to not carry DC's and their mate's bookbags?

[VikingBlonde]

Had a few kids coming home with us for playdates recently and I flatly refuse to carry anyone's bag. It's caused some upset from them and one of their mums commented on my 'tough love' attitude...

My kids love an effing huge Smiggle backpack filled with god knows what toot but I make them cart it back and forth. They want it, they carry it is my rule. The kids that come keep just HANDING me their bags as they exit the school and one huffed all the way home whining that it's SOOOO FAR and MY BAG IS SOOOO HEAVY and YOUR MAMA IS MEAN (that one demanded the WiFi code as soon as she got in)

It's a 10 minute walk max. With a backpack or a book bag. my DC's/their mates are 7 &9 I'm not a bloody mule... AIBU? What does everyone else do?

sockunicorn can I ask why you do that? Unless your children have a physical disability which stops them carrying things then I struggle to understand why you are treating them like babies.

I once took a 10year old on school journey and watched him put 9 spoons of sugar on his cereal. I asked him if he always used so much and he said he didn't know because his mother always put the sugar on for him ! Children need to learn independent behaviours, and they need to learn them from you because other people won't see "your children who you love to do things for" they will see entitled brats - which I am sure your children are not btw. Start with the small things like carrying their own bags, putting their own sugar on their cornflakes...... It will stand them in good stead.

I don’t think helping someone who has a lot to carry is treating them like a baby. I’d help a friend if they had a lot of bags/something heavy if I was stronger.
Kids who are shown kindness will generally be kind.

Why is it “kind” to carry your child’s book bag? It really won’t weigh a significant amount, you’re not exactly saving them from heavy labour?

My son stated carrying his own bag at the age of three. Often much longer than a ten minute walk. I really don't see the big deal.

I think the Mum was just having a joke too.

A book bag with a water bottle in, hardback book etc can weigh a fair amount. Of course it’s kind to do someone a favour!
And as I said my kids quite often have musical instruments, pe kits and lunch bags as well. I don’t see how making them struggle the 30 min walk home in this heat without helping is anything to be proud of.

Unless it is usually heavy, ds always carries his own stuff. If other people's kids were stropping about me not carrying their stuff, they wouldn't be invited again.

Meh if DD has a friend over I probably would carry their bags. I love seeing them run around/off together.

Loving the idea that I am denying her learning some vital life skill

Musical instruments are quite different, being both bigger and heavier. No problem carrying those. But a bag with a book and a water bottle in it?

It's not really a big deal though is it?
Sometimes I carry my DC bags, sometimes I don't but they don't expect me to carry them.
If they have friends over from school I always offer to carry their bags to the car because the bags are usually huge and they seem quite small in comparison. It's not a big for me as I'm bigger and stronger infact you could say it's encouraging being kind.

A healthy child won't struggle with a book or two, bottle, pencil case, lunch box, pe kit and guitar. If they are I'd suggest looking at a reasonable bag that spreads the weight better and then building your child's stamina with more regular walking.

Not just a book and a water bottle no but they are probably the heaviest things. There might be a music folder and homework folder in there too. And after a 30 min walk in this heat I imagine it does get pretty heavy for an infant child! Maybe it’s different if you’re walking 5 mins to the car.

Lol at building stamina. We don’t drive and my kids walk everywhere - regularly an hour into town and back. And I’d love to see a bag you could fit a guitar in 😂

None of this sounds like a big deal at all, the mum probably just meant "tough luck" to her kid - obviously just joking. Helping a kid with a bag isn't a big deal either - I sometimes do if DS wants to go climb trees with his friends. If you point blank refuse to ever carry a bag for your kid you're pretty stingy - surely you'd expect the child to help you with things too?

And if you think watching an infant child struggle with an instrument, book bag, lunch bag and pe kit while you carry nothing means you are in some way superior good luck to you. I’d think you were spectacularly selfish.

porkflute the poster I replied to implied that she carried lunch boxes and book bags automatically. I think 8 or 9 year old can manage to carry book bags and lunch boxes without too much difficulty. If they had bulky musical instruments then ok they might need help, though I used to manage to carry my cello home on my own .........

I don't think it is being kind to teach children to expect other people to do things for them that they are capable of doing themselves, as I tried to explain, we teach our children independence because that it part of the parenting process. Carrying stuff is like doing up your shoelaces, zipping up your hoody, brushing your own hair and teeth, hanging up your own coat, once you CAN do them you SHOULD do them.

A healthy child won't struggle with a book or two, bottle, pencil case, lunch box, pe kit and guitar.

Seriously? If you have a long walk in the heat lots of children would struggle with that and why not model good behaviour and carry one or two items for them! I wouldn't walk next to an adult carrying all that without offering to help so why not help a child?

I think it's fine to carry your kids' bags and fine not to. I don't because they're heavy and the kids can do it themselves - and if I carry one I have to carry all. But I think absolutely nothing about people who do carry their kids bags.

Answering a kid who moans about a playdate mum not carrying the bag in front of the mum is a bit tricky isn't it - the mum probably just said whatever came into her head that wasn't sympathetic or condemnatory!

viques honestly unless you do everything for your kids carrying a book back or not carrying it isn't going to make any difference at all. Mine carries his own but I know others who dump it in younger siblings buggies or their mum/dad carries it so they can run and play with their mates not a big deal at all.

I used to make ds carry his from starting school.
My dsd is very much carry this and that for me. Even when we're out and she takes her little handbag with tissues and a drink... She always tries to hand it to me.. I too have the tough love attitude

I went out with a friend and her 16 year old daughter recently. The friend still carries all her daughter’s stuff. I couldn’t be doing with that. Mine were offering to carry my stuff by that stage.

Tbh I find it amusing to be loaded up like a pony on school run but lots of my friends are the same as you OP. I think it’s fair enough once they get older tbh.

Huh slows the little blighters down so they are easier to control! and you are lighter so you can catch 'em easier! :) & better you have two hands free! seriously if you have to cross roads it does make sense!

I also carry ds’ as he’s so clumsy he tends to wipe himself out with it and it’s easier to carry it than costly pick him up after falling.

YANBU, kids can carry their own stuff.

I normally 'carry' DS' because I stuff it under the buggy, I'm worried it'll get left on the bus otherwise! he carries his bag to music lessons and after school clubs though.