AIBU to hate my boring husband?!!

[PickleLickle83]

I love a holiday, but my husband never wants to go on one and even the discussion of booking one turns into a massive row...AIBU to hate my husband and seriously consider booking a holiday to take the kids away without the boring f**ker to prove a point? He always blames money (we earn around £85k between us so not exactly poor!) What would you do, leave the boring git at home and go without him or just book the holiday with him included and just tell him that it's happening?!!!

I totally get it. DH focusses on the cost and decides it's not worth the money. But when he's there he enjoys it. I book every holiday and every year we go through this. The other issue is not liking to risk a new place in case it's a disappointment and so they focus on the cost as it doesn't seem like their issue. I think this is common with people who don't like change, dont like to spend unless they can do it comfortably and convinced that holidays are only one way to unwind. I don't think this is a serious relationship problem like other pp suggested. He might not even be that tight, just unimaginative and money focussed. I'd show him some options and make it clear where the money is coming from and that you are going with him if he doesn't moan, or on your own with the dcs if he does. 😀 Take charge and call out the miserable toad!

Rhubarb - He has the odd days off here and there, like we went to legoland for DD's birthday and we have been invited to stay at a house with friends for a few days so he has AL for that. He always has days off for the kids school things so he is good like that.

We always do things together as a family, or always try to make the most of weekends together as he isn't here during the week. Who wouldn't jump at 2 weeks on holiday??!!

Sometimes I wish dh would just book something spontaneous as we don’t really have the money and have so many other things we need so my practical head thinks we can’t go. Plus we have a one year old and may not be much of a holiday! If he just booked a trip I’d be over the moon though.

I've asked on the other two threads - in what way does your name indicate that you love Holidays?

Thank you Sheldon, you totally understand where I'm coming from 💖

He worries about anything to do with money, he watched his mum look after him and his brother single handed and worked 2 jobs to provide for them so I think he is just cautious with spending money in case our situation changes, which i totally get but still, its holiday to spend time with your family, why so much grief over it 😖

OMG Just book it for you and DC and go. Life is too short for all this anguish.

Please don't 'make memories.'

Even in school holidays it is possible to have trips away that don't break the bank.

For years we mainly did self-catering in the UK with walks and picnics and evening of playing Scrabble and card games. It's harder work than the pool/hotel/package sort of holiday - but even though I wasn't trying to 'make memories', there were some good experiences. And if there were also squabbles and rainy days, we hadn't blown thousands of pounds so didn't really get in too much of a state.

My dad hated going on holiday with us as kids, he either worked (during his Al) or stayed in his room reading being grumpy. As a kid I wished we could just go on holiday with my mum.

So from your kids' perspective don't take him if he's going to be a miserable git as it will ruin it for them anyway.

If he's worried about money, perhaps you could be less extravagant in your choices, isn't Disneyland about as expensive as it gets?!

I agree that you and dc shouldn't not have a holiday just because he thinks it's a waste of money but maybe you can agree on a holiday budget for each year that reasonable then you send it how you please, and if that is another big holiday like Disney then there's nothing left to do anything else.

Pickle you need to take some control. If you can afford an annual holiday it's madness not to have one. Great for DC to have a change of scene, experience new things and for you to have a good time.

DH used ot be very averse to going abroad and we always rowed. Now I just say: we're (DC and me) are planning to go to France in August from x-y dates. Would you like to joing us?' So he knows we;re going anyway.

If your DH doesn't want a break, that's fine (boring, daft but fine.) But he really can't impose a 'no fun' rule on the rest of the family. If you book self catering then if he changes his mind he can tag along. (And you still get a break with self catering if you just eat out or have take outs most nights, as it's a lot cheaper than all inclusive.

Just book a holiday. He can come or not, as he chooses. My DH loves holidays (we RV) and gets involved as far as the destinations but hates the planning stage (I love it) so I just present him with a fait accompli of routes, camping, and cost. I'm currently planning a cross-country RV trip to Disney World for next Spring and having a blast doing it.

Do you think his holiday aversion has anything to do with being gone from home so much? Maybe home feels like a 'holiday' to him after spending so much time away from it.

My DPs a boring git as well, so I just go on holidays without him. I like active/adventure holidays though, so I do those on my own as you always meet people there. He does come on weekend breaks though.
When the baby comes I guess we’ll be doing more UK family type holidays and I’m sure he’ll be more inclined towards them. Those are my personal versions of hell though, I’ve been on a few with my sister and her kids.

YNBU to want a holiday. YNBU to get fed up of your DH moaning.

But I do think YBVU to say that you hate him (rather than hating his behaviour or hating the situation) because of this.

You can see where the anxiety about money comes from (watching his mum struggling to bring up him and his brother), have said that he's a good Dad (take days off for the kid's school things and does family stuff at weekends) and isn't completely tight (LEGOLAND won't have been cheap) so please don't let frustration fester into resentment and hatred.

Find a holiday that you and your kids would enjoy but that won't break the bank, plan it, book it and then present it to your DH as a fait accompli. Invite him to join you (hopefully he will), but if he chooses not to then you and the kids will still have a great time anyway.

It's not about you being a teacher. He has children. Who will be stuck on the same limiting holiday dates as you.

He shouldn't and couldn't be taking the children out of term time on holidays anyway if it's about money and the cost of holidays during break times.

Tell him you're going with the kids: give him 24 hours to say yes or no as to whether you're booking him to go with you or not. Then book it. If he moans, he can make his own way to where you're going if he misses the deadline to say yes and he doesn't have a seat on the plane, on the train, ferry, or what have you.

Just book it! Sod him.
Life is to short to not enjoy it! X

Just do it, you know he will come and enjoy it.

Book the hols I would, then go without him if he declines to join.
Might be better all round

I think you should book a holiday if you want one. You should acknowledge that the fudamental difference in attitude to going somewhere else is because you spend approx 365 days there and he is only clocking in for just over a hundred-ish (depending how Easter and Christmas fall )Does he go to the same place workwise? Or does the destination vary? He might want to appreciate and enjoy the fruits of his labour for more than 48 hours at a time - you understandably would like to be reinvigorated by a change of scenery. I don’t believe either viewpoint is without merit. Attitude to money would be my issue with this situation. Send us a postcard x

Book a holiday, somewhere where your DH can choose to come (or not) and if in the UK and he does come along he can come home if he really hates it.

How old are your kids? My DH didn't want to do holidays when our kids were younger as it thought it would be as stressful as normal life tended to be so was a waste of money. I get where he was coming from so just went camping and to Haven until the youngest was about 7 then we have done Florida, New York, Rhodes. I don't really think holidays are a necessity to be honest and if he doesn't enjoy them then just go on your own. As long as he takes annual leave and you all spend enough time together as a family (even if that is days out and time at home) then I don't see the issue.

My DP won't go abroad for holidays so if I want to I just go with friends or relatives. We've spent lots of holidays in this country and they are all the same boring old thing every time. He's quite happy for me to book a holiday without him.

He sounds just like my DH. Is he tight in other ways?

I would go, paid by your wage- you dont need to miss out of anything because of him.

I can’t get excited about a holiday 12 months away.

Never mind next year, get a holiday booked for this Summer, you will find something.

He worries about anything to do with money, he watched his mum look after him and his brother single handed and worked 2 jobs to provide for them so I think he is just cautious with spending money in case our situation changes, which i totally get but still, its holiday to spend time with your family, why so much grief over it

My dh has a level of anxiety over money. The bizarre thing is that the more we have the worse it's made him. When we were in our first house and living month to month he was fine. He needs to get a grip and move on from the past, you can't take it with you and you only live once.