Babysitter Calling Parents

[Sleepless123456789]

Babysitter here, posting to get advice from parents. Whenever I babysit (usually babies under 2), the parents always say to 'call if there are issues', or if 'the baby wakes up and won't settle', and they'll come home. I've never called them, but was wondering at what point they would rather I did?
I've generally got two categories, of stuff that's unsettling, but defo not worth calling (child wakes up, has a feed/nappy change then goes to sleep, strange creaky noises (I get paranoid at night ), but what about a baby who won't settle and need to be walked around the whole night? Or a toddler who had a nightmare?

On a related note, if you had left your small child with a babysitter, would you rather know they had been unsettled and awake for three-four hours (unfamiliar person) but not screaming/crying (i.e. the truth), or be told they'd woken up about half an hour ago (not quite true, but a white lie for parent's peace of mind)?

So in summery, three questions:

1. Would you actually want the babysitter to call you and interrupt your evening, or would you just say this because you're expected?
2. At what point would you want the babysitter to call you?
3. If your child had been awake/unhappy/(a nightmare all evening), would you rather the babysitter tell you tha, or reassure you everything was fine with a watered down version of the truth?

(Context: Sixth form student in UK, I've babysat for the same few families for a couple of years, but started sitting for some new ones, and between the heat and unfamiliarity, I'm getting more children waking up!)

I’d want you to call be if they were ill/hurt or were hysterically upset beyond calming after a period of time.

I’d also want to know if they had been awake / unhappy / a nightmare so that I could address with them why and resolve it for next time, but I wouldn’t want you to call me for those reasons unless it turned into one of reasons above.

Yes, honesty very important for me also. If the children were a bit unsettled, please tell us when we get back.

And yes, if things are bad, please call me - if one is distressed and won't settle with cuddles from you, or if one is ill, or if one is behaving really badly. I may not wish to rush back but could make suggestions about what to do, or cut night out short if I feel it's warranted.

My DD now babysits. I've told her the parents will want to know if the child hasn't slept well while they've been out because it will impact on their behaviour the next day and might affect they time they wake the next morning.

As a parent myself, I would ABSOLUTELY want to be called if the child was ill or inconsolable. If you could console with cuddles, I'd be grateful to you (would have been, my "baby" is a babysitter herself now!)

I would want the absolute truth.
If the child was upset for more than half an hour then I'd want to be called and I definitely would want to come home, my babies are so so so much more important than a night out!

It's different if the child is playing up because it's fun that a babysitter is there and not the parents, in that case they wouldn't be upset though.
I wouldn't mind them not going back to sleep straight away in that case but I would still want to know.

(My brother and I used to sneak downstairs after we'd gone to bed and the babysitter would let us sit up and watch tv for a while until we were sleepy)

It is always best to be honest, I'd never use a dishonest babysitter even if they told me a white lie - plus you don't know if they have babysitter spy cameras...

We haven't used one, but would want to know if baby/child wouldn't settle even being held. If they settle on being held (and you can sit and cuddle them) I would want you to do that and tell me when you get home, I'd bung you some extra cash for not having had the time off while they were asleep. If they either were still upset, or needed pacing up and down I would want to know while out.

Nightmares or wet beds etc I'm happy to be told about on our return provided the kids were happy.

You're a sixth former, so I would want a call as soon as you felt you were uncomfortable or lost confidence.

I babysat loads in my late teens, and the only time I called the parents was when the kid had a nosebleed and it hadn't stopped after a couple of minutes. (only one kid, about 6/7 - he was one of my beavers)
I generally gave honest ish feedback, so if they'd been a bit naughty and up a few times I'd be like "it took a while to settle down, came downstairs a couple of times"...
I didn't normally do babies though.

Of course tell the truth and tell everything.

I think parents who are casual enough to leave their babies with a babysitter are not going to be too bothered if there's a bit of crying.

For me, I would like to be called if the babysitter ever feels like crying herself - kids unsettled, kids unruly or unpleasant, and for any illness or accident.

I would say call if you can't calm them after about fifteen minutes, as it will take time for parents to get back. If they are awake and whingy but not screaming then I wouldn't call, but I would tell the parents when they get back, or perhaps send a text message if it's been a long time.
If they're ill I'd call and ask the parents what they would like you to do.

If they need to be walked all the time or were a nightmare, I'd definitely like to be told. If the behaviour is uncharacteristic (which presumably it would be or you would have been warned in advance), then they need to know

I would say send a quick text if baby is unsettled e.g. 'Baby is awake but not unhappy. Just watching some Peppa Pig with a drink then will try to settle again.' Parent can then text reply with ideas of how to settle or call if worried.

If child is inconsolable then I would call after 20 - 30 mins and talk to parents. It all depends on age of child, whether they're teething or have been unwell etc.

Very sensible of you to ask. It's a tough one and might be good to ask each parent what their 'threshold' is and note it in your phone! It might differ depending on whether they're at the pub with friends or at a black tie dinner some distance away too.

You've had good advice here but just to say you sound like a sensible, mature person & really good babysitter.

I am a grandma/babysitter and have called parents twice in 11 years. Once was when child had a horrid cough and I had no appropriate medicine. I couldn’t reach parents so did a Vicks Steam tent and child was able to sleep. The second time was when I had come down with a worsening virus and called them to come early so I could leave.
If I was worried I would call but I have been quite lucky.

I would want to be told! Definitely. Because the babysitter obviously feels like they can not solve the issue if they've picked the phone up to call. I absolutely would not want the babysitter feeling like that but not telling me.

I used to baby sit lots in my pre children days and it's really important to be honest. If child was awake but not screaming or able to be consoled with a bit of company, story or a drink feed back when they get home. Likewise a smaller baby or toddler who wants to be rocked I wouldn't let it get too late without checking that parents were happy for me to continue with it, but would happy have rocked the whole time if wanted. Really inconsolable and screaming or scared I would give 10 to 15 minutes at most before calling parents. With one little girl I once looked after who was really terrified when I walked into her room instead of her mum and just wanted to get away from me, (she was one of my key children from work and we normally got on very well) I was pulling out my phone within moments luckly her mum and dad walked through the door as I was ringing them. I luckily never felt or had the need to phone a parent at any other time.

If you aren't sure with new families about when to call ask them at what point they'd want you to call. We all have different limmits depending on our children. With dd I'd tell you phone if a limb was hannging off, she was sick or you thought she needed a doctor, nurse, medicen and apologise in advance about the amount of times you'd need to put her to bed. With ds I'd want you to call at the slightest thing, you think his looked at you funny; call me! But he is epileptic so only left with people I feel very confident could care for him and dd if he had a seizure or suddenly became unwell. My parents usually look after him but very occasionally a lady from a local nursery will who has cared for epileptic children before ans knows how to use his rescue meds.

I would want a call if there was an emergency (child has been sick, fever, broken bone, etc or you had an emergency and had to leave) or if you truly felt you couldn’t cope and needed us to take over. I’ve appreciated a text saying ‘all is fine’ when it actually is, but I wouldn’t want to know if one of them woke up, unless you needed us to come home.

Call if everything you've reasonably tried doesn't work, and don't feel bad about doing so. Parents can then decide whether to come home straight away, leave early or give you advice.

If they wanted/ needed a night out with no possibility of a call, they should have asked an adult friend or relative to be on-call or employed a nanny.

If anyone is ever awkward with you over this, or mess you around with return times etc. then just don't babysit for them again.

like the family who let the electricity meter run out, didn't answer their phone and got back after midnight on a school night, who were somewhat surprised to find my Dad waiting up with me when they got home

For a start, I wouldn’t be leaving my children with anyone unfamiliar, especially children under 2 with a person under 18 not trained in childcare. This seems like madness to me really.

If I had to, in an emergency, then I would expect to be called straight away if they were upset or ill.

I have left my 15 mo with grandparents. She has settled after 20 mins of upset (in sling with grandparent she knows well). They kept me posted and if she hadn’t settled in 30 mins I’d have come straight home.

Cheby - when I was 15, my next door neighbours would leave their 2 and 3 year old with me for an evening. My parents were next door so there was that backup.

When my parents babysit they text when my daughter is asleep that all is well. I would expect a text if she woke up but I wouldn’t come home unless they thought I should. Never ever tell a white lie. With a baby it is really important to know how much they eat and sleep and with an older child there’s a risk the child will let slip and then the parenta will have lost trust in you.

I would expect the babysitter to call if the were unwell. When I got back I would want the truth, if they had been naughty, not settled etc, not a watered down version.

Cheby - when I was 15, my next door neighbours would leave their 2 and 3 year old with me for an evening. My parents were next door so there was that backup.

See this sounds ok. You lived next door so presumably they knew you well? They were over 2 (so can talk and tell you if something is wrong), and there were two familiar adults seconds away if needed.

I used to babysit as a 15yo, but it was for my neighbours’ children who were all between 6 and 10, so fairly self sufficient. And when I was at uni I used to babysit for a neighbour’s children. They were younger but by then I was an adult.

You sound great. I love that you are asking these questions. One thing you could also do is ask this of the parents, because each set has different feelings on the subject. X

I think parents who are casual enough to leave their babies with a babysitter are not going to be too bothered if there's a bit of crying.

Possibly one of the most judgemental sentences I've ever read.

I used to baby sit a lot for different families when I was younger.
I only ever once called the parents, and that was when one of the children had a fever.