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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be a little bit jealous

55 replies

orange7484 · 07/07/2018 13:17

A girl/woman I used to be friends with as a child is getting married today. We lost touch a long time ago but I still have her on Facebook. The whole process has been shared with the world, from the proposal, the dress shopping, the five hen dos and now the wedding day.

She was always the perfect girl, the one everyone wanted to be friends with, good at everything she tried, amazing family, pretty, the teachers' favourite and eventually, the one all the guys wanted to date. She is now marrying an equally perfect guy, who is basically her male equivalent.

She's having a huge wedding and I can't help but feel a little jealous today. I know it's irrational, but I suppose I feel not much has changed from childhood, while my life is just a bit crap. Has anyone else ever felt this way?

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 07/07/2018 14:46

I agree stop following or friending her on line. Stop looking at what she does. Comparison is the thief of joy. There will always be others with more than you and others with less than you.

Focus on your own life. What makes you think it is a little bit crap?

Ellie56 · 07/07/2018 14:46

Five hen dos is totally OTT and ridiculous. Hmm

I would stop following her OP. She sounds very shallow. And her life can't all be sweetness and light. There have to be crappy bits as well. She just doesn't bother posting about them.

InfiniteVariety · 07/07/2018 14:47

You've lost touch since childhood so all you know about her is what you see on Facebook, where people edit their lives to display the version of themselves they want others to believe.

So I'm saying: You know none of it's real don't you?

wizzywig · 07/07/2018 14:49

It must be hard having to do 5 hen dos to make everyone happy. Still its way too hot for a wedding plus footballs on

timeisnotaline · 07/07/2018 14:49

5 hen dos?? That is not a perfect life!

Cantusethatname · 07/07/2018 14:52

Tell you what OP.
If you're not watching the football watch Black Mirror "Nosedive" on Netflix. It will cheer you up hugely I promise.

Tanaqui · 07/07/2018 14:53

I think it is unfair to criticise her- some of the previous posters seem a bit mean; maybe she has lots of friends and a busy social life, posts on Facebook and is also a lovely person who is kind and generous- those things aren’t mutually exclusive! But we are all different, and comparison is the thief of joy; so, just enjoy your life and Alma ken it as fun for you as you can.

Tanaqui · 07/07/2018 14:54

Alma ken????? Make it!

Pengggwn · 07/07/2018 14:54

I don't think there is any call to slag the woman off based on how many hen dos she had.

Ellisandra · 07/07/2018 14:55

I don’t see the point in posters running this woman down.
5 hen dos? I’m not even having one. But am I going to make snidey comments about her 5? No.
Maybe she has 5 groups of friends as described, and they all wanted to celebrate with her.

I’m always Hmm at comments that those posting on fb aren’t actually out living life (clearly she is) or they must be hiding all manner of shit.

Nope - some people are both happy and lucky. And some of them are heavy fb users.

I don’t blame you for feeling envious. I would to! But don’t stoop to this nonesense about maggot infested cores Hmm

I’d drop the friendship if you’re no longer friends. And use this to think about any changes YOU want and can make.

But otherwise, allow yourself the jealousy, then let it go. Good luck to her. Why can’t people just be happy for happy people?

Ellisandra · 07/07/2018 14:58

Actually, I’ve declined to have a hen do, but I’ve just done a mental count up of friends who have tried to persuade me. I’m not overly social or popular, just normal.
I could have had a meet up with; work, NCT mums, family, school mums, old friends from a town I moved away from. There you go: 5.
What a bitch I’d have been if I’d decided to take up offers from friends who were happy for me and like any excuse for a night out!

JayRayDay · 07/07/2018 14:58

Use your jealousy to work out what you want to change about your own life.

TheHandmaidsTail · 07/07/2018 15:02

My bfriend from school got engaged same time as me. She got engaged in the tropics on a white sand beach in the surf, i got a half arsed proposal in the local.

She booked a chapel on an island Shock with it's own friggin moat. Much prettier, thinner and richer than me. I booked a far more usual reception location.

I was so worried about friends going to both and me coming off worse and my DM said "but if you want a moat you need to marry Dave. The husband is the only thing that matters" And she was completely right!

And bf didn't get married in the end, she had felt obliged to agree due to the massive proposal. Just goes to show Smile

SchadenfreudePersonified · 07/07/2018 15:07

Five hen dos?

My first thought too, Sherekhan

Bluelady · 07/07/2018 15:09

My proposal, such as it was, was in bed. I didn't have a hen do. Our wedding reception was around 50 family and friends, held in our house and garden. It was more than 18 years ago and we're probably happier now than we were on that day. None of the trimmings matter, it's the marriage that's important.

LynetteScavo · 07/07/2018 15:18

Yeah, I grew up with Meghan Markle. I know exactly how you feel.

Coyoacan · 07/07/2018 15:28

I, personally, am always glad when people I love or am fond of have a good life, but it is true that we don't know what is happening under the surface. A friend's dd, whom I have known since she was 8, moved to Australia, married a lovely man and has a beautiful little girl. From facebook it all looked perfect and I was delighted, but it turns out she had PMD and then recently has had to have back surgery. So very, very far from perfect.

But if you are jealous, that is a sign that you have to change what can be changed in your own life

Mercurial123 · 07/07/2018 15:42

Not sure why people are criticising the "friend" you don't know her! The OP is insecure she needs to work on what she needs to do to become happy.

HeckyPeck · 07/07/2018 15:52

Yes, I agree Mercurial. Bringing other people down won't make you feel better, just focus in the positives in your own life :-)

BeenThereDone · 07/07/2018 16:17

I have a friend like that.... She's perfect, beautiful, warm, funny, perfect little family. Everyone that meets her adores her. Truly beautiful spirit.... God I hate her 😂
She has been through some terrible times (death of both parents in quick succession, divorce and then cancer) and remains optimistic and happy.
I am jealous sometimes cos I'm cranky, fat and everything she isn't..... But I do love her to bits, always makes me feel better about myself. You never know what people are really going through. And life is not a popularity contest or a race. Don't let the jealousy get to you.... I guarantee her life is not all rosy...

Imchangingmyname · 07/07/2018 16:21

Perfect exteriors often hide a maggot infested interior underneath.

Wow. Could it be that she does actually have a fantastic life because maybe she is a good person? It's a fact of life that there will always be someone better, thinner, prettier, more clever than you - that's life.

Bluntness100 · 07/07/2018 18:08

I agree also, it always happens on these threads, it's all "oh she must have some real shit going on and be really unhappy and just faking it on social media"

Trying to make the op feel better by making her think this woman is unhappy is weird. The op should focus on herself. Unfollow or unfriend this woman, and concentrate on what she wants to change in her life. Not continue to focus on her and imagine she's "maggot infested"

Iwasjustabouttosaythat · 08/07/2018 04:58

^What Bluntness said. It’s a very small person who makes themselves feel better by imagining the misfortune of others.

Ansumpasty · 08/07/2018 09:12

Who the hell has 5 hen dos?????

She sounds high maintenance to me

lizzybusy · 08/07/2018 09:26

I recently deactivated my facebook account for precisely this reason. Its gone from people sharing lovely news and the odd picture of a new born child, pet or wedding day to constantly streaming constant updates that screams "LOOK AT ME...IM AMAZING!" The last post I viewed was of an old school friend, who was drop feeding pictures of before, during and after her child's party e.g. photos of the party bags all lined up, the food, cake, the birthday girls new sparkly shoes. I couldn't believe how much time I had wasted by looking at these pictures. This seems to be coming from most face book users! Glad I left now!