School promoting perfect boys... what am I missing?

[HateUnderwear]

DS(6) is Year 1. We ve had lots of school events recently and there is one thing I just can't get over: they constantly have the same boys for key events. Could be lead characters in school plays, end of year videos, friday's newsletter. Always the same clever perfect speaking, perfect looking boys.
Im trying to not let this affect me, but I'm quite sad my boy is not good enough to be "presented" in events. The image they are trying to portray just seems too superficial, and is actually coming across like they're 'hiding' the less perfect/intelligent boys from events, taking away the opportunity for them to show their skills, and boost their confidence

AIBU to be annoyed? Is this common/normal?

I think it's normal, but it's irritating.

Talk to them? Ask how they would feel if it were their child. Point out this is where confidence comes from

It's fucking annoying. My son's in year 4. For the last 3 years I know in advance who'll get speaking parts in assemblies and plays. It's always a huge waste of time for my son who gets to sit through hours of rehearsals and occasionally banging a tambourine. So annoying!

Glad is not just me at least, this is really annoying isn't it? It is just shit 💩
We ve had to seat through 2 hour prize giving the other day... other boys' prizes!

I talked to them, they said I shouldn't complain cause he's been mentioned at the Assembley in January 🤔

This will very likely be a key component of school life, I'm afraid. There is a girl in DD's class (Yr6) who wins everything, is head girl, rep for everything. She is bright and capable but other children are constantly overlooked and could be given a chance to develop their skills and shine. She is one of the eldest in the class, has parents very involved with the school and who are themselves highly-educated high achievers. As the parent of a very young in the year, socially awkward child who is nonethless very bright, I find it constantly frustrating, especially dealing with her mum's humble brags.
Tonight we have heard of yet another major achievement for this child and I am feeling particularly sad about my own child's lack of recognition but ultimately I try to remember that it's not this child's fault, that she has achieved a great deal and deserves congratulation and the issue, if any, probably lies in the school's decisions to consistently select a sure thing. I haven't yet but I am tempted to raise this via the feedback forms (which, admittedly, only come out once a year). I try to celebrate my child's achievements at home and to reassure her that she is loved and valued. If it's any consolation I find that sometimes the quieter ones come into their own later in their school careers and then the schools are only too keen to celebrate them then. (I was one of these.)

It's awful. I love our school, they bend over backwards to include and in the plays there's never one main part, in assembly everyone gets something to say. I don't understand why you wouldn't do this as a teacher.

I teach music and performing arts and this makes me so cross! Every child gets something to do in every play and assembly that we do. If it doesn’t have enough lines then I write some more! Obviously those who are really strong get more to do, but I audition for everything (including the infant nativity) and distribute parts accordingly.

I don't understand why you wouldn't do this as a teacher
Any half decent teacher would try to include in my opinion. Don't get me wrong, none of us are perfect, but you can tell how students respond to those of us who try to include and celebrate everyone vs the staff who don't.

There's a time and a place though. E.g. the best singers might get solos, the best players make the team etc, but that should also go hand in hand with celebrating other qualities (e.g. I nominated one of my SEND children for an English award earlier this year. They are heavily dyslexic with other needs but actually they've done so well and have all the best qualities of a lovely person and learner.)

Thank you for your messages, they reminded me to celebrate his achievements properly which I probably fail to do as I'm constantly pissed off with this situation 🙁
I'm going to have to accept it and move on, it seems from your posts it's a common theme

That’s normal, every school has favourites who get picked for everything, if you aren’t picked then you lose. I even know one headteacher giving the SATs answers to one kid who was the favourite and then bragged to everyone how that kid got 100%

It's even the same in special school. I know who will be in the local paper when the school does something, who will be on the website etc... the same 'cute disabled' (always in a wheelchair smiling)..never the child whose condition makes them less photogenic, or child who doesn't smile at the right moment. Annoys the hell out of me!

I'm glad to say this isn't my experience at all in our local state primary.
Everyone gets a line in a play, no one more than a few lines, all seems to be fairly evenly spread out.
Mind, in year 1, there will be children still unable to read or trust yet with learning the lines and speaking them on stage, so it is likely to be the more capable ones at this age. At our school, the 'weaker' ones would be helped at smaller events until they're ready.

I noticed the children of the PTA members, or Govenors get chosen for things and treats in our school, and in the senior schools, the Govenors children.
Its very annoying. I joined the PTA for a while, and my child too was chosen for newspaper articles, recording for a website etc. So I was correct.
Richer notable local families also have their children chosen for things too !

My 8 year old ds is one of the boys you are talking about, he is picked to do absolutely everything. Hes definately not perfect though, he is almost bottom of the class in maths/english and not really the best behaved in lessons but the school still parade him out for any public or special event because hes confident, well spoken, attractive and good at sports and drama. Obviously I like getting to see him do these things and he is good at them but I am well aware there are other children who have worked much harder in class and havent had their parents called in multiple times this term due to their behaviour who are much more deserving.

Yeah, teachers do have favourites. There's a real drama-queen kid who seems to get all the choir solos, which upsets DD who can also sing, and my MIL pointed out when she heard one song they did with this kid's solos that a school choir shouldn't give all the solo verses (and there were lots of them) to one child, it should be split between a few of them.

We have asked DD to put herself forward to music teacher for solos and offer to sing for her - OP, is there anything your son might want to do in school to put himself 'out there'? Does he have the confidence to maybe ask to do more? I think sometimes teachers stereotype a child as 'quiet' or 'not confident' and they don't give them a shot at things, when actually they're perfectly capable.

This is my absolute bugbear. The confident kids get picked for sporting/drama events. They get more confident, so they get picked again etc. The quieter kids, some really talented, get overlooked, so they get less confident, less likely to volunteer so get overlooked again etc. There is no sense of spotting talent and developing it.

I think this is quite common,unfortunately. I noticed it when I was at primary school,and then again when my DD was at primary school. There were 3 girls and 2 boys in her year who were ALWAYS picked to read aloud in assemblies,were always given the leading roles in plays,were always chosen to be prefects and always won any competitions. It used to rile me something awful. Looks like school favouritism is still alive and kicking then.

You know what op, I had exactly the same with my dc’s all through prep, then bang! They hit secondary and now all the prizes are coming our way! It’s heartbreaking when your 6yo isn’t considered “the best” but as long as they have a solid base of love and resilience, their strengths will come out.

At my sons school I see the opposite! Always promoting the 'naughty'/'annoying' etc... kids to prove they are being'inclusive'. Which means my DS, who is (amazing in my opinion, but) very 'average', never gets a look in at anything!

At my pushy girls prep one overly involved mum whose kids did/won everything (esp the school plays as this mum BOUGHT ALL THE EXPENSIVE COSTUMES AKA A BIG FAT BRIBE ) presented the school with a cup for drama when her eldest of two dc was in the last year, then her young child won it! They actually had the face to go ‘and the Higgledy-Piggledy Cup for Drama goes to... Mary Higgledy-Piggledy! What an enormous surprise that is in no way biased or prejudiced or indeed just bought by yr mum, engraved with yr name and given to us as some kind of bung. Come on up, Mary!’

Names have been changed.

The most hilarious thing was that there was a girl in my class who wasn’t as academic although very very smart, who was completely incredible at drama, outstandingly so, and they wouldn’t even give it to her!

‘Twas some great educationing in Life’s Not Fair, I tell you.

(NB Mary has gone on to be super successful in chosen competitive field, there is no karma sadly. Although in herself I’m sure she is perfectly nice!)

Same grrrr. Star of the week rendered meaningless when the little git who spat at my dd is named the "star"

At Ds's prep they chose him for the solo in the year 1 nativity and I nearly fell over. He has autism and would never have put himself forward (nor did he actually want to do it!). But they got him to do it and he nailed it. They spent ages building him up to it. It was a huge boost to his confidence. He was the absolute weakest choice for the role. Not all schools are shit.

This is rubbish of the school. One thing I love about dd2's performing arts class is that they never give the starring roles to the same kids 2 years running - everyone gets their time to shine, whether or not they're the 'top talents'.

It gives a boost to the less confident, and stops the 'stars' becoming entitled little wotsits too. Surely it shouldn't be beyond the wit of a school to understand this?

My son’s prep never chose him for anything (stammer, bad except and dyslexia) until a lovely young English teacher chose him for the starring role in the school play (brave man), and I have to say he was really very good!

With my extremely good looking and sporty younger son, it was a different matter!