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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be put off shopping by some security guards

64 replies

NoLongerAskedForID · 05/07/2018 14:11

I was shopping today, the only one in an aisle of baby foods, perusing the wide range at my leisure.

Suddenly a security guard situations himself at the ends of the aisle, resolutely staring towards the rest of the shop but perpendicular to me. He stayed there like a statue the entire time I was there.

I felt under scrutiny and looking through the range was no longer enjoyable. I wasn't nervous, just really really annoyed

I had to go to another aisle some distance away before paying and who wanders past but me security guard. At this point I politely asked him if he was following me. There wasn't much of an exchange because really, what's the point.

I know they have an important job to do. I know they need to make their presence known and yes profiling (woman with pram) is probably part of their job. But the way in which he acted was essentially saying "I suspect you, I have my eye on you."

Aibu to take exception to being ear marked as a potential (likely?) shop lifter and placed under such scrutiny? I wanted to quietly shop and instead I was treated like a criminal. I honestly don't have a chip on my shoulder, I'd like to think I'm relaxed in general and understanding of the fact that people have jobs to do, we should respect that even if it's unpalatable (parking wardens etc).

However I just can't accept this. It really really puts me off shopping and makes me more likely to put down my stuff and walk away, or shop elsewhere (online.)

OP posts:
MikeUniformMike · 05/07/2018 14:15

It was probably the pram. If you carry a large bag, you will get followed round shops too.

Unfinishedkitchen · 05/07/2018 14:36

No YANBU. I’ve left shops before if they’ve had a rubbish security guard. Once when I was a teen I was trying to buy my DM a Christmas present and one security guard was so close the entire time that I thought he’d eventually end up on top of me so I left and gave my custom to another store. I complained about another security guard to a supermarket manager when it was obvious the security guard was watching my every step - he was literally behind me looking in my basket at one point. Whilst he was focused on me alone someone else was probably filling their boots - would’ve served him right. Looking young and being mixed race doesn’t make me a criminal.

If a security guard is any good, you will not even notice they’re there. They will also not only focus on one person because often it’s the person who looks least likely to steal that’s the thief. You don’t have to shop somewhere you feel intimidated.

IsItThatTimeAlready131 · 05/07/2018 14:38

Easier to steal, small, higher value goods (like baby food\products) are targets for thieves. The security guard was probably making sure you were aware there was a security presence in the shop.

If a guard shows they are there they are trying to deter people from shoplifting, if you can't really tell they are there they are probably watching from afar waiting to have a (repeat) shoplifter arrested on leaving the store.

Unfortunately it is not easy to tell from appearance which customers are actually shoplifters so security staff will assume everyone who enters a shop is a potential thief! It is a result of the fact that some people steal from shops, everyone comes under suspicion.

kitkatsky · 05/07/2018 14:38

Haven't had this since I was a teen, but it's awful- constant security guards and people asking if you need any help, right at the age where you do often spend longer browsing. I appreciate it's also the age of shoplifting too, but yeah, annoying

Aprilshouldhavebeenmyname · 05/07/2018 14:39

When ds was small I suggested to one he could carry my basket as he was going to follow me around anyway!!
He huffed off!!

Bombardier25966 · 05/07/2018 14:45

It's annoying but gives us an insight into what it must be like for young black men, who are constantly being targeted by security, police etc.

Pompom42 · 05/07/2018 14:46

Me and my friend had this once about 10 years ago and we basically looked around the shop with no security guard in sight, I went and paid for something and as we approached the door a security guard appeared from nowhere and matched my friend back into the store. She hadn't stolen a thing but apparently "looked like" a person they'd caught couple times before. She was really upset and mortified about it and he'd obviously chosen the wrong person.
There's a security guard in my local Sainsburys that really stares at you so makes you feel guilty even when you haven't done anything wrong.

Chocolatecoffeeaddict · 05/07/2018 14:48

I've had this. I just ignore and continue with my shopping or start following them as I'm shopping.

Polly2345 · 05/07/2018 14:49

This happened to me in a shop once about 15 years ago. Never been back.

Pleasedontdrawonyoursister · 05/07/2018 14:50

It’s annoying, I get it sometimes when I have the buggy with me. If I’m not in a rush I like to wander round the shop aimlessly for a while until they get bored Grin

MissionItsPossible · 05/07/2018 14:50

Young looking and mixed race here too and get followed and stared at every single time (apart from where I’m a regular). Par for the course. If I’m wearing a hoodie they’re practically attached to me.

MissionItsPossible · 05/07/2018 14:51

I was meant to tag @Unfinishedkitchen in my above post

PretABoire · 05/07/2018 14:54

Bizarrely this always happens to me at Pets at Home, it's almost funny seeing the security dude appearing at the other end of any aisle I go into!! I just smile and continue my perfectly legal behaviour, but yes @Bombardier25966 makes a fantastic point about how people must feel when they are profiled constantly.

mostdays · 05/07/2018 15:00

DH gets eyeballed and followed by security guards everywhere we go, and if we're ever going into a venue and some people are being chosen to be searched you can guarantee he'll be one of them. The problem is now that it has become a silly in joke between us so as soon as a security guard starts watching and following him we start sniggering, which I think upsets them a bit. Ds1 is the image of his dad and also has stared to become a security guard magnet... maybe they are trained using photos of people who look like dh and Ds1, hmmm.

HildaZelda · 05/07/2018 15:02

This happened to me with the security guard in my local Aldi. I knew someone working there and mentioned it to them.
Turned out he fancied me Grin

heatwave2018 · 05/07/2018 15:05

Yeah it's probably the pram they might have had a lot of thefts using prams. I always feel under suspicion when shopping but that must mean they are good at their job!

InTheLightOfTheMoon · 05/07/2018 15:06

This happens to me alot. It tends to happen when you go shopping with alot of children, (obviously stand out!) it happened in boots and now I no longet go in there. He was literally stood by the door then followed me down to the baby aisle and stood there staring.

AugustRose · 05/07/2018 15:09

This used to happen to me when I was younger. I was 22 when DC1 was born but looked younger and was followed a lot when he was in his pram.

My sister (who worked in a supermarket at the time) told me it was because it was easy to slip things under the pram cover or nappy bag. It did make me feel like shit and stopped me going to certain shops for a while. The big Boots shop in Newcastle Eldon Square was one of them.

PerryPerryThePlatypus · 05/07/2018 15:11

I work in retail and our most frequent flyers in the security office are mums with prams. Our security guards are very up on the job and have the shop a lot of money and therefore the customer.

BigbreastsBiggerbeard · 05/07/2018 15:14

I've had this, it drives me crazy. I complained to the managed in Lidl the other day as it was SO obvious that the security guard was following me. The managed apologised and said I wasn't the first to bring this to his attention. He said he'd have a word with the 'guard' and apologised. I haven't been in since as I'm intimidated and angry and I know that I'll be having words with the guard if it happens again, and I'm too knackered right now to bother with confrontation.

I had a small backpack.

BigbreastsBiggerbeard · 05/07/2018 15:15

I meant manager, obviously. Clearly, I'm too annoyed at the recollection to spell correctly...

SilverHairedCat · 05/07/2018 15:16

Yes, it's frustrating. I challenge them. I'm a 30-something white woman, no kids, (so no obvious racism / profiling / factors known) and an ex police officer. I have been followed round shops many times, I've no idea why!!

I particularly got shirty with the guy who opened the changing room curtain on my maid of honour who was trying on multiple gowns in House of Fraser. Fortunately for him, she was fully dressed, as she has PTSD from sexual and domestic abuse and has massive trust issues with men. That could have triggered a massive attack for her.

Another moron followed me round WHSmith. I was still serving at the time and had spotted a couple acting strangely. This guy was fixed on me, and missed the girl putting a large and valuable book into the boy's rucksack. I asked the guard to stop following me, showed him my badge and pointed out the couple heading for the door and suggested he might like to check his bag instead of watching me. Idiot.

AuntyJackiesBrothersSistersBoy · 05/07/2018 15:21

Me too! Today I had 40 mins to kill in either Boots or M&S. The counter ladies were all hanging about doing nothing and asked could they help with anything, which is fine obviously but even after I explained I was having a quiet “child free” mooch, they were still watching me. It made me feel like a criminal.

Potato2242 · 05/07/2018 15:22

You felt under scrutiny because he stood along side you at the other end of an isle, not staring at you but the rest of the shop, positioning himself so he was aware of where the customers were, including you, and then walked past? You'd hate where I work. They security guards actually speak to you and ask how your day is!

SilverHairedCat · 05/07/2018 15:25

*meant to say, I acknowledge my total white privilege in not having to consider racism as a factor in my life.