To just want a job rather than a career

[Pansy0926]

I got and good grades in school and a 2.1 honours degree, so far following what I felt family and my teachers expected of me. Four years later I work in a supermarket deli counter and I try to hide whenever I see one of my old teachers in the store. After years of expectations ( mostly my own) I feel let down by the way my career progression stuttered to a halt as soon as it came to finding a ‘real’ job. And yet...I feel content in the situation I am in.

I didn’t really choose a particularly useful course to get a degree in, I followed my heart. The career I was aiming for turned out to be so competitive to get into that I did a few days as a volunteer (which was uninspiring because I wasn’t given any relevant work to do) and then looked at the struggle ahead of me and decided I enjoyed my supermarket job well enough thank you and decided not to try any further. You might say I had a lack of will power but honestly my interests lie with my husband and two kids, and quite apart from the long hours and stress the career would have brought me, the challenge to get myself to an employable state for the position I wanted was very expensive, and would take years, and also very stressful. I didn’t currently have the time or money for any more further education , which I would need.

Anyway, three years on I am still at the supermarket. I get on well with the other staff and enjoy my job, though I wouldnt say I love it, and when I work hard I can earn a decent amount. I have a constant feeling of worry that I havent got a real career, that I am wasting myself in my current position...and so on. However, I have a nice home and two lovely kids and a husband. My home and social life are great. I am happy. So I can’t help wondering if I achieved those goals so early - too early - and that’s why the career thing is stressing me out so much. Most of my friends are childless and aspire to what I have, but as I already have it, I suppose I’m directionless.

As I’m a little bit older now I’m starting to understand that maybe I’m happy being mediocre. Maybe I can relax and enjoy my kids and my life, and stop stressing about whether I should enrol in this or that course, and wondering where I would get the money to do so. I’d like to focus on a hobby instead, and direct my focus on working on my marriage. For me, these things are always pushed aside and I end up frantically researching careers and courses on my iPad when I could be taking up yoga or going for a run, or watching a movie with DH.

I have constantly felt like I need to be studying towards some career or other, but I can never decide which one. I always get put off by various things - I don’t like managing other people, I don’t like too much responsibility, I don’t want to be stressed outside my work hours or have to move to another town...

Is it wrong that I, a bright, high achieving kid when I was at school, want to consider just sticking to a min wage type job instead of aspiring to a career? Has anyone else made this decision and how has it been for you?

Similar story here.. good degree, but had four children and a husband in eh forces, so did 'bt part' jobs to fit around us all. No 4 child was born with special needs and after volunteering to help at his special school, I ended up a TA there and 14 years later... still am!

I did leave to try a different job but missed the kids, the staff, the cheerful supportive atmosphere. The pay is dire, but I do my job as best I can, and go home and relax. My closest friend is the opposite..career driven and has an incedible home, career and salary, but has barely any time to relax. I won't be wealthy in retirement but I am content :) I have time for my hobby, (learning the guitar) which I love.
There is nothing wrong in being content!!!

What does your husband do/earn? Are you able to cover half of the bills (or whatever percentage you’ve both decided is fair)?

I have a career - although I work part time - my time away from work is spent thinking about work or doing the paperwork I didn’t get done in my working hours. I never fully switch off and focus on my kids even at weekends, which are a constant rush trying to fit everything in. I would love to just walk away from it all to have ‘just a job’. You sound like you have your priorities just right to me

What was your degree in? I bet there’s a related career you could work fewer hours in and feel more fulfilled in.

It sounds like you have found the holy grail of contentment - apart from worrying what others think. So my advice would be to work on that, then you have the perfect life for you.

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with just wanting a job not a career. I’d say the vast majority have jobs not careers. It’s a privilege to be able to work a job you’re deeply passionate about, most people just go to work to pay the bills.

But I can’t help but think there’s a double standard on mn sometimes, if you were a man posting or a woman posting about how her DH has a degree and is smart but is content working in a supermarket for the foreseeable future, a lot of people would say that that’s wrong in some respects, and that he ought to want to ‘do better’ or bring in more money for the sake of the family finances.

Which is why I’m curious about your DH, and his job/Income. If he’s fine with bringing in the majority or you can live fine with both of you on a low wage that’s fine. But if he feels resentment or would rather you were putting your education to more use/sees you as not pulling your weight, that’s a different issue.

Did anyone else who read this instantly wonder if the response would have been this supportive had it been a man posting, not a woman?

comparison is the theif of joy OP!

If it makes you feel better, I guess I have the career and I often think that my life would be simpler and happier if I worked at a job I could leave behind at the end of the day. I worry about having kids and the effect it will have on my career. I frequently go days at a time where I hardly see my DH.

I'm not just moaning - I love my job and I do get satisfaction from having a good career etc etc. It is (I think!) the right choice for me. But there is nothing at all wrong with or missing from your life if you're happy! A career is only way of filling a life with value. That you've found other ways isn't a sign that something is wrong with you.

OP not everyone wants a career but as long as you can contribute financially towards your family in a meaningful way.

I see loads of women on MN stating they don't want a high paying job and are happy to work part time on a lower salary but that is because they are enjoying the largesse of a higher earning husband. Be careful not to jeopardise your security (eg long term financial security) and that of your DCs including the opportunities available to them because you are too comfortable.

PS I agree with PP in that I’m not so sure you ARE genuinely happy, if you were I don’t think you’d feel the need to justify yourself quite so much on here.

Also you seem to think that getting a 2.1 degree means you were destined for a glittering career, if anything i’d reassure you that’s not the case much of the time! And if you’re worried about the judgment of others/ex teachers, don’t. Tonnes of people go to uni without a career in mind after, or they do have one in mind but end up just staying in a low wage job rather than pursuing a career. It’s nothing to be ashamed of. When I delivered pizzas for a chain takeaway during Uni I was working alongside some extremely smart people with degrees in law, accountancy, English etc. who hadn’t pursued it any further.

Working in a retail or supermarket job says nothing about your intelligence or education levels.

I'd say if you are happy then it doesn't matter at all.

However, the fact that you hide from your old teachers suggests that you are not as happy in this job as you think you are

Is it wrong that I, a bright, high achieving kid when I was at school, want to consider just sticking to a min wage type job instead of aspiring to a career? There are a plenty of bright women with good grades and degrees in minimum wage jobs out there. They often end up there and it suits them because they have a husband who ‘earns way more than them anyway’ (endlessly proclaimed phrase on MN) and they have already committed to the confines of childcare. If you are in this boat and it suits you then fine and well, stick with it and enjoy yourself. What age are you and your children? My worry would be that regret might set in when they fly the nest and you seek more stimulating reflection at the end of the day than how much cheese you sold that shift!

Also, I have a first and my job has absolutely naff all to do with my degree.

I did it because I enjoyed it. I do my job because I enjoy it (and it pays the bills)

Loads of people in the UK end up in jobs or careers not related to their degree. For example I know a lot of accountants with degrees in everything or nothing. Within 10 years of getting their professional qualifications most seem to find jobs they are happy in with the amount of stress they can cope with. Some of them it's working from home the majority of the time, some working part-time, and others it's climbing the career ladder to get to an even higher position with more money and responsibility.

What I'm saying is there are a jobs out there that pay more than supermarkets so you could live independently if you ever had to, which would have the amount of stress you want.

As you work in a customer facing role I suggest you start talking to customers more and find out what sort of jobs they do as it may give you ideas of what you might like to move into next. Obviously you can only do this when the counter isn't busy but that would give you can indication of what jobs out there that do and don't require you to work all hours.

I see loads of women on MN stating they don't want a high paying job and are happy to work part time on a lower salary but that is because they are enjoying the largesse of a higher earning husband. Be careful not to jeopardise your security (eg long term financial security) and that of your DCs including the opportunities available to them because you are too comfortable.

This is smart.

If you’re only able to live a nice lifestyle (and this is purely speculative cos for all I know your husband is unemployed) because your husband is earning the money, and your deli counter job is a luxury rather than a necessity, I’d be sure to question whether this is going to work long term for the family.

And most importantly, how you would manage in the event of a split. If you leave it too long after Uni to get into a career related to your degree your qualification becomes out of date and it’s very difficult to compete against new graduates. If you divorced, could you cope financially on your own with the wage you’re on now? If so, great! But if not I wouldn’t be so quick to throw away the chance of a decent career because you don’t fancy it right now. Think long term.

I'm on a low salary and I'm a single parent so I don't have anyone to share the bills with. I'm still happy with it, I purposefully chose to live in an area where it's cheap to live and I manage fine. We aren't living a life of luxury but we aren't starving either.

Yadnbu.
I have a higher than min wage role which I loathe.
Would love to leave and work in a library/volunteer and spend more time at home.

I totally agree with all the posters here - you do not need to have a career and if the job that you do fits with your family and works then that is fine.

What I wanted to add however is the aspect of work I do miss at the moment. Challenges. Whilst not always welcome, challenges in my work did provide an emotional benefit which an “easy job” does not. In the same way as being a parent can also stretch you and make you really stretch and give way more than you think you could possibly.
It is a trade off and many working mothers struggle with this: often taking less fulfilling roles, part time or flexible positions in order to be able to do tha nursery/school drop off and pick up.
I’m not saying you have to change, I often swung between being glad my last job was less challenging but more flexible and wanting a more serious role. It’s more being aware and either changing or compensating in other ways (like a new hobby) if that helps.

Well OP you work in the supermarket. Is it a big brand supermarket? Have you considered moving up the chain within your organization? Your working on the Deli counter and gaining lots of experience. That will make you more confident. Look for opportunities to move up a rung.

To me the important things are can you enjoy/tolerate/manage your job?

Does it make you enough money?

If the answers to these are yes, well its a good start.

As long as people are sure their lovely DPs won't suddenly decide they want to separate 17 years down the line like mine does (yes I know I sound bitter :( ). Would your deli job be enough to support you?

I have put my everything into the business that DP and I created. Now he's suddenly decided this is not the life he wants after all, nor am I the woman he wants. I am unqualified for anything except the extremely niche thing I have been doing for 13 years, and have no experience to fall back on (I don't count four A Levels and an Arts degree as qualified for anything really). I look at job descriptions and I don't even understand them.

I guess there's no looking into the future though.

But surely women can fleece their husbands through the courts on divorce...?

VladimirsPoutine I get what you are saying, it I don’t think starting a career later in life is fanciful. Harder, yes, but not impossible or unusual. I know of plenty of people who have had a late life career change or two. Hopefully by then I will know exactly what I want to do and have the determination to see it through.

Life is too short for jobs we don't enjoy, we spend a huge amount of our time there. If you are genuinely happy in your job then there is absolutely no harm staying there.

@HesterShaw1 my mum ended up a young widow and didn't have a career she could fall back on. She suffered until she remarried and then got some qualifications so she could work in more than just menial jobs. I also grew up with two friends' whose dads became very ill so couldn't work. One suffered like my mum did, while the other had no problems being the main breadwinner because she always did more than menial roles. So while it is far more common to be divorced there are other scenarios where as a woman you may be forced by circumstances to be the main bread winner.

LyndseyKola I am able to earn just enough to support my family alone. DH is the stay at home parent while I work every shift offered. We’re obviously not at all well off but we are good at budgeting and not overspending. He does odd jobs when there is the opportunity for it. If DH was to leave me, I’d essentially have to be a single mum on benefits. No this isn’t good but to be honest it’s not like I have the money to train up and change careers anyway.