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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband sends me a photo and asks if it's me...

71 replies

Alison111 · 06/07/2018 20:58

Whilst I was away with work this week, my husband sends me a photo of a clothed lady laying on a bed with her arms above her head with her eyes closed (can't see bottom half of the lady). Lady looks similar-ish to me, so he asks, is this me? I reply "No" but ask where he's got the photo from. I actually don't mind where it's from, even if it's from a porn site. Husband is refusing to divulge any more information, even when pressed. This has left me feeling very insecure. Any advice? Am I being unrealistic/paranoid persuing this?

Husband has drunk himself into a stupor after I questioned this tonight, so much so, I have had to pour away all of the alcohol left in the house after he went out into the street and started f-ing and jeff'ing at a guy putting a flying on his car windscreen. FYI - I am often quite insecure in my relationships so am aware that I could be blowing this out of proportion.

OP posts:
Abitlost2015 · 06/07/2018 22:08

Why do you ask what to do? What do YOU want to do?

LilQueenie · 06/07/2018 22:08

You could leave. There is a chance it will get worse. Particularly if he won't talk about how he came across the photo and refuses to discuss or give answers.

bobstersmum · 06/07/2018 22:10

He sounds crazy! Why would he not just admit where he got the image? That's the crazy bit. My dh used to be very jealous and it was very difficult so I know what you must be feeling, it's frustrating knowing you're innocent and being questioned.

Pollaidh · 06/07/2018 22:11

Try reversing/flipping the image and then uploading it to the reverse image site. Also I think a really zoomed in picture, or where the aspect ratio is changed, may not always be caught by the reverse image check. Also if it's a screenshot of something he's seen or has been sent, then it might not come up on reverse image.

Not an IT person though.

Anyway, his behaviour is not normal.

TornFromTheInside · 06/07/2018 22:12

Try reversing/flipping the image and then uploading it to the reverse image site

They do all that automatically anyway.

Sommelierrrr · 06/07/2018 22:13

Really? An otherwise happy relationship?

user7469322 · 06/07/2018 22:15

Can you upload it here? Someone here might be able to trace it through google if we can see it?

FishingIsNotASport · 06/07/2018 22:20

You keep asking what you should do, even after people have made suggestions. What's going on here? Say "No it's obviously not me, is it? You're being ridiculous. What's this all about?"

Babdoc · 06/07/2018 22:27

I'm more interested in why you want to live with an aggressive, swearing, paranoid drunk, than where the photo came from.

SevenStones · 06/07/2018 22:29

I'd be off to be honest OP, sounds a ludicrous situation to be in.

AgentJohnson · 06/07/2018 22:38

He’s mind fucking you and it doesn’t matter why because there’s no legitimate reason to. If he wants to go down the rabbit, don’t for goodness sake follow him. Ignore, ignore, ignore. The bigger problem, which you appear less concerned about (which speaks volumes), is his drunkenness.

Applepudding2018 · 06/07/2018 22:50

Does he normally drink to excess? Or behave unreasonably?

Is it possible somebody has alerted him to this picture somewhere on the internet i.e. Some dating site, the photo looks like you and he genuinely believes it is you? Could his drinking be his way of dealing with the fact that he is convinced that you are being unfaithful and untruthful?

blitzen · 06/07/2018 22:50

Perhaps the text was not meant for you.

wafflyversatile · 06/07/2018 23:56

Maybe a friend found it on a dating site and now you are both convinced the other is up to no good.

AcrossthePond55 · 07/07/2018 02:13

What do you do? I know what I'd do, I'd leave. But you have to decide for yourself if you want to continue to live as you are or not.

Does he add anything positive to your life? Is that 'positive' worth the 'negative'?

justilou1 · 07/07/2018 03:52

Is it possible that one of his friends has shagged someone who looks a bit like you, taken this photo and sent it to him to stir up some shit?

pinkdelight · 07/07/2018 07:34

My initial thought was that it's an image that's got in his camera roll after being on whatsapp. You know how images on there automatically download to your phone and you end up with some weird random pix and you can't remember where they came from. That made more sense to me, and maybe his mate put the pic on whatsapp for whatever reason. But then all his bizarre unpleasant behaviour is a much bigger issue.

MadeForThis · 07/07/2018 07:46

I would try and speak to him when he is sober.
If that doesn't work then try and get a look at his phone.

LuluJakey1 · 07/07/2018 07:59

YANBU. You should be extremely worried by his behaviour. LTB.

Mix56 · 07/07/2018 08:03

he will have a thumping hangover I assume, if not he already has an alcohol issue. When he is lucid I'd tell him the whole scenario sucks, from him "getting" the photo, sending it, the message, the hiding the source, the drunken tantrum.
It is not a way you intend to live, whether it's jealousy, doubts re infidelity, EA, if there is no trust then the game is over

AJPTaylor · 07/07/2018 08:11

what do you want to do?
he sounds unhinged. does he often drink that much?

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