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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be a little bit jealous

55 replies

orange7484 · 07/07/2018 13:17

A girl/woman I used to be friends with as a child is getting married today. We lost touch a long time ago but I still have her on Facebook. The whole process has been shared with the world, from the proposal, the dress shopping, the five hen dos and now the wedding day.

She was always the perfect girl, the one everyone wanted to be friends with, good at everything she tried, amazing family, pretty, the teachers' favourite and eventually, the one all the guys wanted to date. She is now marrying an equally perfect guy, who is basically her male equivalent.

She's having a huge wedding and I can't help but feel a little jealous today. I know it's irrational, but I suppose I feel not much has changed from childhood, while my life is just a bit crap. Has anyone else ever felt this way?

OP posts:
Pengggwn · 07/07/2018 13:22

No, but I'm sure people feel that way about me.

Kidding. 😂

Are the things you don't like about your life things you could change?

SheerKhan · 07/07/2018 13:25

Five hen dos?

ReadingRiot · 07/07/2018 13:26

But her perfect wedding's going to be ruined by the football Wink

Seriously you can't judge anyone's life from FB, she doesn't post all the times she's cried herself to sleep because he's been an arse, the rows she had with her mum over the guest list, that they're in debt for 100 years because of the cost.... You get the idea

Original poster
orange7484 · 07/07/2018 13:30

Yes, five hen dos :s @SheerKhan :s One out clubbing, one afternoon tea with friends/female family members, one with work friends, one spa day and one weekend in Ibiza :s

OP posts:
lecossaise · 07/07/2018 13:32

Your clearly no longer friends (if you're not at the 5 hen dos or the wedding), and following her brings you negative feelings, so stop following her?

ThunderInMyHeart · 07/07/2018 13:32

I feel you, OP. I have similar friends.

But, as PPs have rightly pointed out, you don’t know the bad bits.

Comparison is the thief and all that

AWomanIsAnAdultHumanFemale · 07/07/2018 13:33

The whole process has been shared with the world, from the proposal, the dress shopping, the five hen dos and now the wedding day.

5 hen dos?? Urgh. What’s to be jealous of??

lecossaise · 07/07/2018 13:33

*you're, apologies! Shock

AWomanIsAnAdultHumanFemale · 07/07/2018 13:34

Don’t worry OP, I bet one of her bridesmaids turns up with pink hair and she spends the day with a face like a slapped arse. Grin

GuntyMcGee · 07/07/2018 13:34

Don't be sucked in to thinking that her life is perfection. If it was that good, she wouldn't need to share every single moment on Facebook for validation from others.

It's very easy to see what others post and think their life is perfect, for 99% of adults it's not. We always try to show our best selves in social media don't we? Like I wouldn't post a pic of me looking like I usually do - no makeup, hair a birds nest and in pyjamas most days - I'd only post when I'd made an effort. I wouldn't post the times I'm out doing something interesting or somewhere special. I don't post my usual life, which is say on my arse in my pig sty home, watching tv and generally being a boring arse.

The only thing you should take from it all is that she's a show off and her wedding is going to be no better than anyone else's.

YANBU to feel a little sad for what may have been, but you really mustn't dwell too much on it.

NotANaturalBlonde · 07/07/2018 13:42

Anyone who has five hen dos isn't someone I'd want to friends with! 🚫

Iwasjustabouttosaythat · 07/07/2018 13:48

I think you should delete her. Sounds like you’ve been watching her and comparing yourself to her for a really long time.

trickyboots · 07/07/2018 13:54

Why do you think she needs to publicise all that on Facebook? Like really? Deep down? She has/does all that and still desperate for more validation? When I get jealous, I try count my blessings more.

ReservoirDogs · 07/07/2018 14:02

I agree - her "perfect" wedding may be deemed to be spoiled by the football unless she is a massive football fan. for me it would be a bonus!

Idontbelieveinthemoon · 07/07/2018 14:04

Ooh no, don't believe her FB hype.

Also, try and deactivate your FB for a week every now and then when you feel stuff like this getting to you. It's good for the soul.

Mercurial123 · 07/07/2018 14:13

If you were a close friend you would also know what else was going on in her life. Everyone knows FB shows the edited bits in a person's life concentrate on yourself and what makes you happy.

Calvinlookingforhobbs · 07/07/2018 14:22

I genuinely do think some people thought that about me. And I felt that their envy meant I was living the dream. It took me the good years my 20s to pack my bags and go search for MY happiness and not be defined by others idea of it.

Liverbird77 · 07/07/2018 14:25

I had zero hen dos. I love my husband very much and he me. Please try not to be jealous of what might be a pretty construct with no substance.

MinisterforCheekyFuckery · 07/07/2018 14:27

Five hen do's sounds like my idea of hell!

I am always deeply sceptical of people who post every detail of their seemingly "perfect" lives on social media. If you were genuinely happy and content with your lot then why would you be craving the attention and approval of casual acquaintances that you hardly see in real life?

Delete her or unfriend her or whatever it is. You aren't really friends as such anymore and following her on social media just seems to be making you unhappy. Why do it to yourself?

AnastasiaVonBeaverhausen · 07/07/2018 14:32

Those with perfect lives are out there living them, not sharing every heartbeat on social media. Honestly there will be something not right. In the meantime, take a deep breath, mentally wish her well on her wedding day and walk away from the social media. I love my life, I don't share much on FB but even I find that scrollit through regularly can have a negative impact on my mental health. I just don't think it's really natural to have that much insight into other people's lives - even though it's a very heavily edited insight.

BoxsetsAndPopcorn · 07/07/2018 14:33

I'd not be jealous of that, five hen dos, wedding plans for a gazillion years and a huge wedding means the whole focus is on her big day rather than the marriage vows.

People who live their lives on FB and often insecure and feel the need for external validation.

DuchyDuke · 07/07/2018 14:35

Perfect exteriors often hide a maggot infested interior underneath.

AWomanIsAnAdultHumanFemale · 07/07/2018 14:36

I know someone who posts all this great stuff and gushes about how much her partner means to her. They’ve had a fantastic family holiday and celebrated family events. All smiles and love. The reality is she has been having an affair for months. She has secretly rented a new apartment to leave him and when it all comes out, there will be huge consequences for her child. Of course, none of that will be posted on FB. It will be totally glossed over and given a glitter coating.

flopsyrabbit1 · 07/07/2018 14:41

nothing to be jealous of

seriously 5 hen do's

big OTT wedding

she sounds like hardwork/spoilt and all about her and her wants

also i can imagine that she is consumed by the latest this and that,wants everything popular,kids will have to be the best/best schools etc etc etc

no i wouldnt want to be her or her life

lasttimeround · 07/07/2018 14:42

Life is never perfect. When someone gets under my skin like this i mute them on fb. Some people just get our sore spots despite the fact that you know shes not a person for you because you arent in touvh anymore.