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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

breakfast woes

61 replies

tryagainsardines · 08/07/2018 10:55

Ok, so need a little help here to see if I was unreasonable!
I have some friends that are moving away and to say goodbye I wanted to take them out for breakfast. I chose breakfast as it's usually quieter and I have a DC, they also have 2 DC under 3. It's a bit more manageable to go earlier. Funds are quite tight right now and breakfast is a cheaper option (I didn't tell them this- I wanted to treat them as their leaving gift).
I invited them to this, checked it was a suitable day/time and booked a table for 11am. They were happy with this. I have arranged to do stuff previously at an earlier time (eg 9/10am) but I was told it's always too much hard work to get ready that early. Fair enough.
I get a message yesterday saying they had the boiler man coming over and could we make it 11 30am and looking forward to seeing you for lunch. I messaged them letting them know it was no problem, as breakfast is served til 12.30.
Eh, with the half hour difference it's much closer to lunch but also, lunch is really quite expensive.
So of course, we get there and when the guy comes to take our order, me and DP order our breakfast and they both order off the lunch menu. Her DH ordered a £32 steak :( I didn't feel I could say anything because it would have been so awkard. I also didn't know the price of it as I hadn't looked at the lunch menu. Anyway, I paid the bill and was more than a bit upset.
The DH then shows me some photos of them in a cafe having breakfast THAT morning (So much for not being able to get out of the house early!!)
I feel like I don't want to see them again as they engineered it to suit them. AIBU?

OP posts:
Bobbiepin · 08/07/2018 11:02

Did they know you were paying?

BigCarrot · 08/07/2018 11:05

May have been because breakfast was a bit late for them at 11am if they're up early? I would have found that a bit late as we're up at around 7am and have lunch at 12/ 1. Perhaps they were being polite and didn't want to say.

Celebelly · 08/07/2018 11:10

If they knew you were paying and ordered one of the most expensive things on the menu, that's CFery at its finest!

Even if they usually have breakfast earlier (I think most people do!) they could have just had a light one knowing they were going out. Plus that doesn't seem to be an issue if they had already gone out for breakfast and then the husband polished off a £32 steak for lunch!

BiteyShark · 08/07/2018 11:11

11 is way to late for me to have breakfast. If you wanted to pay for only breakfast you should have said that or made it at a more normal breakfast time so it was obvious.

ProudThrilledHappy · 08/07/2018 11:14

Ordering a £32 steak off the menu when someone else is paying is a cf thing to do, especially if the hosts are eating a much cheaper breakfast

My general rule is to order to the same value as the host, may just be me though

ElderflowerWaterIsDelish · 08/07/2018 11:14

Moral of the story here now you know what they are like is don't offer to pay again. If you want to treat them to a meal order in something and eat it at your house or cook them a meal...

They sound cheeky, too early to meet you yet they could go out for breakfast themselves, sounds like they were trying to stretch it until lunch time so they would get a free lunch out of you..

In future if you treat anyone, say before they order what you will and won't pay , so they don't go over budget and order the expensive stuff

notsolittlegrebe · 08/07/2018 11:14

I don't think it's unreasonable of them to order from the lunch menu but ordering a £32 steak when someone else is paying is not nice (unless you know your friend are absolutely minted, of course).

Waitingonasmiley42 · 08/07/2018 11:15

Did they know you were paying??

Celebelly · 08/07/2018 11:15

Can people honestly just not have a light breakfast first thing as a one-off special occasion if you're going out for breakfast/lunch later?! Most people have breakfast before 11am but occasionally I meet friends for a late breakfast so just eat a light snack earlier if I'm hungry.

That said, I don't think it was necessarily rude of them to order off lunch menu if it was something reasonable like a panini or something like that instead of actual breakfast. But the steak thing is horrendously rude.

Celebelly · 08/07/2018 11:16

And yes, cynical me says there was no boiler man and they just wanted to delay a bit after their cafe breakfast so they'd get a decent lunch too.

BiteyShark · 08/07/2018 11:20

Oops hadn't spotted the £32 steak. Yes that's cheeky and he probably only ordered that because you were paying.

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 08/07/2018 11:20

I'd think 11am would be brunch at best. Had you really not eaten until then?!

It sounds like you knew that they wouldn't do breakfast; for whatever reason, and so booked it as late as possible and they moved it back.

But if they knew you were paying; £32 for a lunch steak is really cheeky.

ferntwist · 08/07/2018 11:24

Thank goodness they’re moving away. That’s all really cheeky

MatildaTheCat · 08/07/2018 11:24

They sound horrible because they lied to you and manipulated you into buying an expensive meal. I guess DH saw the pics on social media in which case I would definitely add a comment about the boiler man and possibly the breakfast invitation which oddly became lunch.

It’s hard to find anything nice about this or to excuse it.

ILoveMyDressingGown · 08/07/2018 11:51

If they're moving away it doesn't really matter if they get arsey with you so you might as well comment on their fb post about the boiler man, the breakfast-cum-lunch and the £32 steak (£32??!! I'd definitely have said something at the time about that though if they knew you were paying).

snowsun · 08/07/2018 12:06

Perhaps the plumber came at 10.00 so popping out for breakfast was easily doable.
They may have been hungry and had no food as they are moving away. So eating out is the only option.
Was it made clear breakfast was the only option ?
However I wouldn't order such an expensive course if someone else was paying.
He may have not thought.
Your emotion of not being able to afford a hefty bill is effecting how you feel about what happened. They wouldn't have realised this and so isn't part of the story or situation about what happened.

Original poster
tryagainsardines · 08/07/2018 12:18

They knew we were paying because once I told them the details, I wrote it all down and said it was our treat.
I also specified breakfast citing the "it's less busy" reason.
I didn't know the steak cost £32 at the time as we were supposed to be looking at the breakfast menu.
As for having breakfast at 11, I suggested that time because previously they have had a hard time getting ready before then. I tried to make it as simple as possible but they engineered it to suite them.
If they had said we wanted lunch I would have chosen somewhere less expensive. That option was given to them when I suggested we take them out.

OP posts:
Walkingdeadfangirl · 08/07/2018 12:31

They could have engineered it or it could just be lack of communication. If someone invited me out for 11/11:30 for food I would have had breakfast first, no way could 2 DC have waited until then to eat.

Also you told them it was a treat and I would usually look for a 'treat' on the menu, not the cheapest option.

You should have been up front with them that money was tight and you could only order off the cheaper menu. How where they to know you were trying to engineer a 'cheap' treat?

StepBackNow · 08/07/2018 12:38

I'd have to say something. Tell them you feel they took advantage as they had breakfasted elsewhere.

PinkHeart5914 · 08/07/2018 12:42

I think it’s a bit weird to say to someone I’m taking you out, it’s our treat etc etc and then not like what they order. In my friendship group we often treat each other for various reasons but it’s a treat on me/them without rules about what you can/cant order.

You didn’t tell them money was tight and that’s why you were doing breakfast, people aren’t mind readers. These people are friends so you could easily of said, money is a bit tight at the moment but I’d love to treat you before you move so can I take you for breakfast.

Ansumpasty · 08/07/2018 12:42

YANBU, ordering that steak is cheeky as hell, never mind pretending they can’t get out the house early and then going for breakfast.
I don’t think I’ve ever ordered a £32 in my life for myself, even when I’m paying. Who were they, Kim and Kanye

Original poster
tryagainsardines · 08/07/2018 12:45

walkingdead
I wasn't trying to "engineer" a cheap breakfast. I invited them out for breakfast which we all agreed to before hand. I checked that they wanted first before I booked the table. I didn't expect anyone to not eat before hand if they needed to.
Yes a treat. A treat from the bloody breakfast menu.
Wish I hadn't bothered

OP posts:
Original poster
tryagainsardines · 08/07/2018 12:49

pinkheart
If someone said they were treating me to breakfast I would order off the breakfast menu...wouldn't you?

OP posts:
Celebelly · 08/07/2018 12:56

Christ, if someone offered to pay for my meal at all I'd be v grateful, and I certainly wouldn't take the piss by ordering a v expensive steak when it was abundantly clear I'd been invited out for breakfast. The 'treat' is that the other person is paying for your meal - most people with common manners and decency don't take that as carte blanche to order incredibly expensive meals at someone else's expense. Or so I thought! It's the height of rudeness. If I want the finest steak on the menu, I buy it myself.

If 11 o'clock was too late for them to go to breakfast and they couldn't possibly have managed a small meal earlier before being treated to a one-off late breakfast by friends without wilting away, then they could have said. But most people I know (thankfully) would have put on their adult pants, had a snack earlier if they were hungry, ordered something sensible from the menu and been bloody grateful that someone had offered to take them out and pay for it.

CFers. Just be glad they're moving away.

longwayoff · 08/07/2018 13:03

You will be well rid of this pair of freeloading CFs. I am feeling irrationally furious on your behalf and plotting revenge, must be the heat. . .

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