To think love is an action?

[crunchymint]

Hear so many people saying they love someone or that their partner loves them, and I think well there is no sign of that love then. It is so easy to tell someone you love them, but this is meaningless.
Real love is an action. It is thinking about the other person and doing things for them. Treating them as important and valuable. If someone says they love you but don't show it, it is not real love.
AIBU?

You're pretty horrid Lipstick why don't you go off and piss on someone else's chip?

I’m simply asking the op to explain her premise,how love is showed
I presume it’s something she can elaborate upon
I think the general notion of love is commoditised and v stereotypical

@IlovemyMIL that's lovely, you're a lucky woman

I’d be a grumpy defensive mare too if my relationship was like his/hers parklives.

Must be awful seeing examples of real love when your own life shows no sign of it.

lipstick, go ask your DP for a hug, might make you feel a bit happier

With simple fucking human kindness lipstick, that’s how.

If your relationship is lacking it and it’s making you narky it’s not the fault of OP or anyone else posting on this otherwise perfectly easy to understand thread.

No one has mentioned marriage, or “trinkets”, don’t be a GF.

You're pretty horrid Lipstick why don't you go off and piss on someone else's chip
Oh the irony you point out my alleged shortcomings (horrid apparently) by making derisory comments
So,upon considering your suggestion. No,I won’t piss off.but thanks for that

So early on when I was with my partner, he came to collect me after work. I finished work at 8pm then, but we were supposed to be going out together somewhere. But when he arrived I had found the alarm would not set and I would have to stay there until the alarm engineer came which could be hours. He insisted on staying and found a flake in his bag that we shared. That was showing that he cared.

LipstickHandbagCoffee, well what makes you more than housemates that fuck each other? Is it just exclusivity?

@crunchymint A man that has chocolate in his bag is a keeper.

I have in no way said there is an absence of kindness or regard in my relationship

That’s your assumption,your leap. But I’m not particularly coupley
I don’t define myself by being in a relationship, I have never wanted to get married for example
I’m waiting on op elaborating on what constitutes showing love
What is interesting is how quickly some of you have surmised I’m not showing love or in love. As if there’s a ticklist,how it should be done

I remember in the early days with an ex, we were both out with separate friends a train journey from where we lived. I suddenly got a bad migraine, texted to tell him I’d left early and was heading home. I then puked badly on the train. He left where he was early so he could meet me at the station and met me on the platform with tissues, gum and a bottle of water.

I remember feeling properly loved and cared for that he’d rushed to meet me and get me home safely as comfortable as possible with absolutely no fuss. It meant a lot. Not expensive, not at all sexy, no one else knew, but it was thoughtful and kind and exactly what I needed.

I agree OP.

Oh and I are not into "showy"love, but her will do little things that make me think I am loved.
He will scrape my car windscreen on a frosty morning as well as his own before he goes to work, he buys me food items that I love and leaves them in the fridge, he will put fresh towels out for me if I start to run a bath. He makes me my evening herbal tea and brings it through.

Lots of little things done silently, without announcing or being asked.

If you go by the definition of "showing love" as trinkets and planning parties etc then my H never shows his love! But I think that's a very shallow view of loving gestures.

For me it's in the little things. Notes left for me. A beautiful photo collage he made me. The way he fills my water bottle every night and puts it in the fridge because he knows I like cold water when I get up at the crack of arse every morning. Ironing my clothes when I have an important meeting without me asking because he knows I'm truly appalling at ironing and get het up when I do it. De-icing my car for me when he's up and out to work first. Putting my toothbrush on to charge when I've forgotten. Taking the kids to the park first thing then on to breakfast and making them creep out of the back door to let me sleep when I've been up studying all night after a full day at work and then an evening spent cheering on one of the DC at some event or other. Lots and lots of little things, some very trivial, some less so, which make me feel very loved. And I do the same kind of thing for him.

YANBU OP. Love is action. Not words or stuff. It's the hugs, the going out of your way to make life better and putting the other person first sometimes.

Love, love is a verb,
Love is a doing word

I came on here to post exactly that.

I agree that simple everyday thoughtful caring gestures are what demonstrates love, not showy gifts or big showy surprises. For examp,3 the other week DH was going to the pub with a friend. Before he went out he did the washing up and sorted the bins for next morning’s collection so I wouldn’t have to do it.

I don’t have to demonstrate what makes us more than housemates that fuck each other
If an external other deemed it to be that,I’m not going to knock myself out to disprove
Love , It’s not a ticklist,it’s not a possession,it’s not showy. It’s an emotional state
What makes me happy?being held in regard,consistency,my career,my kids,my partner

The Human League would agree with you OP.

"I have in no way said there is an absence of kindness or regard in my relationship "

Have you timed traveled here? It sounds like a statement an 18th Century Wife would make.

I have in no way said there is an absence of kindness or regard in my relationship
What bit don’t you understand?

I agree OP.

Tonight DH poured me a G&T ready for when I got out of the shower, absent mindedly rubbed my feet whilst we were chatting on the sofa, and has just gone upstairs to check on the kids before getting the bedroom ready! Love that man!

Love is absolutely an action. It is doing, the small things.
My ExH would say he loved me, but it was total rubbish, humiliatingly so. Slept around, no support, put me down, treated the kids like dirt. Love? I don't think so.
Only now I know what it isn't, would I recognise it if I saw it.

Yanbu. A cup of tea can speak volumes

LipstickHandbagCoffee my DH rarely buys me flowers and it's been years since he's bought me any jewellery but he rings me on his lunch break to chat about our mornings and when I was struggling with PND he came home from work with chocolate and sat through endless episodes of my favourite sitcom cuddling me and never once complained.

He also gets up with kids both mornings at the weekend because he knows lie ins mean more to me than him and I have been up with the baby. These may not be grand gestures but they are loving ones.

everyone else in this thread gets what the OP means. Why are you so defensive?

Sure, actions show you love someone.

But as a language teacher, I have to point out that love is a noun as well as a verb.