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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to wonder why everyone disappears in the summer holidays

35 replies

hooochycoo · 07/07/2018 11:37

Second weekend of the holidays already here in Scotland and already I feel so lonely.

All the other children that my kids are friends with and whose parents I know are suddenly not around. Attempts to organise play dates and hangouts ( either in advance or on the day) have been unsuccessful.

Is everyone really busy? Or is my paranoia justified.

Does anyone else find the holidays incredibly lonely?

OP posts:
MyDcAreMarvel · 07/07/2018 11:40

I think people go away for most of the summer either holidays or visiting relatives.

Boysnme · 07/07/2018 11:41

We find the kids friends all go away the first two weeks as it’s still a bit cheaper with the English schools not being off. I can’t take much time off in the summer so have the same problem that my kids are home and others aren’t!

gamerwidow · 07/07/2018 11:43

I’m rarely free in the holidays due s combination of work, visiting family and our annual holiday.
Unless you’re a stay at home mum holidays tend to be really busy. It’s actually easier to slot in play dates when the kids are at school.

Sleepyandtired21 · 07/07/2018 11:45

I mean I think most people go on holiday during the summer, especially right at the start of the Scottish holidays as they break up much earlier than the rest of the U.K. (except NI). I have a mid July birthday which is right at the start of English summer holidays and nobody’s ever around

Aragog · 07/07/2018 11:46

Most people are stuck to school dates for their annual family holidays, so most people we know are away for at least 1-2 weeks of the holidays, and then spend other time catching up with those they know who are further afield and only get to see less frequently.

I'm in England so not yet on holiday - two weeks to go, and then six weeks off.

First fortnight in on holiday with family.
Final week I have my nieces staying and we will be out and about.

So three weeks in between but will have a few days out, of a night or two away visiting friends and family who live further away.

Huskylover1 · 07/07/2018 11:48

Scottish schools break up at the end of June. English schools break up around 18th July. So, it's cheaper for people in Scotland to go away, as soon as school breaks up.

blackteasplease · 07/07/2018 11:56

I guess they go away now while it's cheap!

BewareOfDragons · 07/07/2018 11:58

All the Scottish friends and family members we have go away once school gets out. Weather in July tends to be nicer and still a bit less busy/expensive to get out of the country (if you have to feed through a London airport or East Coast ferry somewhere) as England's schools are still going.

DrDougieHowserMD · 07/07/2018 12:06

I'm part of a group of 8 friends and we spend an awful lot of time together during term time, visiting galleries, going shopping, drinking coffee and generally chatting (some are SAHM and the others work part or flexi time) however we don't get together much when the kids are out of school because quite honestly, we're happy to be friends as adults but the behaviour of some of the children leave a lot to be desired and make for very stressful meet ups (except for the mums who's kids are the instigators but "oh it would never be THEIR children misbehaving")

It is lonely right now and I miss my friends and I'm even thinking of having a little get together at a local park but I'm a little apprehensive as last time we did something similar, the host was having a go at everyone else's kids when it was her PFB who was acting wild then running off telling fibs about the other kids.

We get on great as adults but the kids? Nope.

TypicallyNorthern · 07/07/2018 12:13

I am not Scottish but for the first time in my 3 years here back in the UK we will be buggering off for most of the 8 weeks my DC have off. There is no one around. there is nothing for my DC age 12 to do and my little one can go on a few camps but not lots as they are all £150 a week and over.

We are doing a week in the UK and a road trip through Spain. Aside from this we are going to stay with Grandparents for a week.

CoffeeOrSleep · 07/07/2018 12:15

I'd assume it's because it's cheaper to go away at the start of the holidays, as this is when the English kids are still at school so there's less demand, than the dates thats the same as the English holidays, so assume the start of the summer most people will be busy near you! For next year, ask parents before they break up when are they around over the summer and book play dates for 2-3 weeks in!

I have a similar issue around here, the holiday club run out of the school isn't open for the last 2 weeks of the summer holidays, so the staff that run the club (who all have school aged DCs) can go away. This means all the working parents (including those who work part time and who's DCs might normally be around for playdates on their parent's non-work days) all plan their summer break then. My DS is just finishing year 3 and I've finally twigged that I need to plan doing days out with my DCS/visiting grandparents for that fortnight as most of their friends won't be about and it'll be really quite boring otherwise!

Xenia · 07/07/2018 12:20

We go away as soon as the holiday starts as usually it's a bit cheaper (England but private schools so they break up earlier before state schools) and then come back for the rest of the summer and I work full time so no real summer for those of us mothers who work full time of course.......

Mind you I have never been lonely once in my life and I have never had a week in my entire life when I have been free from people to an extent that I would prefer! People want me morning noon and night from family to clients to neighbours, day in day out. It's relentless.

Greenglassteacup · 07/07/2018 12:22

Could the children be in holiday clubs while the parents continue to go to work?

Blackirishe · 07/07/2018 12:51

Honestly, half my street is on holiday, a burglars delight!
I have one child and it is much harder to arrange play dates during the school holidays. As pp have said, families are on a different rhythm, you don't have the regular bumping into each other at school gate or activities. If I was a SAHM I think I would get lonely as well.

For me, it is broken up by 2 week family holiday, working 3 days a week and use of holiday clubs. i was chatting to a friend about this the other day and we were both saying how different summer holidays are for our kids than when we were young. Hardly any mothers worked , so the streets were full of kids playing out. There are no SAHP's in my street at all, so kids are by necessity at holiday camps or staying with family whilst parents work. It is a strange phenomenon that there are less kids around during the holidays!

So I don't think you are alone. Hopefully more children will be around after this first 2 weeks, which is a very popular time to go off on holiday in Scotland.

gamerwidow · 07/07/2018 13:00

Feeling lonely is horrible but it isn’t that people are avoiding you it’s just a busy time. School holidays for me are just the same old crap I have to do in school time with additional childcare worries thrown in.
Take yourself and your kids out for a couple of fun days so you don’t feel so isolated. The holidays will soon be over and everything will go back to normal soon.

Amshook · 07/07/2018 13:05

The clue is in the word ‘holidays’.
And for many working parents the children are at anything from activity weeks to being looked after by other relatives.

PiggeryPorcombe · 07/07/2018 13:10

My kids really need a break from their school friends for a while so I tend to swerve play dates at the start of the holidays. We go away in August then see friends and do more social things after that.

I’d happily have the dc all to myself for the whole holidays but they’re not so keen after a while Grin

araiwa · 07/07/2018 13:10

Selfanswering question really

teaandtoast · 07/07/2018 13:31

Could you take a week off and go away by yourself @Xenia? Not doable if you have younger kids of course.

MrsJayy · 07/07/2018 13:36

I think parents take advantage of the holidays to rest from playdates and do their own thing go on holiday day outs etc also if folk are working the dc willbe in childcare getting babysat, do you have any plans over the summer ?

MrsJayy · 07/07/2018 13:38

I appreciate holidayscan be isolating but it isn't you they are avoiding ☺

AWomanIsAnAdultHumanFemale · 07/07/2018 13:38

How does this question even need to be asked? Confused surely you can work out that people are off on their holidays, seeing family, having family days out?

MrsJayy · 07/07/2018 13:42

I dunno there is a multitude of questions that don't need to be asked on mumsnet considering it is a chat forum the op is just chatting and looking for a bit of support

Original poster
hooochycoo · 07/07/2018 13:54

The people I've been trying to hang out with/ arrange playdates with aren't on holiday.

One family, my daughter's best friend at school. Normally they have playdates every week. Spoke to the mum at the weekend saying that my daughter would like to see her friend this week, were they free, did they want to organise a playdate or hang out locally. She said yes, to message her in the week. Messaged tuesday and her response was "not today, daughter has a playdate, I have housework" messaged weds morning and response was " it'll need to be tomorrow" . By thursday we're all in need of plans so i messaged wednesday night with day trip plans they could join in with (or an offer just to stay local) saying we'd be getting bus at 10am. She messaged 1030am saying we're just staying local. basically doing what we'd been doing all week. gah. Hard not to feel paranoid.

OP posts:
AWomanIsAnAdultHumanFemale · 07/07/2018 14:00

the op is just chatting and looking for a bit of support

Then a different board than Aibu and better phrasing would have been sensible. People aren’t mind readers.

OP people tend to take things down a notch or two in the summer. They ease off on socialising and concrete plans because they want to relax, take the days as they come etc. Stop being paranoid, it isn’t about you.