To think love is an action?

[crunchymint]

Hear so many people saying they love someone or that their partner loves them, and I think well there is no sign of that love then. It is so easy to tell someone you love them, but this is meaningless.
Real love is an action. It is thinking about the other person and doing things for them. Treating them as important and valuable. If someone says they love you but don't show it, it is not real love.
AIBU?

gareth, In fairness I have not called any one names. I have said I don’t agree with premise
So actually what is so intolerable to other posters that I don’t think love is a verb
What provokes their strong reactions

It is thinking about the other person and doing things for them. Treating them as important and valuable

I went out with a lovely woman for 10 months, and I did all those things.

But after 10 months I ended it, because I didn't love her.

You don't have to love someone to treat them decently.

No you don't. But if you don't treat someone decently, you certainly do not love them.

Lipstick, I think you're just pretending to be obtuse. I agree with you about love having nothing to do with crap about Pandora bracelets, rings, shared money, showy gestures. DP and I are decidedly not coupley (wouldn't dream of even holding hands in public ). Moreover, we have never told one another we love one another, despite having been together (have kept our own houses, so do not properly live together) for six years.

However, I love him more than I have ever loved anyone, my DC excepted, and he knows this because I do nice, kind, thoughtful things for him; things that make his life easier/nicer; things that I know will make him laugh - above and beyond the nice things I would, and do, do for my friends. As he does for me. This is what the OP is talking about, though you know that.

But if you generally treat someone like shit, buying them a big sloppy card and an expensive gift on their birthday does not mean you really love them.....

But you can also just be a decent person , treat everyone with respect etc and not necessarily love them. I think love is a cocktail of many things and the ingredients are different for everyone.

No pretence in the least, I simply don’t agree with the hallmark channel sentimentality
Love isn’t a verb,love isn't a noun.
Notions is worthy of a greetings card

Another one who thinks holding hands in public is rank.
I was horrified at my friend SNOGGING her husband after they were pronounced married.
There were CHILDREN present and everything-how inappropriate!
I no longer go to weddings, it makes me feel ill!
My kids may need therapy, but I just think if you love someone you are happy to quietly have it. You don't need to seek attention from all of Facebook to try and fulfil that need, or have a million guests and doves.

Op, you sound very much like someone has let you down. Why don’t you ask a more specific question?
I’m sure MN will be kind and helpful

Love isn’t a verb,love isn't a noun.

Yes it is - it's both!

Well I’m sure that’ll be replicated in a greeting card,maybe Instagram with a unicorn

No one has let me down. I am very happy.

So what prompted the thread is there a backstory op

Perhaps the way classical philosophy says it will help clarify: Love is a (practiced and habituated) disposition to act for the true good of the beloved.

No hallmark, just good old fashioned virtues.

Can’t beat Aristotle
Love is a personal state,and demeanour,keeping someone in regard with no malice

Love is a feeling, actions help to stimulate that feeling.

YABU to suggest there is no feeling to love.

YABU to suggest there is no feeling to love Whom are addressing

As I wrote on another post, I have been diagnosed with 2 types of cancer. My husband has showed me love with every action and I have fallen in love with him all over again. He changed his workday in order to take me to chemo. He has taken over cooking while I am weak. He has stepped up to help in all areas. I truly am blessed to have him.

Also the idea that love can be a noun only really comes from the distortion of the idea that love is a feeling. If love is a feeling then yes it’s a noun. But it’s not a feeling. It’s a disposition to act, so properly speaking a verb “to love” in its infinitive form. I love you, is a complete sentence, with a subject object and verb. What the sentence “I love you” expresses is the disposition to act even if that disposition is not being acted upon at that very moment.

Now virtue can be used as a noun but that is because we tend to express virtues as being “possessed” rather than what they actually are which is practiced. Honesty is treated as a noun but when we say someone is honest, what we mean is that when they communicate they do not attempt to deceive or rather that they attempt to communicate truely. The same again for if we call someone courageous. We say they have courage, but we don’t mean they possess a certain thing that is courageous, we mean that faced with situations of danger and fear they are able to master their fear and continue to act as they ought rather than act in fear.

When people talk of love as a feeling mostly what they mean is that love is passion. But it is not, it is possible for love to persist beyond passion. They may also mean love is excitement, or contentment or any one of a number of feelings, but what this fails to account for is that it is possible to love someone even if you have no feelings. Even if you resent them, or if you are feeling trapped.

A spouse who cares for their sick and dying spouse may feel disgusted by their lack of bodily control, and may feel repulsed by the smell or by any one of a number of sensations, but still love the person they care for. It is possible to love someone even when you feel nothing good towards them.

What this also means is that love fundamentally begins as a decision, rather than a feeling. This also means that marriage vows make more sense- you are deciding, in effect, to love someone forever- to decide to habitually desire their good until death do you part.

hiddenmnetter I think I love you a bit for that post .

Acts of service may be your primary love language, but that wont be true of everyone. You show love in that way because when someone does it to you you feel loved. But its not the only language.
Acts of service.
Physical.
Words of affirmation.
Gifts.
Time.
All will make certain people feel loved. My dad would buy presents. It didnt make his dc feel loved but whenever we gave him presents he felt love. A packet of thorntons toffees or a jigsaw from the charity shop. It didnt have to be flashy, or even right. If we tried and got it wrong then he still felt loved.

Like your post,hidden.love is a choice it’s cognitive and emotional
But predominantly we are sold notion love is a helpless state
Often cheaters will say can’t help whom you fall in love with.actually you can
Love s wonderful and it can manifest in many ways,not solely marriage
Marriage is a social construct that creates a framework for behaviour and emotions

@ilovemyMIL that's beautiful.

Those teenagers were coming from a place of peer pressure, herd mentality and insecurity in themselves. It was nothing to do with you.

Another one who thinks holding hands in public is rank.
I was horrified at my friend SNOGGING her husband after they were pronounced married.
There were CHILDREN present and everything-how inappropriate!
I no longer go to weddings, it makes me feel ill!

Gosh. That's a lot.

I know Roll. I've had to lie down at the thought of it all.
Seriously, I hate public affection, always have from when I saw my parents holding hands once. Totally horrified by it-I'd be so ashamed to do that. Get my reaction isn't typical but don't see why we have to see it!