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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU about the football dictating my social calendar

30 replies

Footballgf · 04/07/2018 07:26

England won the game last night, great, I’m as happy about it as the next person.

Cue text from my bf basically saying have next Saturday clear we’re watching the game! We only spend weekends together due to work and me living at home with the parents and my daughter to save for a house deposit. I was supposed to be visiting a friend and her daughter at the weekend so suggested my Bf watch the football with his brothers etc. And I’ll do my own thing with DD.... to me a perfectly reasonable suggestion!

BF wasn’t happy about it to which I explained that my DD might not want to watch football with him and his brothers as she isn’t into football, we also have a day out Sunday with BF and his friends to an event which DD won’t have much interest in but think I can keep her occupied enough for her to enjoy being out and about. For context football will be on at his brothers house and they will probably do a bbq, my dd will be the only child there and often ends up pottering around the garden on her own a little bored. To me our afternoon could be spent seeing an old friend and my dd’s Friend and he can watch the football.

What I was then told is that basically if I didn’t watch the football with him Saturday then I wouldn’t see him this weekend, as if he wasn’t good enough to spend time with Saturday then he wasn’t Sunday either.

AIBU to find this response really childish! Apparently if he isn’t good enough to spend time with Saturday then he isn’t Sunday and why should he give up his time to see me when I won’t him. He feels like he just gave up his Saturday to watch my dd’s Swimming lesson and spend time with us. I feel a bit like it’s all point scoring and that there is an expectation that I will just be there all weekend every weekend to do whatever he wants and that if I dare say I don’t want to do something it creates a ridiculous argument. I’m quite happy to have a bit of time apart every now and then because it’s healthy!

Baffled.... Hmm

OP posts:
Gizlotsmum · 04/07/2018 07:27

I’d say ok and do something you will enjoy on Sunday

pigeondujour · 04/07/2018 07:29

What I was then told is that basically if I didn’t watch the football with him Saturday then I wouldn’t see him this weekend, as if he wasn’t good enough to spend time with Saturday then he wasn’t Sunday either.

Tell him that suits you fine! Childish dickhead.

TellsEveryoneRealFacts · 04/07/2018 07:32

Not really step dad material is he?

NapQueen · 04/07/2018 07:33

Urgh. Your suggestion was great.

Id say "sorry no, we wont be joining you on Saturday as neither dd or I are that fussed about the football. I will still be taking her to x on sunday so feel free to come along with us if you fancy it" and leave it there.

positivepixie · 04/07/2018 07:33

He is BU. He doesn't need you there on Saturday - he's with his brothers! Nice of him to invite you but strange that he threw his toys out when you said no - and one child on their own at an event like this wouldn't be great fun for either DD or you. I'd just say, you're going to leave him to enjoy the game with his family but looking forward to Sunday. If he can't handle that then there are some deeper problems!

gamerwidow · 04/07/2018 07:35

Don’t give in to this emotional blackmail if you start capitulating every time he throws a strop it will never end.
Of course it’s ok to make alternative plans if you and your daughter won’t enjoy the football. What sort of reasonable person make a stand about forcing the person they love and their child to attend an event they have no interest in.
I assume he chose to go to your DDs swimming lesson rather than you forcing him to so don’t let him use that nonsense as an excuse either.
If he doesn’t see you this weekend because he is throwing a tantrum that’s his problem not yours.
I can’t speak for the rest of your relationship but him not wanting you to do things without him is a massive red flag, be very careful.

EmmalinaC · 04/07/2018 07:41

Your social life is not being dictated by football. It's the World Cup! It only lasts a month and for England it will probably all be over on Saturday.

He is not the slightest bit unreasonable to want to watch the match, or to hope you'll be there too - if England miraculously win it will be one of those huge 'where were you?' moments for footy fans.

But you're not unreasonable to take your DD elsewhere if it pleases you.

But that bit about not wanting to do anything with you on Sunday if you don't watch the football? VERY unreasonable. As someone else has already said, he sounds like a dick.

UrsulaPandress · 04/07/2018 07:44

Do you have a red card?

NewPapaGuinea · 04/07/2018 07:48

What a man child!

ShatnersWig · 04/07/2018 07:51

I sincerely hope he will be your ex-bf by the time the Sweden match arrives on Saturday.

Scribblegirl · 04/07/2018 07:55

I love the football and immediately rearranged my Saturday plans after last nights game Grin

Footballs not the problem here, it’s your toddler of a boyfriend.

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 04/07/2018 07:58
  • I love the football and immediately rearranged my Saturday plans after last nights game 

Footballs not the problem here, it’s your toddler of a boyfriend.*

This. I rearranged everything for Saturday and it's my birthday! It's a World Cup; it's once every for years. Football is not the problem; he is.

Fairenuff · 04/07/2018 07:59

If you're not going to see him on Sunday either then that means you can sack off the boring thing he wanted to do and do something more interesting with your dd. Win win.

DevilsDoorbell · 04/07/2018 08:00

I agree with Scribble. Plan something fun for you and your dd and ditch the bf otherwise you’ll have 2 kids not 1

Sarahjconnor · 04/07/2018 08:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ReadingRiot · 04/07/2018 08:00

I don't think it's unreasonable to clear Saturday afternoon for a once in twenty (?) year event but the rest is nonsense. Plan a nice life weekend without him

NerrSnerr · 04/07/2018 08:01

I agree with pp, just say fair enough and plan your weekend with your daughter. He sounds awful.

Rachie1973 · 04/07/2018 08:02

He's being an arse.

I love the football, and my DH and I watch all the games. We also have season cards for our team.

I am not as 'die hard' as he is, and sometimes make plans to go visit one of my grandkids or something on a Match Day. He simply lends my season ticket to a mate and off we both go.

That's how it should be! I'd be wary of someone who needs to dictate to you where you MUST be.

dementedma · 04/07/2018 08:07

We had our first day of holiday abroad yesterday and had to wander about in the heat to find a pub showing the game. DH and DS sat opposite me staring at the screen, and I sat there bored. Shoul dhave taken a book.
Revenge today with a day trip to the coast which i will enjoy and they will both find boring. I'm already remembering why we rarely go on holiday together and its only day 2!

Shortstuff08 · 04/07/2018 08:08

I have cleared Saturday for the football.

I haven't demanded that anyone else does.

The problem isn't the football, it's your dick of a partner. You aren't arranging your social life around football, it's just him being a wanker.

DrCoconut · 04/07/2018 08:10

If he is as obsessed with football as this and you are not its going to be an ongoing source of conflict. I can't understand why people let sports dominate their lives and relationships and expect others to fall in. Replace football with train spotting or stamp collecting in these scenarios and everyone would accuse them of losing the plot.

Cutietips · 04/07/2018 08:11

It’s not the football dictating your social life; it’s him!

He’s not unreasonable wanting to watch the football, or even wanting you there. But insisting you go and trying to blackmail you by childishly suggesting he won’t see you otherwise. Extremely unreasonable.

I’ve realised, largely through mn, that how people resolve disagreements is a real key to how easy they are to live with generally. People who have tantrums/won’t work through things reasonably are very wearing.

pictish · 04/07/2018 08:11

Um...no. He doesn’t get to ‘make you’ do stuff you don’t want to by issuing fucking threats! Who does he think he is?!

Call his bluff on this one. Say no - I won’t be forced into attending something neither I or my daughter will enjoy just to please you...what are you on about? If it’s going to be all-or-nothing in which I don’t get a say, you can fuck off.

See what the overbearing swine has to say to that.

Yanbu.

pictish · 04/07/2018 08:14

Serious ask - has he got form for this sort of thing?

BitOutOfPractice · 04/07/2018 08:26

It's not football dictating to you, it's your BF

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