MIL and Facebook!

[Starlive22]

As a bit of background, when DD was born MIL put lots of pics on FB, I mean lots. Me and DH have expressed that we don't want pics on FB of DD (although I did put 1 pic on myself on Father's Day but only the back of her head can be seen).

We told them not to and they agreed, begrudgingly, and told us they were ruining all their fun.

They have been on holiday in Spain Thai week. I assume they went out and got drunk last night as I woke up to find my MIL had put on of those bloody 'memories of spring' things on, a collage set to music with over 40 pics of DD, me in hospital (some of me asleep just after coming from from an EMCS!)

So I've sent her a message asking her to take them down, which she has done so I appreciate that, but no sorry or other kind of acknowledgment. It had already had over 200 views before it got took down.

AIBU to think that this was crossing the line? I know she thinks I'm weird anyway, she makes fun of me for being a vegan and for being teetotal, she often says myself and DH are weird and that not wanting your every moment displayed on FB is also 'weird' but to me this is different.

I should add that we do have a family Fb messenger group which they can post pics to without using Facebook!

I would be furious.
It doesn’t sound as though she has any respect for you as parents.
Every time she posts tell her to remove it and just keep repeating yourself.
I have no other suggestions

I’m a MIL and when my DGS was born, I asked my DS and DDIL if I could put a photo on FB and they said No!!
I only put a photo on after they had and it was only one.

I think you're perfectly within your rights not to want pictures of yourself or your DD put on a public domain. MIL is being U by disrespecting your requests. At least she did take them down eventually!

I can't imagine 200 people actually viewed the whole thing, if that's any consolation.

If she thinks you're weird already, keep it up. Tell her that you don't want her posting any pics of you or your DC unless you've said it's ok. I don't agree with publically posting pics of children online and if 200 people viewed her video I'm guessing she has a lot of FB 'friends'. (Not for any paedophile-type reasons, I just think you should wait until the child can decide if they want their photo shared).

@dogzdinner that's exactly my thoughts, I want DD to be able to share things when she is old enough.

No I can't imagine the 200 people viewed it in its entirety but just the fact that it was a collage of so many pics, even ones of DD in the bath (although you can only see her top half)

I just feel like it's so disrespectful and I can't quite get past that at the moment. I'm fuming!

YANBU. don't share any further pictures with her.

YANBU at all. I wouldn't post anyone else's photo online without their permission and I absolutely hate when people do it to me. I unfriended one person because even after speaking to her about it she kept doing it again and again.

I’m a MIL and when my DGS was born, I asked my DS and DDIL if I could put a photo on FB and they said No!! I only put a photo on after they had and it was only one.

You asked to put a photo up before they had??

My MIL was pissed when no photos of my kids would appear on FB and laid into DH and I about it. Explained that our two DS’s (like 9 and 10 at the time) didn’t want photos of themselves on fb. So when MIL would visit she’d post photos to her own FB knowing full well how we felt. Well fast forward a couple months and DS’s themselves told MIL to stop, that their online presence was theirs to control.

So she wouldn’t listen to us. It was like she needed proof that DS’s were serious and we weren’t making up some random excuse

It's a kind of brag, isn't it? Although the sad truth is that nobody is actually interested in seeing photos of other people's children or GC 😁 I give a hypocritical Like, but it's just to be polite.

If that photo appeared in the video then it means that she has posted it previously.

God I hate this. My dad did exactly the same. We hadn't even announced the birth ourselves yet just sent a few pics to a closed family group, and my dad (who is and continues to be completely disinterested in mine and my sons life, besides fb bragging about how great it is being a grandad ) put every single pic on Facebook, including ones of me 2 minutes after giving birth, heavily drugged up with my breasts hanging out! I was livid, removed him from the closed fb group, and now he doesn't get any pictures. We don't share pics on fb, not for any moral reasons but just because we're quite private people who don't use social media much, so I felt really violated. I don't know what goes through people's heads sometimes!

Why don't you block her and never give her pictures or allow her to take any of your dc agan?

What wonky said. I think it makes a montage of photos you've already put up? I might be wrong though. Could she have put you on restricted and been posting photos of dd?

including ones of me 2 minutes after giving birth, heavily drugged up with my breasts hanging out!

Ouch! What was he thinking? Who took and shared that photo initially though? That's who I'd really go after.

@NordicNobody same! She announced my DDs birth before I had even come round from the operation, I was pretty pissed about that too, especially as I hadn't put any scan pics on, lots of people didn't even know I was pregnant and there is MIL announcing it for me!!

The best part is that they actually don't visit very often and it's almost like they are using my DD for Facebook popularity without even bothering to bloody see her!

Crikey, I'm ranting! Blame it on the heat!

Could she have put you on restricted and been posting photos of dd?

Sneaky, but very possible. Don't know how you'd find out, unless you asked to see her FB page on the phone of another family member.

YANBU. Some people can’t help themselves. Piss poor behaviour from her

There are many countries in Europe who never ever put photos of children on Facebook and are horrified that we do. Facebook is the work of the devil

Did she tag you in these photos or just put them on? I know you can put a block on it so you have to authorise any photos or posts that you're tagged in and they won't go public until you say it's okay but I don't think you can do much if it's just on her FB.

I would not be happy, I'm currently expecting my first and I've already been asked when I'm doing the 'Facebook announcement'. Some people like to live their lives through social media unfortunately.

Not sure what solution you have apart from reporting the photos when she puts them up or keep asking her not to put any up in the first place. Not sure why it's so difficult for her to understand that you don't want any photos on there. Could your DH have a quiet word?

Yep, what someone else has said re that spring memory collage thing.
The pictures on it are ones that FB picks and chooses to put together a montage, so the photos on there are ones she's already put up and are on there!
Sounds like she's got you on restricted if you can't see any of them.
Do you have any mutual friends or relatives who would let you log in as them so you could see what she's actually got on there?
That's what I'd do.
She's rude and well out of order, she has no right to put up pics if you don't want them.

@Sarahjconnor oh my word! I have gone red dot your friend just reading that, she must have been mortified.

In a way I'm not surprised to hear this is something that happens so often but I suppose it's a bit of a comfort to know I'm not being a complete cow by being so angered by it.

Like PP said it's a feeling of being violated and like my wishes as a parent don't matter.

It's like they are undermining me.

@Wonkypalmtree - I hadn't thought of that actually but I think you are right, I think it's memories of pics that had been previously posted. If so then I hadn't seen them until today. I'll be pissed if they had been posting and blocking me from those certain posts. Pissed, but not entirely surprised.

Arghhh this enrages me so much! Partly because I know I'm going to have to have strong words with some of my own family about this!

I second the loooong boring lecture idea - make it so awful that she wont want to face it again.

I can confirm that those photos in the collage are already up - can you access her page via someone else's facebook to find out what's really on there?

@Juells haha it was dp who took it. The pic is really of newborn ds in my arms, neither of us realised til later that you could also see my breasts. I didn't care if our families saw me looking drugged up and half decent, but couldn't believe he put it on fb!