did she always have a bad relationship with the rest of his family? HAve they always been like this to her? Was she expecting this?

Wow, that's is truly horrible

The thing is how can she actually stop you from attending. No one can forbid you from entering God's home (Church).
I've never understood all that. You're invited not invited to a funeral.

Honestly I'd just turn up. Like I say realistically they can't stop you.

And that's why you need to get married and not just cohabit!
Yes it's terrible, sympathy to your family.

Regarding the last I don't know much !
I have been told that originally over 20 years ago when they first got together they did not like my nan.
It was due to him moving on I suppose and also the difference in financial backgrounds.
But that was over 20 years ago

Yes it's very nasty and mean. I don't think you actually need an invitation to a funeral - so you and your nan could go if you wanted to, but I suppose it might cause a scene.
Was you Nan his next of kin - or did he not name one ? if she is then she should be the one making the decisions about funeral arrangements. It seems very odd that children who were grownup when you grandparents got together should hold a grudge, when both parties were widowed when they met.

This is one of the greatest reasons why people should marry and not just live together. Such a sad and spiteful situation.

This happened to my previous neighbors. They had lived together for over 30 years but never married. After the man died, his son inherited the house and promptly evicted the 83yo woman. Terrible.

What's the difference in financial backgrounds op? Did he have the money or your nan?

And never mind what they say, they can't stop anyone attending.

So very sad and unbelievably spiteful. Your poor nan must be heartbroken. 🌺

Sorry for the loss of your grandad.
Something similar recently happened in our wider family (a very bitter divorce 45 years ago which still has ramifications for the children and grandchildren now). However a funeral is "public" and not sure his daughter can legally ban people from attending if they wish to do so. Is the daughter the executor of his will as well? She sounds very bitter and spiteful and you may have a battle on your hands at a time when you are all grieving for a loved one

Hideous behaviour. I'm sorry for your loss

Is she feeling bitter because your nan has inherited what she thinks should be hers and her siblings?

It's the only explanation I can think of. And does she even know what you and your family look like (did you have any contact while her dad was alive?) because otherwise how would she even know if you turned up the funeral? She can't stop you, anyway.

Yes so she and my bio grandad were working class - lived in social housing.
He had money due to investing in houses in London ( sold them all a few years ago now ) but was modest with money and the lived simply in a 2 bed small flat.
The only thing is my nan only has her pension and I know that he wouldn't of seen her ok.

So weirdly I never met her ( most of his family lived in a different country ) apart from her.
My sister, parents etc have all met her.

Would people please stop perpetuating the myth you can just turn up and be admitted. You can't if its in a private venue such a crematorium.

Churches are entirely different.

How awful for your nan sad

Vile people. I've heard similar many times sadly. Please let me suggest to all cohabiting couples, legalise your situation, especially if there are embittered relatives lurking offside.

Would of seen her ok even !

I am so sorry, if your nan is brave enough to go to the ceremony she should. But i can totally understand if she doesn't feel strong enough for the glances etc. 20 years is a long time to have been in someones life.

If she doesn't feel strong enough i would do something at the same day and time, go to his favourite place or their favourite place and treat it as a sort of remembrance.

I would also get a copy of the will just to make sure she's not been stitched up.

That's despicable.