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Original poster

First 'proper' date

75 replies

lottsco · 07/07/2018 00:28

Supposed to be going on a evening out tomorrow with a guy I've been seeing. We've had a tough couple of months, mainly due to him not treating me right.
We planned to go out, for him to treat me, and jut basically do something together away from all the crap and give things a go.

He's now messaged me saying can he go out for an hour with some guy who's left his job. They worked together for a year, never had a night out before, and he's gave him a gift and said goodbye on the guys last day of work.

Am I being unreasonable to feel really upset. The tough couple of months we had was regarding another woman he kept lying about so my self esteem is already pretty low.

He says I'm being silly because he still wants to go, just wants to pick me up at half 9 in the evening.

OP posts:
FangAchePartDeux · 07/07/2018 02:21

OP, please, run a mile! I know how hard it is when your self-esteem is low and you wonder if you will ever get anyone better, or even whether you deserve any better. This feeling you have right now will only get worse the deeper in that you get. If you don't feel prioritised and loved at the beginning when he is on his best behaviour, you never will.

We're all telling you that you deserve so much better. The best advice I can give you is: when you're getting to know a guy, believe the negatives, ignore the positives. That means don't get carried away listening to his empty words or daydreaming about how great things would be if only you could just get over this rough patch. Focus on the way he treats you and how he makes you feel unimportant. He's showing you who he is - believe him!

Armchairanarchist · 07/07/2018 03:52

Run. Words are cheap. His actions demonstrate his feelings and you deserve so much more than this.

thelionsharer · 07/07/2018 04:09

I hope you listen to the advice here. He sounds manipulative and controlling. Words mean nothing and he's made you feel like shit and lose self-esteem already. It won't get better from there unfortunately. Be strong and walk away for your own sake.

JeezeLouise · 07/07/2018 04:11

The guy is an arse and you deserve way better - dump him, block him, take big steps in the opposite direction. He says he loves you but his actions are telling the truth.

Tropicana123 · 07/07/2018 04:20

I'd tell him to shove the 'treat'. He's making very little effort. As someone else said this should be the honeymoon period yet it's full of lows already. If he was as excited to take u out he wouldn't be planning drinks somewhere else first tbh. No one should make u feel low about yourself especially a boyfriend. You deserve someone better in my opinion.

Sorry op Flowers get rid

Oct18mummy · 07/07/2018 04:24

It’s all on his terms.

You are worth better than this.

Step away from him and meet someone who will treat you properly.

ferntwist · 07/07/2018 05:46

He’s manipulating you. Your relationship shouldn’t be this difficult so early on. Say goodbye to him and find someone you can really have fun and relax with. This is way too much hard work for you. Let him go on his drinks with this mate and don’t see him again.

Angrybird345 · 07/07/2018 06:01

Leave the douche bag ! He’s vile. There’s no love from him.

LanguidLobster · 07/07/2018 06:05

No, get out as quick as you can

Mummyoflittledragon · 07/07/2018 06:17

Tell him no, that doesn’t suit you. You have made arrangements and you expect him to stick to them. Obviously he can see this guy earlier or another day. You know he’s playing games with you. Not a nice trait at all.

AsleepAllDay · 07/07/2018 06:24

Nah he sounds crazy

AmIRightOrAMeringue · 07/07/2018 07:02

Another vote for dumping him!

Actions speak louder than words. This was meant to be a night to get things back on track - if this is his best efforts then it's only going to get worse!

He says he loves you / doesn't want to lose you but he also said he didn't like the other girl, and he was in fact messaging her, so he doesn't always say what he means.

When he asks what he's supposed to do with out you - go out with his friends and message other girls, clearly, as that's what he's doing already

A relationship is, on the whole, and especially at the beginning, meant to make you happy at least 80pc of the time. So if you have one bad night together with an argument or something you have 4 or 5 good nights to balance it. It sounds like on the whole he makes you unhappy. Being in love with this person is making you unhappy. If you stop seeing him, ultimately you will stop having feelings for him and be happier. Yes it will be hard at first but remember the crying etc is just an act and his past behaviour has shown he doesn't mean what he says..so stay strong!

Original poster
lottsco · 07/07/2018 07:36

He's said he will come pick me up at the original time now, and that he only wanted to say goodbye to his friend.
He kept saying over and over , do you want to go?
I wasn't the one who tried changing the plans and tried making him wait or put someone else first.

OP posts:
Toodamnhot · 07/07/2018 09:05

He wants you to give him permission to go.

Thehop · 07/07/2018 09:13

Text him back

“Honestly go with your mate from work, I’ve had another offer for tonight so we’ll reschedule for another time”

Or

“I’m not really in the mood any more. Go have fun with your mate”

Fucking lose him! You don’t love him there’s nothing to love!!! He treats you like a reserve.

You are clearly a lovely girl and deserve WAY better than this twat. You will be so so glad you blew him off soon xx

CalmConfident · 07/07/2018 09:33

Likely planning an afternoon at the football first too? Go with thehop first suggestion

Original poster
lottsco · 07/07/2018 10:10

No, no football. Just want to go out and 'show his face'

OP posts:
ferntwist · 07/07/2018 18:08

Ditch him OP!!

VanGoghsDog · 07/07/2018 18:10

Sack him off, he's manipulating and gaslighting you. This won't get better, only worse.

YearOfYouRemember · 07/07/2018 18:17

He hasn't treated you right in the beginning when he should have been trying to impress.

You don't need "treating." You're an adult.

He's messed with your head regarding another woman.

He's called you silly.

Is that really what you think you're worth?

Get rid. It won't get better. Value yourself as he certainly doesn't.

MissConductUS · 07/07/2018 18:23

This is worst kind of emotional manipulation. He's just keeping you on a string while he looks for someone he fancies more.

Please, just dump him. He's really just not that interested in you.

YearOfYouRemember · 07/07/2018 18:24

Just because he says he loves you it doesn't give him carte blanch to treat you like crap booty call you aren't passive but are acting like you are

Btw he doesn't. He wouldn't treat you like this if he did.

toolonglurking · 07/07/2018 19:02

You are being really foolish, look at this 'relationship' as if it was one of your friends and you'd be telling her to get rid. The first few months do not have to be this hard!

Toodamnhot · 07/07/2018 19:20

It will be interesting to see what happens tonight op if you have agreed to go. I would be very surprised if he turns up on time for you.

trojanpony · 07/07/2018 19:22

Run for the hills - this guy is an arsehole

More importantly he is an arsehole that treats you horribly and is making you miserable

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