To be put off shopping by some security guards

[NoLongerAskedForID]

I was shopping today, the only one in an aisle of baby foods, perusing the wide range at my leisure.

Suddenly a security guard situations himself at the ends of the aisle, resolutely staring towards the rest of the shop but perpendicular to me. He stayed there like a statue the entire time I was there.

I felt under scrutiny and looking through the range was no longer enjoyable. I wasn't nervous, just really really annoyed

I had to go to another aisle some distance away before paying and who wanders past but me security guard. At this point I politely asked him if he was following me. There wasn't much of an exchange because really, what's the point.

I know they have an important job to do. I know they need to make their presence known and yes profiling (woman with pram) is probably part of their job. But the way in which he acted was essentially saying "I suspect you, I have my eye on you."

Aibu to take exception to being ear marked as a potential (likely?) shop lifter and placed under such scrutiny? I wanted to quietly shop and instead I was treated like a criminal. I honestly don't have a chip on my shoulder, I'd like to think I'm relaxed in general and understanding of the fact that people have jobs to do, we should respect that even if it's unpalatable (parking wardens etc).

However I just can't accept this. It really really puts me off shopping and makes me more likely to put down my stuff and walk away, or shop elsewhere (online.)

This happens to me every time I go to a particular branch of Boots & a Sainsbury’s. I have no pram & don’t tend to carry a massive bag. Must just look dodgy. Pisses me right off.

Yes it is annoying.

But spare a thought for staff in some stores, who have their bags searched before they leave work for the day.

I was visiting England and went into a small shop where they had some perfumes on display which I was very interested in. I was the only customer there and the woman that worked there came out from behind the counter and stood silently next to me watching my hands intently.

It was too uncomfortable/intimidating for me and so I informed her she’d chased off a potential customer and left. btw; I’m white as she was.

This happened recently to me. I left the shop and havent been back.

The guard looked like a total knob, no smile just watching with this superior snooty look on his face. If I go shopping, I dont expect to be accused of being a thief, thank you very much.

I'm very much a normal run of the mill middle aged white woman, but clearly something about me made me look like a shoplifter!

Try being black!

You can't use your choice to shop elsewhere as you'd have very little options left.

I've had it since the age of 9 and I'm now in my 30s.

It's so bad that you start to internalise the suspicion. I feel nervous that I will be approached EVERY SINGLE TIME I walk out of a shop.

What's even harder is pointing out being followed. Most shoppers don't give you the benefit of the doubt so you just draw more attention to yourself and you only wanted a pint of milk and a loaf of fucking bread!

Virtually every black person will report this same experience. It's really damaging to your own mental health over time.

Me too! There I was, browsing the reduced knickers in TK Maxx, merrily, when a woman came to hover next to me, so close she was heating me up. I was crouching because the pants are on the bottom rung, so that must look suspicious, and my handbag was on the floor under the pants (ditto).

I do think, honestly, haven't they got better things to do, she was putting me off. The other thing you'd think is that surely they would be better off guarding the men's suits or the Prada bags, not the full brief multipacks.

YABU

If you didn't plan on stealing anything, why do you care? Maybe they had a warning that a shoplifter with a pram was going round the area at that time, maybe he had a bollocking from his boss for not being efficient.

He hasn't talked to you, he hasn't touch you, I can't see the issue. Even if you get stopped when you leave the store to show your ticket, or that you haven't nicked anything, so what? If you are innocent, nothing happens.

It's a bit like entering England, you pass through security and all families are stopped by custom offices who ask a few question. What's the big deal? If you are legal, you are not bothered.

Completely agree about having the audacity to give your money to a shop if you're black.

Racism in retail is horrifying - as a volunteer in a charity shop, I have lost count of the number of deranged managers who try and insist we patrol the shop trailling anyone non-white.

I point blank refuse, as it happens. My mate was sent round after a mum & daughter buying a dress after the manager hissed at her - the mother was a top doctor at the local hosp, v well known gynaecologist and an extremely generous cash donor to the charity.

I must say lots of us volunteers have been tempted to grass the racist managers up, but it's all verbal and they'd only deny it.

Lanaor, when I worked at TK I was told that pants and socks were the most commonly lifted items! Because they are flat and easy to slip/fold inside a jacket or bag. That's why so many of the men's pants and socks are security tagged..even cheaper ones

Ooooooh! How fascinating! now I know!!! That would be why all the multipack hangers had pants missing, then :)

Damn people doing their jobs. Whatever next.
And the PP who flashed a "badge" too get the guard off her back....there is a word for that.

Pretty much all the security guards round here are black. So im not sure its that.

I think your being very unreasonable actually.

My DH works in retail, their company security is poor.
Staff have been assaulted due to lack of security, on occasions entire shelves can be bare due to theft, if there was to be an argument or an incident between customers there's no one available to fix it a lot of the time.

Security play a vital role, yes they do follow people around looking threatening but that is rather the point...
As a fellow mum with a pram I have experienced security following me.
Why wouldn't they?
I'm walking round putting items into my bags and pram, how do they know I intend to pay for said items?
They don't!

I feel far far safer and more comfortable in a shop with adequate security than without personally, even if they are stalking me.

In my local supermarkets, they have someone stationed at the baby food isle constantly. I live in an area that's really deprived, lots of young teenage mums trying to make ends meet, so stealing formula and baby food and nappies just to get by. It's really sad actually

I would complain to the highest level if anyone opens the curtains of my changing room and they would have an earful from the start.

If someone is paid to follow me when I buying yogurts and shampoo, good luck to them. They must be dying of boredom.

trying to make ends meet, so stealing formula and baby food and nappies just to get by

or trying their luck and play the pity card if caught by carefully choosing essential baby items. Oldest trick in the book!

OP if that's all you ever have to worry about…

It's annoying but gives us an insight into what it must be like for young black men, who are constantly being targeted by security, police etc.

Yes. For example—I was in a council facility some years ago in London doing a leisure activity. The venue was quite busy as there was also a large group of teenage boys using the facilities. All of a sudden six coppers burst in shouting for all black males to lie face-down on the floor with their arms and legs outstretched. This instruction applied to around 20 of the boys present—everyone else was free to go on with their activities. What made it more upsetting was the matter-of-fact way in which these boys went about following the order—like it was a completely normal occurrence!
Anyway the police eventually selected the one boy they were looking for (apparently a robbery had been committed in the vicinity) and carted him off; the others than carried on as normal. I was actually shaking but they didn't seem fazed at all.

@peckhampaline. When did this happen because it sounds like bollocks to me.

People do not steal baby formula because they are struggling. They steal.it because it can be sold on really quick (to mother who are struggling) .

@Buster72 It was in the late 1990s and it absolutely happened just as I described it.
I was quite young at the time and the whole thing left me feeling enraged.

My DH is both a Security Guard and Black...so he gets crap from everybody! He doesn't work Retail - tried it once and said never again, he'd rather do football than retail because there are less problems.

These poor sods are just doing the job they're paid to do and will usually have been told to watch you by a Manager or CCTV operative who's decided your profile or behaviour is suspicious.

I've been watched many times by Security because I pick things up, wander round with them, go back and put them down, wander off, go back etc etc.....it doesn't bother me, I know I'm not doing wrong so why worry?

If people didn't steal from shops they wouldn't need Security- blame the problem, not the solution.

All of a sudden six coppers burst in shouting for all black males to lie face-down on the floor with their arms and legs outstretched.

If there's another knife attack in London right now, and multiple witness describe the attackers as young black men who just killed another young black man why would you want the cops to stop a swedish-looking mother with a baby in a sling for example?

@Buster72 yes I flashed the badge. Because I had to explain I was an off duty police officer who had just witnessed a shoplifting taking place that the guard had missed. I pointed the thieves out and let the guard deal with it as they hadn't left the shop yet. I was not telling them to back off, even if that is what I wanted to say.

I find boots a nightmare for this!

Believe me, it would bother you if you had spent your entire life being part of the profiled group, despite being honest and hardworking like everyone else.

It bothers me precisely because I have nothing to hide.

It has been my experience since a young child. That is horrible and you can't take what it does to the victim (me in this instance) for granted.

You wouldn't be saying the same if your daughter told you people assume she's 'up for it' because she wears a short skirt. You'd say the issue is with assumptions being made! You certainly wouldn't be saying the blame is with those that wear short skirts that may have also been up for it in the past.

Generalisations and stereotypes are wrong, end of.

It's up to each of us to challenge the ones we hold.

It's not my job to prove that your generalisations are wrong and it certainly isn't my job to teach my child that they should just accept others generalisations because of the colour of their skin, or the fact they want to become a mother and use a pushchair or whatever!

Stereotypes are illogical. I don't know why anyone wouldn't want to challenge their own and the stupidity that they display as a result.

If it forms part of your training that some people use a push chair to conceal theft and your own experience bears this out it is only fair to keep an eye n someone.

I do not recall the OP mentioning her race though.