Babysitter Calling Parents

[Sleepless123456789]

Babysitter here, posting to get advice from parents. Whenever I babysit (usually babies under 2), the parents always say to 'call if there are issues', or if 'the baby wakes up and won't settle', and they'll come home. I've never called them, but was wondering at what point they would rather I did?
I've generally got two categories, of stuff that's unsettling, but defo not worth calling (child wakes up, has a feed/nappy change then goes to sleep, strange creaky noises (I get paranoid at night ), but what about a baby who won't settle and need to be walked around the whole night? Or a toddler who had a nightmare?

On a related note, if you had left your small child with a babysitter, would you rather know they had been unsettled and awake for three-four hours (unfamiliar person) but not screaming/crying (i.e. the truth), or be told they'd woken up about half an hour ago (not quite true, but a white lie for parent's peace of mind)?

So in summery, three questions:

1. Would you actually want the babysitter to call you and interrupt your evening, or would you just say this because you're expected?
2. At what point would you want the babysitter to call you?
3. If your child had been awake/unhappy/(a nightmare all evening), would you rather the babysitter tell you tha, or reassure you everything was fine with a watered down version of the truth?

(Context: Sixth form student in UK, I've babysat for the same few families for a couple of years, but started sitting for some new ones, and between the heat and unfamiliarity, I'm getting more children waking up!)

I would want you to do what I asked you to do. So I'd let you know all the things we do to get dd back to sleep and that if she just won't sleep to take her downstairs and watch some cartoons with her. If she was inconsolable or you were worried she were ill I'd expect to be called straight away. Also, I'd want the honest truth about how long she'd been up for as then maybe I'd give her a lie in or an extra nap the next day to compensate. I'd be massively angry if i found out you'd lied. I wouldn't care if dd had been up and I wouldn't be worrying about her/you while I'm out. I would just want to know what happened.

Every parent is different. At the end of the day they want to be out and could be half way through a meal or something so I wouldn’t rush to ring them. Parent down time is very important. However if the baby would not settle after an hour I would probably call. With a toddler and a nightmare I would just break all the rules and try a drink, biscuit, bit of a favourite dvd and lots of cuddles rather than ring. As a parent I would appreciate that. If the child was still inconsolable then ring then.

As a qualified full time nanny who does occasional babysitting for new families, I think what you've described should definitely warrant calling the parents.
If the child is, as you say, unsettled and a nightmare for 3-4 hours the that is too long for my liking. But then I've done extensive research in children. It's a hard pill to swallow not being able to settle a child especially as I am very used to children and can nearly always settle them. But at the end of the day, a lot of babies under 2 would be horrified at a stranger trying to settle them and I'd think it cruel to leave them crying.. But I guess everyone is different.

Oh and I would not recommend lying even a white lie. It won’t build trust with you as a babysitter. Just be honest about the problem but tell them how you solved it...”we had half hour of Peppa Pig, cuddles, three stories and two digestive biscuits and she was asleep by 9.45.” Or whatever. Hope this app helps OP.

Just ask them

Woke up and dealt with I'd probably like a quick text (but then I am a bit pfb )

Awake but happy, playing with you or being read stories, quick text again.

Awake and distressed definitely ring, I'd be very upset with a babysitter who left my ds in distress.

honestly, for a baby, I'd want to know pretty much everything. If they settled being held, and were awake but happy, that would be fine, but anything else and I'd want to know.

Toddlers are hardier though, especially if they're big enough to understand and talk a bit and I'd only expect to be called if they were hurt or really inconsolable.

I wouldn't want you to lie ever though. If you said everything was fine, I'd be more inclined to leave the baby again/for longer, and maybe I'm soft, but the thought of either of my babies having been really upset and without their mum, while I was out, having a meal or something unnecessary would have been quite distressing to me.

I used to babysit when I was 15 for the neighbours, my cousins, and then my little brother's best friend and his 2 siblings. I was mature and sensible but completely inexperienced, so could keep kids safe and happy for 4/5 hours but would have been out of my depth with a child who was playing up, unwell, or incosolable. Fortunately all the kids knew me and were really well behaved. No issues at all... apart from one night.

It was my brother's friend's parents. Their kids were about 4, 7 & 11. I arrived to find their friends were staying over, and I was expected to babysit their 3 & 1 year olds as well for double to money. All kids were already asleep, so I agreed, but I was horrified that they would leave such young kids with a 15yo they had never met, and I was affronted that they hadn't asked me first.

I spent most of the evening dreading the 1yo waking. I didnt know whether he would need milk. I had never changed a nappy. I remember actually creeping into the room once they'd left to actually see how big a 1yo was.

But it was the 3yo that woke, screaming, in a house that was not her own, having never laid eyes on me before. I brought her downstairs to watch t.v. and cuddled her, and she just sobbed and said, 'I want Mummy,' and I thought, 'Yeah, I bet you do.' So I called them, and the dad came back. It was only about 9:30pm.

They never asked me to babysit again after that, and I thought for years I'd done the wrong thing and was embarrassed. Now, I'm a mum of 3, I've realised it wasn't me. They were just insane!

I'd want to know if a child was inconsolable and the baby sitter had tried everything. And by everything I include getting them up and letting them watch tv or play on the iPad because frankly if I've managed to sort a sitter for a very rare night out I don't care if the kids are awake late or even still awake when I get home, all I care about is that they are happy while I'm out.

I've had a sitter call me back before when one of my kids was in pain with his joints (hypermobility) and she couldn't get hi comfortable. I've also had one call to check if she could give calpol. Nice, sensible reasons.