To think mother should mind her own business

[bandthenjust]

I'm a housewife/homemaker. Whatever, I'm not in paid employment.
My husband works, he supports the family financially.
We receive ZERO benefits.
I look after the home/schooling/finance etc.
I don't ask for help from anyone, YET, my mother still constantly tells me to get a job. AIBU to tell her to mind her own business?

And I'm sorry that happened to you, with your ex.

It's no ones business but yours and your husbands what you decide to do, as long as you are both happy with that arrangement then that's ok

Thanks everyo ne for your feedback! It's good to hear other's opinions. Appreciated

Thanks bandthenjust, it was over a decade ago so although it was AWFUL at the time, I feel stronger, more independent, financially secure, I like my job, I'm happy. So it could have been the best thing that happened. Although it amazing to me that some women are raised so well that they believe in themselves from day one and just know instinctively that they deserve as much life/freedom/opportunity as their husband. I didn't really know that emotionally, I would have marched with a banner with that written on it but I didn't feeeeeel the belief inside.

I'm glad it had a positive (?) Effec t on you (I'm talking long term, in a sense that you got through it and you 're in a good place today).
some people have it set from the start don't they.

It sound like she doesn't like the fact you are living the life she wanted and is jealous tbh.

Can I gently urge you to try and keep your skill set fresh, even if you don’t want to use them right now?

Without it sounding like a woe is me pity post, there's more to it in terms of her being pretty controlling/nosy (caught her rummaging throug h ban k statements etc once). Other relatives have said she's jealous.
Madmags, no need to gently urge me lol, I 'm re taking exams soon in certai n things. Just need training with da mn computers. I hate technology.
But out of interest, what would you say I needed in terms of skills?

I hadn’t anything in particular in mind :) it was more just that whatever it is you do, keep it fresh so you can jump back in if/when you want to.

I’m sorry about your mum. It does sound like jealousy. Sounds like some distance would do you some good.

Exactly as marymoosmum says. Probably a mixture of jealousy and regret about her own life being so difficult. Jealousy is very hard to acknowledge and she'd probably be shocked if you accused her of it.

Maybe you could suggest it to her though. If she's bad mouthing you to your children that's got to stop. I think you and she need a grown up chat.

My DM did that to me! Wittered on at me when I was a part time TA. It wasn't good enough, I should be working in a 'proper' professional job. Didn't I want the challenge and responsibility of running the class myself blah blah blah. Frankly no, but in the end I caved in and started a PGCE. Worst thing I ever did. Took all the joy out of work and left me researching ways to kill myself and have it look like an accident.

So I bit the bullet and packed it in and got a minimum wage job again and am fine. Would prefer to be a housewife but DC going to uni so I can't.

My point is that your mum is a different person to you so what is right for her isn't necessarily right for you.

My DM and I had a lot of words a few years ago. I told her that she made me feel not good enough and that unless she had something positive to say I didn't want to hear it. I stuck to it, hung up or walked out when she started and stuck to my guns. Our relationship is much much better now.

Sounds like you might need to do the same.

OP sorry not read every reply so apologize if its repeated. I would LOVE to be a house wife/FT mum again as found it well easier than working.
You are blessed and lucky and although your mum might be a bit weary as you said it happened to her and yes we can see her concern, she should know the boundary when to stop. Tell her. How does she know you dont have financial back up? After all you take care of the finances? ;)

Enjoy your life. If you can get through it without having to do a job so be it! Not many do! :)

Oh and raising your kids is really doing more for them than working away from them! Not to insult their father x

Making certain you're not financially exposed and raising your children are not mutually exclusive.

Cover your bases and tell your mother to mind her business.

Your mother sounds like a pain in the arse and very intrusive, and she definitely shouldn't be criticising you in front of the kids

That said, I can't say I wouldn't be a bit disappointed if my daughter was a sahm. I want more for her than that, sorry if that sounds harsh but I would like her to have a rich and fulfilling career in whatever area she wants, not just support her partner to.

Sometimes a SAHM stays home by choice. I work part time but even if my partner was a SAHD I wouldn't want to work full time. I accept 90% of the childcare because I want to.
When my babies were little I didn't want to share the night feeds etc. I definitely wouldn't miss any school events even if my partner was able to go.

Thank you all, whiterose its horrib le right?!
psychedelicsheep I'd want my own kids to have some sort of career too, or at least be qualified to have one, and if they then chose to be a sahm or whatever, I'd be cool with it. Dont' care as long as they 're happy. Not all people think the same though
thanks everyone for replying. Guess I've got to wait until the next time she makes some comment and be brave enough to tell her. I'm a wuss lol.

What you have at the moment works for your family and nobody not even your mother has the right to interfere in your family life.

As the dc get older though I do think it's important for them and you to start a new way of doing things. Teaching them that as everyone works, everyone has a responsibility to look after themselves, cleaning up after themselves and not relying on mother at home.