I think the problem is that people are so busy with their own lives and problems, it can be enormously difficult to find the emotional energy to be there for someone else in a genuine and meaningful way. So people don’t offer at all because they feel it’s worse to offer a tiny bit of support than the right amount and are scared they’ll end up being expected to commit to more than they’re really able to give, if that makes sense?
Plus if someone has had a bad experience in the past where they’ve gone above and beyond to really be there for someone with MH issues and found themselves drained, felt useless, said the wrong thing, or been lashed out at for not being 100% there 24/7, they’re wary of getting involved again in the future.
The way I think of it is that you never know what’s going on with someone’s life or who they’re quietly supporting that is taking up all of their remaining energy. So it might not be personal that someone isn’t there for you, perhaps they’ve just got their hands full with their own difficulties or supporting someone in their life.
I work in an extremely intense job, caring profession supporting people with MH issues, and volunteer with a crisis hotline. I’m there for my close friends, absolutely, ongoing, and I’ll always find the ability to be there in a crisis for someone who needs me but I just don’t have the capacity to be one of those ‘I’m always here for everyone’ people when I’m already supporting people 50 hours per week with my job and voluntary role, and being there for the closest people in my life. I also have depression myself. And at the end of a tough week I often feel like I have no more fucks left to give. I think my capacity to care for others is probably unusually high (most of my colleagues say they couldn’t do the volunteering I do on top of our full time jobs), so for me to feel like I can’t give any more of myself without disappearing I wonder if maybe other people who have a lower threshold just can’t offer up a lot of themselves without suffering.
The samaritans are always there. They genuinely are always there with a cuppa read and a biscuit, or on the phone or text or email or letter. If there aren’t the people in your life able to offer what you need never hesitate to reach out to people who are openly saying ‘here I am, what’s up?’ like the samaritans.
I’d never post a trite meme though cos it just isn’t true. I do have times where I need to shut and lock my door and relax alone and would struggle to welcome someone in crisis in for the fifth time that week as harsh as that sounds, so I won’t promise it.