School promoting perfect boys... what am I missing?

[HateUnderwear]

DS(6) is Year 1. We ve had lots of school events recently and there is one thing I just can't get over: they constantly have the same boys for key events. Could be lead characters in school plays, end of year videos, friday's newsletter. Always the same clever perfect speaking, perfect looking boys.
Im trying to not let this affect me, but I'm quite sad my boy is not good enough to be "presented" in events. The image they are trying to portray just seems too superficial, and is actually coming across like they're 'hiding' the less perfect/intelligent boys from events, taking away the opportunity for them to show their skills, and boost their confidence

AIBU to be annoyed? Is this common/normal?

My blessedly wonderful but academically average son never made the newsletter or the school posters and I was never chosen as a mum helper despite applying a million times! His face clearly didn't fit and neither did mine.

I don't really understand why anyone would put up with this rubbish from a prep! I'd vote with my feet.

I remember when I was in primary school I got picked to be on the cricket team and go and play matches at other schools.
When I told my mum about it she said "that's ridiculous you've never played cricket in your life, they've picked you because your pretty"
She was absolutely right I had no interest in cricket whatsoever and was pretty useless. I really appreciated my mum for her honesty, she always complimented me in my strengths and built my confidence but she wasnt a fool.

I tell my children that star of the week is nothing to do with them - It's a tool used by teachers to get disruptive children to behave. The less times they get it, the better it seems!

On the other hand DS's prep have just put out a lovely photo of his class. DS and one of his friends are at the front sticking their tongues out and pointing !! DS delighted - its funny mummy we were so happy :) They've used the caption "Encouraging self expression"

The rest of the children were standing sedately behind them.

they also gave him a speaking part in recent play despite the fact he wouldn't stop wriggling!

DS is dyspraxic and probably has ADD as well so these things matter more

If it helps my middle-of-the-road, quiet DD went to primary school with a very confident child.

Said child's mother was a teacher at the school, child was picked for everything, child won everything, child went to a Grammar school....roll on 4 years and my DD got (much) better GSCE results in the core subjects then other child. Tortoise and the hare.

How weird. maked me appreciate our school even more. every child has a speaking part in every play, assembly etc. They don't have a lot of awards (only 4 per yeargroup and year), but no child gets 2 awards at the same time. awards are academic, manners/behaviour/kindness, sport (football, running, dance etc, so no need to go to the same person every year), and community engagement (very broad - from
helping the litle ones at school to doing a fundraiser). no obvious repetitions so far

I think this is very much dependent on the school and the image it wants to portray.

My DC went to primary schools that had very varied intakes, and they absolutely tried to include everyone. Everyone had a line in the school play (unless they didn't want to take and then they were found a non-speaking role); every child's achievements were praised, even if they were mediocre by other's standards. At the Y6 leavers' assembly every child had a personal certificate praising their individual achievement.

I'm guessing OP's DC goes to a fairly "pushy" school - 2 hour prize givings for Year 1 are not a norm I recognise ...

That's a really good point @RedSkyLastNight
If you choose a private school based on their claims of excellent results etc, then they inevitably will choose the more capable pupils as it makes their shows and sports match results better.
This is imo definitely an area that state is better than private.
My children at state are still in every thing going as it's all inclusive, whereas their peers at the local private primary are tested to see if they're good enough for choir, sports teams etc

DD1 found it really hard at secondary, as there was one subject she was very very good at, but the "achievement"prize for that subject always went to the "most improved" rather than best at the subject, so despite getting the best marks in her year every year, she never got the subject prize. At the same time, her tutor was a boys PE teacher, and only approved of sporty DC. He never gave DD her house colours (which went to DC taking part in inter-house activities) as she didn't do the sports ones, just the academic ones. She did get her own back on him though, because out of school she took part in a sport, got a coaching qualification, and volunteered at the school club for that sport. PE teacher walked in to the sports hall as she was demonstrating an arm move, flung her arms up in the air, and walloped him in the face . he was (literally LOL) gobsmacked that DD was a qualified sports coach, as he'd type-cast her as the quiet geeky one.

I’m 46 now but when I was at infant school i was a fairly advanced learner and a plain looking child. I always got picked to be the narrator or play an instrument for which I had to wear school uniform while all the other kids got to dress up. My (what is now) Y2 teacher saw this and cast me as the fairy queen in the play, getting me a fabulous sparkly tutu. I was aware that I was studious and plain and that’s why I never got picked. I’ve never forgotten that teachers kindness and the little boost to my esteem.

@arethereanyleftatall i disagree. it depends on the school, not private/state. my son is at a private school where every child gets a chance to shine, and they very much value results. just not only results.
They don't give daily/weekly awards as most state schools around here (which in the extreme devalues behaviour- a friends child has over 20 awards until now in reception. she now thinks saying thank you is an achievement that needs to be rewarded rather than normal) but the awards they give are widespread and fair (see my post above).

Sorry @Yura my post was ambiguous.
I didn't mean all private schools, I'm sure some are lovely and inclusive like our state school is. I meant some private schools, i.e. my local one, have an image to protect & project, an image of excellence.

It's irritating yes. FWIW DS's school doesn't do that, at least for the younger kids. All get fairly equal parts in the play, all will have been up in assembly for something. Jobs at open days etc are shared out equally.

Seems like a fairly true reflection of life really. Maybe the lesson is to consider what you want and then go after it?

Thank you all. We are private actually and it's interesting some of you said that's the image they want to put out there possibly for revenue. Hadn't even crossed my mind when we decided to go down that route

And for the poster who mentioned the 'star of the week' girl who spat on her kid... yes we were told to fuck off by the kid who got the first gold star of the year! All very lovely .
I should be giving my boy more Well dones for what he's achieved, I don't think I'm doing that enough
Thank you all

I do think all schools are different. DSs prep are lovely with him and accepting of all sorts of abilities and differences between children and Ithink thats one of their major selling points. They get sone fantastic results but other things are much mire improtant to them.

The school 5 minutes down the road though would not touch him with a barge pole.. he wouldnt last a term. They are so hard they actually advise parents to pull children out at the end of reception of they dont think they're bright enough - ds has 2 of those boys in his class this year

I noticed the children of the PTA members, or Govenors get chosen for things and treats in our school, and in the senior schools, the Govenors children.

It’s the opposite in the school mine go too.

The head is trying to address it ever since one child told him she was going to ask her mum to leave the pta so that she could be in a play or assembly. They took “can’t be seen playing favourites” who a whole new level

Regarding the children of the PTA getting the good roles etc, I think people miss the point here.
They don't get the roles simply because their mum is chair of the PTA, but because of the type of child they're likely to be. If a parent is chair of PTA, prepared to give up time helping others, then you can bet they are incredibly supportive of their own children first and foremost. That child will have been read with aplenty, have homework support etc etc, they are general capable children.