To think mother should mind her own business

[bandthenjust]

I'm a housewife/homemaker. Whatever, I'm not in paid employment.
My husband works, he supports the family financially.
We receive ZERO benefits.
I look after the home/schooling/finance etc.
I don't ask for help from anyone, YET, my mother still constantly tells me to get a job. AIBU to tell her to mind her own business?

Nope, not U at all. Live your own life you think fit and tell her to mind her own business.

T HANK YOU!!

ask her why. put her on the spot. If she is not financially helping you then its none of her business. Ask her what leads you to believe you need a job and why her opinion on your family dynamic matters. Hopefully she realises how stupid she is being and how its nothing to do with her and backs off.

I always think women should try to have an income if they can. I’ve seen way too many threads on here not to wince a bit when someone isn’t earning anything herself.

Could she have concerns? What ifs?

Do you think it's said out of jealousy or concern for your welfare?

Of course how you choose to live your life (providing you aren't harming others) isn't anyone elses business.

YANBU.
I was a sahm for 10 years then a wohm for 12 years. DC now adult.
In both cases someone had something negative to say. It's nobody else's business.

Perhaps it's not about your family needing the money. Maybe she worries about you not having an income if something should happen to your DH.

Unless you ask her why she says it, you won't know.

I agree with Flavia - maybe she is just concerned about your independence should anything change in the family situation. I agree that women should have some financial independence.

If your marriage breaks down don't go running to your DM if you tell her to mind her own business.

I think most mothers would rather be at home with the DC. (Assuming you have got DC?). Even if not, it suits some couples to have one at home. Your business, no one else's.

Bit of background (sorry to bore). My mum originally wanted to be a housewife herself BUT my dad left her after I was born, had another kid, then died. My mum went back to work full time, and I was predominantly (although she'd violent ly disagree with this) by my grandparents.
I've known my husband for nearly 20years, we went to school together, and I know it's almost taboo and a jinx to say it; it's not in his nature to leave me high and dry. But I totally get where you're coming from, everybody should have some sort of back-up in case the worst happens.
I personally thinj she can't stand to see me living a differe nt life to her; like she sees it as an insu lt that I do things differently.

Sorry, that should say predominantly raised by my grandparents

Oh, if she's been left high and dry herself, I can understand it. No one thinks the worst will happen until it does...

@ woodlands, I agree with you, if yo u tell someone to stay out, you can't ask for help later on. And I wouldn't... She tries to force her opinio n however, without being asked f or it.

Sh e also organised informal job interviews for me without my knowledge lmao.

If you’re husband died would you be ok? What’s your pension like?
She’s older and wiser. I assume she’s trying to mind you.
Be gentle with her.

Ok, arranging job interviews for you crosses the line from concerned to boundary stamping crazy!

Yeah, she 's experienced first hand what happens when it goes wrong. BUT,
it doesn't come across as a mum worrying; it's more like a 'you'll do as I tell you' to do attitude, and she makes comments to my kids like 'your mummy just sits on her fat arse all day'. Bit of a weird one, think I just needed to rant lol, sorry everyone.

Yeah, we'd be ok, I have my own savings, no debts etc. It'll be a struggle for a while whilst things got sorted but I'm confident my kids and I would be good. And I would work!

Arranging job interviews -- definitely out of order.
Agree with Flavia again!

I've never actually challenged her on the job thing just gone a bit 'hmm, yeah', as any conflicting opinion gets her back up straight away and she just gets nasty.

woodlands01

bandthenjust Maybe you should check out the stately homes thread in relationships.

If you'd written that she insists you to your children, tries to run your life for you and gets nasty when you argue in your first post, you'd have got a very different reply from me. That's just abusive.

Lol there's nothing wrong with any of your replies, I'm just happy to read other people's thoughts.

I understand your mother.

I relied on a man and I was screwed financially when we split.

I want my daughter to know that the sacrifices of parenting should be EQUAL.
I want her to be with a man who believes that the sacrifices of parenting should be equal.
I want my daughter to have opportunities and income and I want her not to have 100% of the responsibility of raising the children.

It should be equal.

You think your mother's comments to you are just a ''reaction'' to what she went through.

You're missing the point so entirely. She learned the lesson the hard way but the lesson still stands.

I'd be so sad for my daughter if she took on significantly more than 50% of the responsibility of raising kids, or if the loss of freedom restrictred her significantly more than it restricted him.

I want my daughter to be secure in her old age and for her pension to be equal to the father of her children's.

Yeh, learnt all of this the hard way but that doesn't take away from its truth/

I don't think my daughter will take a step back to let a man flourish at her expense though. At least I sincerely hope not. I think she has more respect for the process we all went through as a single parent family getting to where we are now, from poverty to financial security.

You should really cut your mother ssome slack that she sees you and your future as equal to her son in laws.

''............ and I would work''

How naive. You know what it's like to sit in a recruitment agency and be classified between a 21 year old with ZERO experience? Cos the 20 somethings have youth. When you have been out of the work place for a decade nobody cares what you did a decade ago
You probably think I'm being mean but honestly, you should know that. If you think it's as simple as just givign your CV a tweak you're underestimating how hard it is to get back in the work place after a long gap. I managed to get a job that suits me eventually but it wasn't an easy process and it was my third job, I had two utterly crap jobs before I got this one which doesn't pay brilliantly but it's a good job.

classed BENEATH a 21 year old with no experience I mean

Sonotawendy you are absolutely correct, and I agree with you completely. I don't think for one minute I'd wal k straight into a job. In terms of attitude towards getting a job, However, I'd do everythin g I could.